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It is only the parent child relationship that we look at through rose tinted glasses. What if we considered parenthood a relationship like any other?
If one is asked to describe parenthood what are the adjectives which come to mind?
Challenging but fulfilling. Chaotic but beautiful. Exhausting but still bliss. These are just a few of them.
While we accept that the ride is definitely ‘like a roller coaster’ we seldom complete the sentence without following it with a ‘but’. And whatever follows the ‘but’, sweeps away all the not so positive emotions which being a parent involves.
As a generation of parents, we are definitely over involved, tending more towards obsession. We aims towards perfection for that little ‘bundle of joy’ right from the bundle stage, till he or she is not so little anymore.
Are they eating right? Are they reading good books? Are they reading enough? Are they reading too much!? Do they need more sports? Can I get him a better day care? Should she be going to a better school? Is my being at home good for my child? Is my not being at home disastrous for my child? The list is endless.
Parenthood takes us on a journey where we make our children, not co-passengers, but the engine which drives us. Whatever we do under the umbrella of being parents is never called a sacrifice, because after all the ‘bundle of joy’ is the center of our universe.
However, do we necessarily have to derive pleasure out of parenting? Can it not be treated like any other relationship of our lives? Can we describe it without the buts, as challenging, chaotic, exhausting, and heart breaking?
I might love it when my 3 year old runs around me calling out ‘mama, mama’. But I have definitely not forgotten those sleepless nights, traumatic sick days, potty training etc… And no, the joys of being a mother are definitely not on a higher pedestal than its demands. Calling a spade a spade enables the parent to remain human. It probably helps the child too.
The cozy nest of the parents’ home is difficult to leave, or sometimes even traumatic for kids right up to adulthood. The fact probably is that the world is not bad, but as parents we fail to mirror the world and its people with all their limitations.
We have fall outs with our friends, lover, spouse and probably even parents! We make a choice to not talk to them or be with them because something about them does not suit us. Ever heard of a parent denouncing his or her child? Not in the wildest imagination. Do we ever choose an adult child to be out of our lives because he or she does not suit our lifestyle? The emotional attachment is too high to be able to do that. And the attachment arises from the fact that we have spent decades of our lives, not calling spade a spade.
We have lived our lives believing that a parent-child relationship is divine and hence should be flawless, especially from the parents’ end. It is okay to treat all our relationships with human limitations but when it comes to children we need to aim towards godliness. In my view, stressing or losing ourselves out, in any relationship, is not healthy for the relationship and the individuals involved.
The choice to become parents entrusts us with the responsibility of being a provider – of love, support and guidance. Parents who have sailed through their lives with their children as partners, end up having a healthy and more open relationship with them right till the end. And by chance, even if the relationship doesn’t work out, at least they have not lost themselves completely in the process.
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"There is a story and a vision which makes us gravitate towards cinema. Even as we worked as assistants on ads, we realised that cinema was our true calling," say Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh Raseen.
The Railway Men. Mili. Cuttputli. The Diplomat. Bade Miyan Chote Miyan. And more…
Let me introduce to you the talented designer duo who have worked on these, and can be considered today’s upcoming costume designers for the screen. Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh.
Having studied at NIFT, Gunpreet Kaur Mann sent her portfolio out to several designers. Her first gig was as an assistant stylist with Manoshi and Rushi, who also happen to be a designer duo. She worked on an ad film starring Saif Ali Khan and eventually landed a full time job with designer Vikram Phadnis. Years of experience as assistant costume designer followed, which eventually led her to getting a break.
A ‘thank you’ makes a lot of difference in the way any woman in your life sees herself in your eyes. It might even mean the world to her.
I have not received any appreciation in the past. Probably never will. This is the experience of ample women across the globe. The expectation to be thanked for all the sacrifices she makes to keep others happy has faded. Yet the urge to hear few words of acknowledgement always lingers.
There is never a day when she pushes off her own burdens. She knows not to give up on people she loves. Women in general, are givers by nature and hence, give without asking anything in return. They have been the care givers and lovers since centuries however receive no appreciation.
It will mean the world to your mother if you answer her calls. If your sister seems lost give her a hug and assure her about her strengths. Tomorrow, there might come a day when you would have to make your daughter feel empowered with few words of wisdom every now and then. For the children to feel wanted and loved, you must be able to spare some quality time with your wife and be present in the moment.
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