Check out these 8 Government Loan Schemes That You Can Benefit From As A Woman In Business.
The relation between a DIL and her MIL is cursed. It can never be cordial. In fact it is only a fragile relationship with a prejudiced foundation!
It is a popular notion that a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law are meant to hate each other. If not mutual hatred, then it is one-sided ill treatment.
Such notions have been reinforced in our society time and again by our beloved movies and soap operas.
An innocent and simple DIL is mistreated by her MIL and is never appreciated for what she does. Or, the simple, innocent and old MIL is mistreated by her evil DIL and is left to fend for herself in her old age.
Else, they are simply fighting like cats and dogs. Well, such stories are true but not exclusive. A relationship has multiple facets, and a MIL-DIL relationship is no exception.
Many years ago, a married senior colleague remarked sadly, “The relation between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law is cursed. It can never be cordial.”
An aunty responded to it, “I don’t ask my daughter-in-law to do anything around the house. All I want her to do is take care of herself and do her own chores. Why doesn’t she open up to me? Or at least spend some time with me?”
A newly married friend told me,“My mother-in-law can’t be like my mother, ever!”
My husband once asked me,“When a mother and daughter fights, it is deemed to be okay. But when a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fights, why is such a big deal made out of it?” In my understanding, the fragile relationship between a MIL and DIL has a closed-minded and prejudiced foundation.
Every family and every home is different. So when a DIL is welcomed into a new family, everything is literally new for her. A new home, new ways, new family members, new traditions and new expectations.
Thus, begins the process of adjusting, compromising and trying to make a new place for herself in a new family for a lifetime. In this transition phase, she needs the affection, guidance, support and counsel of her husband foremost. And she also needs the same from her MIL, the lady of the household. However, it is also important that she keeps an open mind and heart towards her new family and its ways.
On the other hand, the MIL didn’t raise the DIL. Hence, she needs to be patient with the young bride, try to understand her ways and guide her in her new journey.
She needs to remember her own days of being a new DIL and the difficulties she faced. The MIL needs to make efforts to make it easier for her DIL than she had it. Problems arise when either of them choose to shut herself in and assume that the other simply doesn’t like her.
A mother knows her daughter since her birth. Similarly, a daughter knows her mother since birth. They know each other inside out. And understand each other’s qualities and shortcomings, likes and dislikes, emotions and moods, good and bad habits and strengths and weaknesses.
But a DIL and MIL come into each other’s lives quite late in their lives. And unfortunately they just expect each other to understand and accept the way they are from day one. Sadly, they rarely are interested to invest their time, energy and love in each other. Hence, clashes, bad blood, anger and hurt follows.
The role of the son/husband is very important in the relationship between a MIL and a DIL. Often, he is the very reason this complex relationship came into being. Both his mother and wife wish to have the ultimate authority and right over him. If not managed with love and intellect, his life can become hell.
The two women in his life need to understand that they both have different but important places in his life. They have their own roles to play and they are never meant to take each other’s places.
The MIL can’t be interfering in the lives of her son and DIL, else she will just end up creating discord between them. And the DIL must respect the fact that as a son, her husband has a responsibility towards his mother too.
The son/husband needs to understand that his mother and wife have their own places and importance in his life. It is only natural that both of them will come to him with complaints about each other.
But, he is not supposed to react and mistreat the other based on the accusations. He just needs to listen and pacify them both with love and counselling. Taking sides can be tricky.
An extension of the above point, a MIL and a DIL often set out to compete with each other to have the upper hand.
The older woman has been managing the household in her own way for many years and it is her fortress. She expects the young daughter-in-law to just be a sentry in this fortress and execute her orders. The young bride comes in with her own dreams and expectations of having a home which she can set up and run in her own unique way. Individual ideas of running a household, even when not cohabiting, lead to clashes.
Alongside, they compete for the affection and attention of the common man in their lives, resources, possessions and authority. This leads to obvious bloodshed.
Most importantly, the MIL and DIL should be willing to accept each other as a package. And for that they need to make an openhearted effort to understand each other as a person. They need to forgo the natural assumption that the other doesn’t like her or is threatened by her.
Your MIL can’t take the place of your mother. And your MIL and mother are two different persons, with their own unique personalities. Meanwhile, your DIL can’t take the place of your daughter. Your DIL and daughter are two different persons, with their own unique personalities.
But if given a chance and if you choose to treat them as you would treat your mother or daughter, they might be able to become as close as them and you can have the best of both worlds.
Try giving each other a chance, but with an open heart and honesty. And may be, you will be able to see the curse lifting from your relationship. If you don’t, you will always be a familiar outsider in each other’s lives, looking in with a big knot in your hearts.
A version of this was earlier published here.
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
Bibliophile. Book Reviewer. Woman of Letters. Plant Person. Romanticist.
Believe, and you can. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Tripti Dimri had completely won everyone over with her performance in Bulbbul. so there is a great deal riding on her new Netflix film Qala.
Netflix’ latest release, Qala (2022) is Tripti Dimri’s second collaboration with Anvita Dutt and Clean Slate Filmz after Bulbbul (2020). Her performance was applauded in 2020 with Bulbbul’s character becoming well known in most Indian households.
Thus, the audiences certainly had high expectations from Qala, a film that portrays a protagonist who suffers from schizophrenia and post-traumatic stress disorder, in terms of what Dimri, Dutt and Clean Slate Filmz would together deliver.
Does Qala match up to Bulbbul?
A few Bangalore schools recently did a search of students' bags for mobile phones that are banned inside, and were shocked to find condoms, oral contraceptives, cigarettes, etc.
When schools in Bangalore conducted surprise checks of the bags of students to see if they were bringing cell phones to school, they were in for a nasty surprise.
As this report in the Deccan Herald says, “In addition to cell phones, they found condoms, oral contraceptives, cigarettes, lighters and whiteners in the bags of students of grades 8, 9 and 10. To their credit, the school authorities handled the situation with maturity- instead of suspending the students, they informed the parents and/ or guardians and advised them to seek counselling for their wards.”
People are, understandably shocked to find out that adolescents in the age group 12 to 15 years are potentially indulging in sexual intercourse. People largely fall into four camps–
Please enter your email address