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I was asked these questions by prospective grooms – and of course, I rejected them. Crazy that such expectations are there from women even today!
Before I met the man of my dreams and settled in blissful matrimony, I went down the arranged marriage route in search of a mate.
Most of the time the proposals I rejected were not based on looks, career or life prospects but on complete lack of thinking and tact at their end. The questions thrown at me used to make me cringe. I will admit that some of these are essential questions; however, usually it was not what was asked but the way it was asked and the intent behind it.
Below I am listing down a few of these questions. I am sure most of women will identify with being asked such questions! Also sharing the answers that used to come into my mind –
“Why, are you looking for a wife or master chef? Yes, I know how to cook because it is a skill necessary to survive.”
This one is the most common and my favorite. Usually the question means, will the girl cook all meals, day after day, year after year while also continuing her career and generally be a super woman? Because sadly in most houses, it is taken for granted that all house work will be done by the wife.
Cooking is a skill that each one of us should have – man or woman. And this question should ideally be asked by both parties.
“No, and I think you should also quit and we both will survive on our parent’s money.”
I could never understand the interdependency of marriage and work. Will the boy stop working after marriage? Marriage is about love, partnership and commitment. It is not related to your day job which by the way will (should) pay for all the expenses of the wedding. Then why should a girl give up on her careers or dreams just because she is getting married?
“Yes, because I am a girl capable of normal human emotions and must have met someone who captured my interest. However, since I am currently sitting here, it means that it didn’t work out.”
This one always put my teeth on edge. It is an extremely personal question and if it needs to be asked, it should definitely not be in the first meeting.
“What, water? Doesn’t everyone? Ok alcohol, yes I do and don’t you?”
Usually the drinking/ smoking questions are to check on the character of the girl. Because, if she drinks then she is obviously of loose morals. Drinking is a personal choice. Yes, it has implications on health if done in excess, and yes it is an essential question that both the parties should ask. But if someone is an alcoholic, will they admit it? Once again, a question that should be reserved for more familiarity.
“Dude, we just met!”
I do not understand the mentality in which as soon as you get married you do your bit for the society and start reproducing.
Kids bring great joy to the parents. But, when you have an arranged marriage, you know so little about each other. You need time to explore each other, find similar likes/ dislikes and discover the person completely. Only if you are comfortable with each other will you be able to do justice to another human being that you bring in this world.
“Do I look like a cultural fest to you?”
There is a simpler way to do this. Just ask what my hobbies are.
As I said, some of the questions need to be asked but the how, when and where of it matter. In the end if the answers help the boy decide, then the questions help the girl make her decision.
Image source: Vimeo
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My first book - Second Chances has just released and is present on all online book
oh! you left out the new one, “do you have a guru,” having a personal guru seems to be the new thing.
This post makes assumptions about what kind of answers are expected from all askers, as if all men who ask these will have the same expectations and looking for the same type of woman. These are fair questions for both genders to be curious about, for their own reasons, and for any type of people, so that they can figure out what is and isn’t suitable for the lifestyle they’ll live. And not all answers nor intentions need be the same simply based on who is asking and who is answering.
However, I think this article is specifically talking about that one particular group of people who ask due to the intentions that were addressed. It just wasn’t clarified that not everybody asks and looks for the same reason and expectations.
Buying Humiliation At The Arranged Marriage Market
“Writing Helps Me Learn From My Own Work”: Saumya Srivastava, Author Of The Month, March 2018
Arranged Vs Love Marriages In India: Here’s Why Things Are Changing
Looking For Mr. Darcy
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