If you want to understand how to become better allies to people with disabilities, then join us at Embracing All Abilities: Including People with Disabilities at Work.
"I still wear sindoor," says Dipanjana Gupta, "But now because I know it makes me look beautiful, and no longer out of fear for my husband's wellbeing!"
“I still wear sindoor,” says Dipanjana Gupta, “But now because I know it makes me look beautiful, and no longer out of fear for my husband’s wellbeing!”
I was just married then. After a long leisurely leave and then a superb honey moon, I joined my work. In my new home, I didn’t really have to work much, thanks to the joint family where work is divided.
Every morning I would always leave for work in a haste. Make up, for me was usually a quick line of kajal and a light touch of lipstick. After getting married, there was an ‘essential’ addition, and that was a line of sindoor on my ‘maang’, and a bindi on the forehead, which I felt was an ‘absolute must’.
On one such hurried morning, I left for my school where I worked, when suddenly on the way, I realized that I had forgotten to fill my maang with sindoor.
And that got me all flustered!
The reason being, while growing up, I had often heard the women around me stating that sindoor in the maang is vital for the long life of the husband. And I had also seen my newly wed sisters and aunts, following certain ways and rituals while putting the sindoor, which made me wonder what was so significant about it. To sum up, what I had internalised since a tender age was that sindoor for a married woman was not only auspicious, but was also a symbolic requisite for the well-being and long life of her husband.
In a flash, all these ran through my mind, and I almost froze at that moment, thinking, and strongly believing, that some kind of disaster would definitely strike my husband for this one fiasco I had made in my routine dressing up. Agitated and anxious, I paused for a while, unable to decide what should I do! I loved my husband dearly, and I couldn’t allow anything adverse to happen to him!
To make up for the botched situation, I quickly returned home, almost running all the way, and rushing to my dresser, smeared the silver stick with a smatter of sindoor and filled my maang. My mother in law and husband looked flabbergasted, not understanding what made me come home running and do all that.
I almost ran back to my school, and settled down sulkily with a late mark on the attendance register. Henceforth, I tried to be mindful of this, but inspite of being meticulous, I did forget this ritual quite often. But each time I couldn’t afford to come home, therefore, tense and nervous, I would spend the day just praying.
Gradually, I kind of got used to this ‘catastrophe’. Not that I stopped loving my husband, but eventually became more and more rational. I began to look for the logic behind this. I asked the women among family and friends, but none could give me a logical answer. And I failed to find any connection myself, between the sindoor and the long life of my husband.
With time what I understood is that this ritual (or tradition, if you want to call it that), like many others, is nothing but another thing added to the deep-rooted patriarchal system of which we are a part. A man fills the bride’s maang with sindoor and makes her his own possession.
To give it the benefit of a (questionable) doubt, when this ritual began, it must have had a reason, but definitely it does not serve the purpose of a tonic for the long life of every married man. To coerce women to wear the sindoor, the mangalsutra, the bangles or the ‘shaankha-pola‘, different myths, superstitions, and scary beliefs have been attached to them. What irks me most is that all these compulsions are exclusively for women only. Men, on the other hand don’t have any compulsory attire or appurtenance that marks him as married.
Undoubtedly sindoor accentuates the beauty of a newly wed bride or a woman. This, again, is a personal opinion. Well, it’s also a part of our culture and custom. But whether or not one should be wearing sindoor (or any other compulsory marital accessories) is a personal choice. It should not carry any funny superstitions that have no rational syllogism.
I still wear sindoor, and that’s because I feel it makes me look beautiful. I still do forget to wear it sometimes, but now I do not come home running in fear. And yes, I do love my husband dearly, more than ever before, and am glad that well being and long life, which is fortunately not dependent on my wearing the sindoor.
Image source: By Bodhisattva Dasgupta – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link
A teacher by profession Dipanjana enjoys life in its every shade. She lives in Shillong with her thirteen year old son and with the help of her extremely supportive husband she is managing to wrestle read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
What I loved was how there is so much in the movie of the SRK we have known, and also a totally new star. The gestures, the smile, the wit and the charisma are all too familiar, but you also witness a rawness, an edginess.
When a movie that got the entire nation in a twist – for the right and wrong reasons – hits the theatres, there is bound to be noise. From ‘I am going to watch it – first day first show’ to ‘Boycott the movie and make it a flop’, social media has been a furore of posts.
Let me get one thing straight here – I did not watch Pathaan to make a statement or to simply rebel as people would put it. I went to watch it for the sheer pleasure of witnessing my favourite superstar in all his glory being what he is best at being – his magnificent self. Because when it comes to screen presence, he burns it, melts it and then resurrects it as well like no other. Because when it comes to style and passion, he owns it like a boss. Because SRK is, in a way, my last connecting point to the girl that I once was. Though I have evolved into so many more things over the years, I don’t think I am ready to let go of that girl fully yet.
There is no elephant in the room really here because it’s a fact that Bollywood has a lot of cleaning up to do. Calling out on all the problematic aspects of the industry is important and in doing that, maintaining objectivity is also equally imperative. I went for Pathaan for entertainment and got more than I had hoped for. It is a clever, slick, witty, brilliantly packaged action movie that delivers what it promises to. Logic definitely goes flying out of the window at times and some scenes will make you go ‘kuch bhi’ , but the screenplay clearly reminds you that you knew all along what you were in for. The action sequences are lavish and someone like me who is not exactly a fan of this genre was also mind blown.
A new Gallup poll reveals that up to 40% of Indian women are angry compared to 27% of men. This is a change from 29% angry women and 28% angry men 10 years ago, in 2012.
Indian women are praised as ‘susheel’, virtuous and to be emulated when they are obedient, ready to serve others and when they put the wishes of others before their own. However, Indian women no longer seem content to be in the constrictive mould that the patriarchy has fashioned for them. A Gallup poll looked at the issue of women’s anger, their worry, stress, sadness and found that women consistently feel these emotions more than men, particularly in India.
Image source
Please enter your email address