Have you commenced the second phase of your career after a career break? Share your story & get featured at Women in Corporate Allies 2022.
The author wonders why do women need to 'look married' at all and why they need the 'sindoor', 'mangalsutra' as a validation for being married.
The author wonders why do women need to ‘look married’ at all and why they need the ‘sindoor’, ‘mangalsutra’ as a validation for being married.
They – “You are married!” Me – “Yeah…..” They – “But you don’t look married at all!!”
I get this a lot- From colleagues, acquaintances, salon staff to random people I meet. Many of my office colleagues assumed that I am single and are surprised when I mention my husband or in-laws in my casual talks. When I was already working for a couple of years, many would ask me if I was studying.
Not to brag, but I have been even looked at as a prospective bride in other people’s weddings a couple of times. They didn’t even notice the red vermilion on my forehead. And once it was at my own brothers-in-law’s wedding! And yes, that’s the reason why aunties and sisters attend weddings, to check out prospective daughter-in-laws for their families.
My husband breathes mock fumes when I report such stories and remarks playfully that I should go out of the house all dolled up in fistful of sindoor (vermilion) , dangling mangalsutra (a black beaded necklace which married North Indian women typically wear) and jingling bangles.
And it makes me wonder what does looking married means anyway. How does a woman look married?
Is it wearing traditional attire? Or applying a dollop of sindoor on her middle hair parting? Or by announcing her entry with jingling of bangles and anklets? Or by not taking care of her looks and body? Or by opening her mouth only to blabber about cooking, housekeeping, husband and children? Or by appearing haggard at all times?
And why does a married woman need to look married at all?
Meanwhile, They – “But you don’t look married at all!!!!” Me – “Thank you. I would take that as a compliment.” (With a wide grin!)
May be it’s just my “look younger” genes (Thank you Ma and Pa!).
Image Source: Pexels
Bibliophile. Book Reviewer. Woman of Letters. Plant Person. Romanticist. Believe, and you can. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
She would serve everyone fresh food and serve herself the stale rice and curries from the previous meal. Some days after finishing the leftovers she was so full she would not even be able to even taste the fresh food.
When I married the first time, my MIL told me that during the Navratri the lady of the house should not eat stale food. ‘Gharatlya bai ni shila khau naye’ — in refined upper caste Marathi.
I was just 26, eager to please, not versed in patriarchy or feminism, and it seemed like a positive thing — respect for the goddess in woman.
But soon I realised she spent the remaining 356 days of her year finishing leftovers. And that I was expected to do the same.
We say that we live in modern times and talk on subjects like feminism, supporting your loved ones, encouraging them to follow their dreams. But how many of us can really say that they actually do that?
We live in a world where there comes times in everyone’s life when one has to make choices which will leave a long term impact in not just their life but on the lives of those attached to them.
Giving the ones you claim to love the freedom and space to make their own choices and the wings to fly is not only the right thing to do but sometimes its also the thing they need the most; without having to face the ‘guilt’ of living the life they want.