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Questions That Piss Off An Asexual Woman: Ask At Your Peril!

If you don't understand asexuality, keep away from the temptation to ask nosy questions that might be intrusive, says this asexual woman.

If you don’t understand asexuality, keep away from the temptation to ask nosy questions that might be intrusive, says this asexual woman.

Every asexual woman’s nightmare is being surrounded by friends who are eager to ask questions that they think are ‘appropriate’ to put to someone just because they are asexual.

Let’s call our asexual woman Ace.

Ace is neither proud, nor ashamed of her sexuality.

Because: She just doesn’t want to be bothered, and she doesn’t want to overnight become the ‘queen’ that everyone wishes to ‘see’, wants to know what they do in their bedroom, how they feel.

Somehow, in a random conversation, Ace slipped, and everyone in the office know now that she’s asexual.

The boring office turns into a huge hall decorated with diamonds curtains draped against platinum walls. In the middle of the room sits a high throne and on it sits Ace, pissed off that everyone in the room has their eyes on her.

The peasants bend down their heads in curiosity as Ace, the asexual queen, lifts the headset from her head – oops – the crown from her head, and rests it aside.

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One of her advisors brings her a glass of the rarest wine on Earth. She sips the wine, not taking her eyes off the peasants before her. In reality, she’s drinking water from a bottle that’s been there on her desk since she joined this office a year back.

“Are you okay with us asking some questions about asexuality?” The advisor asks. “It’s new to us so we’d like to know more about it.”

The Ace Queen smiles with tight lips, and nods.

“Won’t you have sex, ever?”

Queens don’t have sex, do they? Do you ask everyone this?

“Have you ever had sex before?”

Are you aware the you are asking this before a whole kingdom?

“Do you not feel horny?”

I have crab in place of a vagina. I never bothered to ask her if she’s feeling horny.

“Do you touch yourself?”

Like, get my fingers sliced by the crab down there?

“Have you seen a Doctor about this?”

Do I look like I’m sick to you?

Puts the crown back on her head

The queen has remained calm till now, answering the questions, keeping some things private, trying to educate them.

But now, the Ace Queen wants to burn these peasants to ashes. Every one of them.

In one corner, she sees a person who looks more like her own reflection. Embarrassed, shaking her head slightly just for the queen to notice.

The queen doesn’t like pity. Her sexuality is nothing to be pitied about.

One of the peasants comes forward, while almost everyone in the hall had left.

“You can share with me what you feel. I’ll help you come out of this if you ever need a friend. It’s just that you’ve had a bad childhood.”

The Ace Queen stood up, flew across the hall, spewing fire on all the peasants, destroying every one of them.

In reality, she opened her drawer and took the cupcake that she had smuggled inside the office, and ate it herself, without giving it to anyone.

Image source: shutterstock


About the Author


Curious student for life. Periyar, Ambedkar, & Marx fills my gray matter; but I'm no blind pop-culture follower wearing a Che Guevara on my Tee, but a critical thinker who'll question any regressive read more...

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