An Indian daughter-in-law today is no longer willing to do everything and anything that her in-laws want her too. It is time the in-laws and husbands realized this.
Experiences shared by several readers, friends and some memories from what seems like another life have compelled me to write this article.
In India, a lot of daughters-in-law are made to feel rebellious and uncultured because they do not blindly follow tradition. In-laws get a lot done in the name of ‘culture’ and ‘respect for elders’. The husband rarely supports the wife and sides with his mother.
An Indian daughter-in-law (DIL) has shared the following ways in her mother-in-law (MIL) has exercised control in her life. This has resulted in a lot of unpleasantness and disharmony in her marriage and fights with her husband. Here is what I think about it.
Not letting a woman visit her own family is cruel and inhumane. No good can come out of this.
Nobody can pray on demand. A person who believes in God feels connected and does not need to practice religion. They may do so by their choice. Or not. The whole purpose of praying is to attain inner peace. The ‘religious’ MIL who is constantly creating discord in the home by scolding the DIL for not praying proves the point that religion does not teach right from wrong!
Especially at her own wedding or any other important weddings in the family. Again, nothing but control. No adult should be told what to wear.
Deciding which days DIL can wash her hair and the appropriate time to cut her finger nails There were all kinds of traditions in the past which may have some logic at that point of time. Personally, I do not understand why I cannot wash my hair on a Tuesday or a Saturday.
I respect everybody who does believe in this. I do not have a problem with those who do. My problem is with the people who force others to following illogical traditions and judge them as being rebellious for questioning it!
Not washing the hair and not cutting finger nails in purely unhygienic! And NOBODY should tell us what we do with our bodies.
Where does the interference stop?
I honestly do not see any logic in any of the above. What is sad is that the MIL tells her son that her sentiments are being hurt as a result of the DIL not respecting her wishes. The husband is happy to side with his mother and yell at his wife for not following his mother’s orders.
Wake up Indian men! What if YOU were asked to do the above by your MIL?
And no the DIL who refuses to accept the above is not uncultured or rebellious or lacks respect for elders. She is a normal human being with a brain of her own and not a robot who is programmed to follow instructions.
Please don’t let yourself be bullied and put down. There is nothing bad about you. Your MIL is a control freak and your husband is spineless. Don’t let your parents ask you to “adjust”. There is nothing wrong with you. It is your husbands who needs to change and stand up for you. Husband may say that he cannot change his mother because she is old and set in her ways, so you should change. Again, there is no sense in this. She still seems strong enough to control you and ruin your happiness and wreck your marriage.
When will the MILs realise that they are ruining their children’s lives for the most immaterial things? They need to back off and stop poking their nose in their adult children’s lives. I understand they may have been treated like this by their MILs. And they may even consider themselves ‘too nice’ compared to them.
I have news for them: Times have changed. DILs have stopped taking shit.
Disclaimer.
I know that a lot of MILs are not like this. And I am glad to know that. I am not trying to generalize. This article is based on a certain perspective shared by some readers.
Published here earlier.
Image source: shutterstock.
I like to write about the problems that have plagued the Indian society. I feel that the concept of gender equality is still alien , and that has been the focus of my articles and posts. read more...
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Falling in love, marriage, a hidden secret, divorce. Despite all this, Vinita noticed her life was full of love that came in various unexpected shades!
“Aap jinke kareeb hotey hain, woh badey kush naseeb hotey hain…”
Just as Vinita was settling down into the cab seat, the driver put on music and the song started to play. It took her back immediately to that evening ten years ago, when Gautam had sung that very same song to her on the first evening they had met. She could remember every single detail of that evening so very clearly.
The driver obliged and immediately stopped the bus for them. Many men got down. They shamelessly lined up just by the side of the bus and peed on the other side of the road.
I work in Pune. My family lives far away from me in a small town along the coast of Konkan. I get to meet them once every fortnight for which I have to take a nine-hour long overnight bus journey.
While my married SIL lives with our family, I am not allowed to even meet my parents. No one here seems to understand what I go through!
Almost five years ago, I came into this family as a daughter-in-law. The family included my husband, mother-in-law, father-in-law and my husband’s elder sister. She has been married for a while but stays with her parents.
Haven't you heard 'Women do not support each other', and that too not from just men but also women? If anyone thought this was true, I would say either 'rethink' or just 'take a walk'.
Haven’t you heard ‘Women do not support each other’, and that too not from just men but also women? If anyone thought this was true, I would say either ‘rethink’ or just ‘take a walk’.
Of late, I have been voicing my opinions a lot and not been able to remain just an observer, or be a silent bystander as I used to be earlier. Guess it has come after my warrior avatars on @twitter – #armchairWarrior, #twitterWarrior, #WomensEmpowerment, #EndVAW, #UnpaidWork, #wasteWarrior. May be because I turned 47 this year with a lot of ‘wisdom’!