Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
The dream wedding – that grand affair that is spoken about for a long time afterward. Is this what we really want? Maybe the money can be used better elsewhere?
I don’t understand the idea of spending our parents’ money on one grand wedding. Yes. Some of us want that one grand wedding with a gathering of a thousand people, bright lights and atmosphere. We assume that a perfect wedding would be the one with world class decor, the best caterer, a DJ especially called from Delhi or Mumbai, a famous city based photographer, and of course the bridal outfit itself worth a lakh.
Should I call this a pompous wedding or merely a show off? There are people who get married in a temple. There are people who keep it simple and low profile. There are people who get married in court. What do you think? That they don’t have enough money to spend? That they don’t have dreams?
Yes, they do have money and they do have big dreams as well. The only difference is that they want to spend their money on something worthwhile, and they have dreams which are bigger and more significant than this.
Nowadays, the age of getting married is 28 or 29. By that time, our parents turn 55 or 60. Don’t you feel it is the time for them to loosen up? They do get retirement for sure, but is it fair for a grown up son/daughter to expect the parents to put energy and money into their one dream of having a lavish wedding?
I have seen girls spending lakhs and lakhs on the bridal outfit which is just packed in the suitcase forever after the wedding. I have seen parents going places and places to invite people. Must be a tiring job. After all, 1000 people are on your list.
Let’s talk about the groom who comes with his family, treated like a king. His entry is expected to be as grand as any Salman Khan movie – in our country, especially the north, he comes in like a prince, sitting on a horse. I strongly feel this should be banned. Since when we all have become so inhuman? It is torture for the horse – he is dressed like a showpiece, and made to walk for a long distance with loud music and fireworks. Do you know that the sound of deafening music and fireworks can make him deaf?
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? Please at least spare animals.
I don’t understand that one uncle in the barat with weird dance moves. He loves to throw money in the air. Sir, if you really wish to spend money, then please donate it to some place where people know the real value of money and will have some use of it.
The best part comes later.
In the end, when the wedding is over, after so many days or months, your parents hear out of nowhere that something was missing in the wedding. Or Mr. Sharma you could have done much better than this.
As a daughter, do you feel your parents deserve to listen to this after that pricey wedding of yours? As the groom, do you feel you should expect your bride’s parents to pay for all this waste? I am speaking of the reality in this country, where the bride’s parents still have to bear most expenses.
Parents have always been giving. They spend their time and money on you, fulfil your dreams. They want to see you happy. Mothers give up their dreams for their children. Dads come home after a hectic day and still take the time to have fun with you.
Plan a trip for them. Take out them for dinners and movies. Spend quality time with them. Let them have their own time. Let them be relaxed. Let’s not trouble them with our vague and grandiose wishes.
A wedding is a simple and sweet ritual between two people and two families. It can be done in any way. Some people choose the simple way and yet they are happy. We don’t have to show off our happiness to the world.
I think money spent on needy children is better than money spent on some lehenga (bridal outfit). I think money in bank is much better than money spent on expensive gifts.
Rest is up to you. I have made up my mind. I hope you do too.
Image source: shutterstock.
Love to read crazy new stuff. What I love more is to write. And in
Brilliant post! I agree with you wholly! Between the delusional ad media and immature masses, the whole purpose of marriage seems to have been lost in the plot. Honestly, having an extravagant wedding is more about displaying status and reveals one’s own vanity rather than anything else! These days the wedding day gets far more attention and preparation than the institution of marriage (the rights and responsibilities-of partners) This is quite clearly proved by the fact that marriages are hopelessly failing everywhere despite the grandness of the ceremonies couples may have indulged in on their wedding day. People need to grow up and open their eyes and understand the meaning of marriage and plan(by determining career and parenting choices, finances, obligations to each other etc) their marriages more than the wedding !! Not only is it wasteful to spend so much and plan so much for a single day, it is completely baffling and also silly that even the basic concepts of contraception, family planning, sharing the work load etc do not receive any attention in wedding and marriage planning! Educated people need to change their outlook and actions to be informed by our learning and knowledge. I am glad you have made up your mind to make a wise choice. I am glad I did too, 15 years ago and urge others to do so too!!
Thank You Taopiscean. I am glad you took the right decision and I am sure you wont be regretting it. Totally agree with you that people should believe in the system of marriage and not get tangled into the preparations of marriage just because society demands it. I hope things change and change it for good. 🙂
Our society needs a post like this or I must say a author like you Naseem. Good Work..Keep it up!!
Thank You Bindu. Hope this post helps people in taking a wise decision.
Nice post @Naseem. Really appreciate your thoughts and I AGREE. People who are planning to get married should go through such article so that they can come to know the real mean of marriage is about tying two soles together which can be done without wasting lots of money and efforts. Distribute that money to needy people and get blessing for the wedding couple. That would be more graceful.
Well Said Chetna. Get real blessings from children by helping them rather spending money on decoration or on expensive gifts.
Very well said, just to feel special for that one big day in front of 1000 people is so less than to make a decision like this and be remembered forever. Thankfully, God gave us the wisdome to do so for our wedding two years ago.
It feels good to know that you took a right decision and are happy about it. I am sure people in your family look up to you for your great decision.
Thank You Kanchana. Glad you like the post. 🙂
I loved your article and totally agree with you. I don’t even understand how shameless grooms can be to have such weddings where their bride’s family pays each and every penny and they just show up as kings. Their ego which gets hurt at every trivial thing does not get affected by this as this is convenient. Really sad.
Thank You Vanaja. You are absolutely correct. We must think practically and stop wasting our money on one day event. Instead we can make a good use of it rather than spending it on unimportant things.
Thank You Tanvi. It may be a hard decision but it surely is a right one. Bride and Groom must be in this together and should think of their parents. They should not let their parents money go waste just like that. Must think about it.
Wow!! You explained it in such a nice way and its so true…I have attended such marriages many times …sheer waste I too really feel… hope people realise it …cheers
I agree to it 🙂 Aptly explained what really happens in the wedding and i think we spend to impress groom, his family and society, who at the end take out one or other flaw in the event…. that make your efforts fade away…… I wonder if our society could understand this…. Thanks for the wisdom you shared……….. Looking forward to more articles from you @Naseem.
Thank You Kirti for liking the post. Hope we can bring the positive change in our society through this.
Thank You Malobika Bose. Glad you like the post. We need more people like you in our society who do not encourage such wastage of money.
Wise thoughts… But let’s see how much the Indian society will take to understand this small concept…!!!
Hey M… Of course, it will take time to adapt some changes. But even if you consider few things then it is a change in itself. Lets be positive.
Why You Should Not Sponsor Your Son-In-Law And His Wedding
Dear Family, My Dream Wedding Is Nothing Like Those That Bollywood Has Popularised
Dear Parents, We Are Tired Of Hearing, “You Have Reached That Ideal Age – Get Married!”
Girl Grown Up = Wedding Preparations? My Mommy Cool Quashed All Queries About Them!
Get our weekly mailer and never miss out on the best reads by and about women!