Beware! If It Is Not Active Consent, It Is Rape!

Running a business in Bangalore? Hear from successful entrepreneurs how they grew the business, and you can too: REGISTER NOW!

Cozying up with your girlfriend but confused if you should go ahead? Look out for active consent where she will make it very clear she wants it!

You want to have some cozy moments and enjoy it saying, “its the need of a body, that should be satisfied!” But sometimes it can lead to a crime that you least expected. A crime? Yes, a crime.

A 16 year old girl and her boyfriend were kissing. The girls starts to feel a little uncomfortable and uneasy with their actions and asks her boyfriend to stop. The boyfriend was so sexually excited that he did not listen and did not stop, and they ended up having sex.

This is the problem here. When two people are involved in sexual intimacy, both the partners have to agree to their actions which is called consent, which matters a lot. If someone does not give consent to sex, it is rape.

How do you know it is consent?

The most essential component about consent is to be ‘active’ and vocal about your consent in agreement to sex or sexual touch. What most boys take for granted is a ‘passive’ consent where you do not say anything and he assumes you are okay going along with it. This is not actually consent at all, and will just turn into displeasure and also a complete disaster.

A person cannot just assume when it comes to something as personal as sex , as sex without consent is Rape.  And rape is a crime that is punishable by law and can cause imprisonment.

If there is no ‘active’ consent, it is rape

The above situation clearly depicted that the girl was fine with small actions of affection like petting, kissing and hugging but she wasn’t ready for the ultimate step of sexual intercourse. The actions of the boy were completely wrong as he did not respect the girl’s decision and went against her to fulfill his sexual desires.

The girl probably wasn’t firm enough with her “NO” maybe because she thought that protesting will make her lose her boyfriend who she loved. But girls remember: “Don’t light yourself on fire trying to brighten someone else’s existence”.

Lust, not love

Boys or even men who don’t stop when asked to stop are clearly not interested in the girl or her feelings. They just love their power over the girl and use her as a medium to fulfill their sexual pleasures. Because any guy can stop, even in the middle of sex, since it would not cause him any damage or hurt. So there is no excuse for not stopping.

Both girls and boys have to be clear about what they want and what they do not want.

Pay heed to body language

And the times when you don’t say anything but you do not want to go further, body language is the cue to it. A woman’s and a man’s body language says it all, when the person is in discomfort or is not open about the situation. For example, a girl closing her legs, pushing the guy or his hand away from the inappropriate places.

Say NO

If the body language still isn’t enough for your partner to understand then you’ve no option but to raise your voice firmly by saying, “Stop. I am not ready for this. I don’t wish to take this further. I don’t want this now!”

Be open about your feelings to your partner and I am sure if s/he truly loves you, they’l understand and respect you, listen to your concerns and patiently wait for you until you both are ready.

Image source: pexels

Liked this post?

Register at Women's Web to get our weekly mailer and never miss out on our events, contests & best reads! Or - get a couple of really cool reads on your phone every day - click here to send us a Whatsapp message.

Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!

How To File An FIR - Making A Police Complaint In India



  1. A topic which is very much needed to be made aware of !
    Brilliant !

  2. Vrushali Petiwale -

    Thank you for bringing up such a crucial issue on a social platform. Good luck for future articles

  3. Dr.Nimisha Mishra -

    An issue so important yet people shy away on voicing their opinion over it…..kudos for bringing it up…very well written

  4. Ruchika Mishra -

    Thank uou Aakash , Vrushali and Dr.Nimisha for your appreciation and opinions 🙂

Share your thoughts! [Be civil. No personal attacks. Longer comment policy in our footer!]

NOVEMBER's Best New Books by Women Authors!

Get our weekly mailer and never miss out on the best reads by and about women!

An All-women trek