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It is everyday sexism that we take for granted that gets a vicious grip on mindsets and creates the molester among us. The onus is on us to change.
It starts right from the time the child is born. Blue for boys and pink for girls. Growing up, telling the boys not to cry because men don’t cry and asking the girls to be polite because apparently girls are delicate.
It seeps in drop by drop. Through the environment a child is in. The society looking at the father’s work as the ‘manly’ one while the mother’s as the ‘homely’ one.
The tv ads… re-enforcing what a child sees around. The movies… with dialogues like “hansi to phasi” or “ladki ki na mei bhi haan hai“.
The objectification, the sexist jokes, the inequality, the supposed ‘male domination’.
The subtle entry of an 8 year old brother who walks to the shop down the street with his sister. To ‘protect’ her. The ‘protection’ provided here would not be by the virtue of his strength but would wholly depend on the virtue of his gender, accepted by the society.
It grows. Builds up piece by piece. And it solidifies taking a shape. Takes the shape of a mentality.
Looking at women as objects, as inferiors, as helpless, as second class citizens.
Who are the rapists and the molesters roaming around in the society? Are they men with horns or wings? How do we identify such creeps?
Ummm… well… we can’t. Because they are a part of us.
But, what we can do is, identify our own actions, our own mentality. Be more open minded, teach the boys that they are not here to protect their sisters or mothers or wives. They are here to coexist.
Women don’t need help. Women don’t need men to walk around freely. Women don’t need men for protection. Women need respect. As equal human beings.
We form the society. We encourage, accept, implement double standards. We don’t believe in equality. And that one faction, that one small thought at the back of our minds laughing at sexist jokes, accepting that women need help and considering women not equal to the other sex – it collectively takes the shape of that man who soaked all those things that he saw as a child, things that we showed him, the things he later believed as a man.
The onus is on us.
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My son N jumped from the swing & fell flat on his face. His friend said, 'Don't cry like a girl' & that made my blood boil!
Parenting is a roller coaster ride. There are challenges, questions to deal with everyday, guilt and decisions, with the excitement and pleasure of playing a role in shaping another human being.
But what does one do when you child is faced with a sexist remark on the playground? R and S discuss on how this ride looks for them…from a gender stereotyping perspective.
(R says)
The subtle sexism that is implied in our everyday words makes sure that our girls remain suppressed, even in families who think they are liberal.
”Hamare chand jaise bete ki zindgi me taara ban ke chamko…” croons the genial diamond bedecked, smartly turned out grandmom-in-law while blessing the newest ‘bahu’ gleaming coyly in her 5 kg gold jewellery and 30 kg zardozi lehnga in a typical Indian TV soap.
Oh hell, how can anyone be so sugar sweet and yet be so annoying! Is she blessing the grand daughter-in-law or her own grandson? The grandson is the moon around whom the entire life of the grand DIL should revolve!