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We always talk and dream about an equal world for men and women. Maybe, we should start with boys and girls. An equal world is not built overnight, but over generations.
I am often termed a feminist. The reasons are the obvious. I am opinionated, I am vocal about my thoughts, advocate gender equality and believe that women are in no way inferior to men. I am said to be biased in my views about women. Yes, and I am unabashed about it. In this men’s world, it is really hard to be a woman.
Gender inequality is not new. From time immemorial, women have been made to believe that they are inferior to men. That they are just objects of desire, created to satisfy men. That women are assets, just like land and wealth. That they are meant to be ruled and possessed. These thoughts have been embedded so deep into our culture that it has become a part of our social DNA. And this culture is the foundation of all crimes against women and several social evils like rape, honour killings, domestic violence, abuse and molestation, dowry and female foeticide.
I am thankful to God that I was born into a family that never saw daughters as a burden. I am grateful to my parents who educated my sister and myself, and enabled us to be financially and mentally independent. I am so happy that they brought us up like sons. But sadly there were relatives who had questioned their decision to educate us to higher levels. Many at times, aunties have expressed their shock on finding out that we didn’t have a brother or my mother did not have a son.
I am not looked upon kindly when I say that just because I am a woman, it does not mean that I should love to cook and clean. I am not applauded when I say that men of the house should share the household chores. I am told that kitchen is my temple and cooking for the family is my worship. The fact that I don’t like cooking causes many people to choke. At work, I am looked at negatively when I refuse to work on holidays and say that I have family commitments. When I say that as a married woman I need to balance work and home, unkind eyes look at me as if to say, “Why the hell are you working then?”. In interviews, I am asked if I am planning to start a family. In my society, most men view their wives’ jobs as a pastime, rather than a necessity. A friend recently had a baby and when I asked about her career plans, her husband said, “Now, it is not feasible and later, it would be her wish. Anyways, what is the need!”
When I got married and was leaving my job back home to relocate, one of my seniors told me that it is tough for a married woman to balance work and home, and that many people don’t understand that. And he wished me luck. I wished more men thought like him.
Sadly, it is also women who make lives of other women miserable. Instead of becoming allies, we often become competitors and fight for attention and power. At home, instead of teaching equality between her children, a mother teaches her son to be tough and her daughter to be submissive. A mother-in-law rebukes her son when he tries to help around the house and insists that the daughter-in-law takes care of everything. It is preached that family and home is the only career of a married woman. At work, instead of coming to each others’ rescue, we waste our time pulling each other down. Stay-at-home mothers do not leave any chance to taunt working mothers about their children’s well-being. We have to understand that it is only together that we can move forward to a world where men and women are truly equal. We need to watch out for each other and take care of each other.
From the time we are born, we are taught to behave in a certain way. Girls are taught to be soft-spoken, well-behaved, coy, love the colour pink, play with dolls, be submissive and homely, not to have opinions, not to speak their minds and to feel inferior to boys. Boys are taught to be tough, make decisions, be the breadwinners, hate the colour pink, play with cars and swords, not to do any household chores and to be superior to girls.
So, to achieve gender equality, it is not just enough to teach girls that they are as good as boys. It is also necessary to teach boys that it is okay to cry, that it is okay to not be tough always, and that it is okay to like the colour pink.
“A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes.” ― Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
I have said this earlier, and I am saying this again; it is not just enough to bring up our daughters like sons. Nothing will change until we start bringing up our sons like daughters. And only then, an equal world for both men and women would become a reality.
Image of a family in the kitchen via Shutterstock
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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