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Sex in a marriage should be something mutually enjoyable that both want, not something traded for financial and physical security.
“We do it every day. I don’t say no, so that he doesn’t get diverted. You know what I mean! This keeps him tied into our relationship,” my childhood friend proudly told me while we were relaxing at her small apartment in Delhi.
I was shocked. I hadn’t heard anything that hilarious and senseless since a long time.
“You’re kidding, right?” I snapped at her.
“See, it’s completely fine to do it every day if my husband likes it. It’s not true that I don’t like it at all. I have many colleagues who are divorced in less than 2 years of marriage. They have no respect in the society. I am proud of my relationship. We love each other. We enjoy the time we spend every day before we sleep. I like it when he kisses, cuddles or …” she claimed.
“But you guys have different schedules. You have a 9 to 5 job. He has 11 to 8. I see him online until late nights. And I know you sleep before 12. How does this work for you both?” I questioned.
“No, he is very caring. He makes sure that he gets some time to cuddle me or make love before I am off to bed,” she confessed clearing her throat.
“Oh, so when you start snoring, that’s the time probably when he messages to me, and I suppose, to other female friends from his work and college!” I alleged.
“What, what do you mean? Does he text you every day?” She sounded surprised.
“No, but only because I don’t reply to his messages, ever. I am sure he has other people (women) to entertain through nights. But, don’t worry. At least he loves you, and you surely love him too. I wonder does it matter to you whom he talks, as long as you both love each other?” I asked mock innocently.
(“I am gonna check his Facebook and Whatsapp profile. I have so many times warned him not to send messages to my girl-friends or other women” I could almost hear her thoughts!)
“What happened? What are you thinking?” I interrupted her thoughts.
“No, it doesn’t matter to me. My husband cares for me. I am better than many other married women out there. I live in a metro alone with my husband. I am blessed to get such an arrangement. He is fun-loving person…” she mumbled.
“Good for you!” I declared.
After coming back home, I kept thinking-
Should you have physical relationships with your husband just so he wouldn’t be interested in other women?
Is this marriage worth living with such fears every moment?
And you think you command respect in the society?
I am not sure how can I help a woman who is not ready to accept that she needs any help. If your physical and financial well-being is more essential than the emotional one, I am not sure if this article has any meaning for you.
I don’t know if I should feel respect for women who try hundreds of things to keep marriage alive for tens of people and thousands of reasons on earth. For now, I feel that if someone wants to leave, by all means I must let him go, for sake of one, and only reason- Myself.
Image source: shutterstock.
I am an odd bird!
Very well said!! However, its strange but true that the lack of dignity and respect often seems to be one of the last reasons women will break up a marriage for. Its possibly because women are often conditioned from the time they are very young to regard themselves as a second priority to the larger good, the spouse’s whims, the family, society etc. Thus she compromises a great deal on her sense of self and self respect and although she herself may not like it she convinces herself to be adjusting with the weirdness of it all. It is sad and this mind set has to change. Both men and women entering wedlock should be equally bound by the same rules regarding rights and responsibilities. Women must stop fooling themselves and allowing themselves to be fooled in the way you say this girl continues to convince herself that things are fine. Men have to be more accountable for their actions and must be conditioned from the time they are young to be responsible in marriage too.
I don’t know what to say. Despite the fact that the couple have sex everyday the husband keeps texting to other women. Does that speak of a healthy relationship? Or is it his way of putting her to sleep peacefully while he continues with his nocturnal gallivanting expeditions? Is the woman naive or insecure not to see it?
Hey dont you people feel this is very common ??? Almost all the ladies have this mentality and all guys use this to their advantage. I have been trying to explore but i feel this is what is going on in most of the indian families. Ladies feel secure when they have sex and have the notion that their husbands will not leave them.. This is the there in even working ladies. Guys.. no words to say…
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