Are You Being An Understanding Person, Or Are You Being Taken For A Pushover?

Posted: October 7, 2017

Being an understanding person can go too far, with loved ones, friends, and others taking you for granted because, “she understands”!

I have grown up as an over-accommodating (may be called generally helpful) person and, as some people would say, quite an understanding person, too. So, when my mom needs advice on something that she is unable to make sense out of, she thinks of me, “Let me call her, she will ‘understand’.”

At other times, when my sister has trouble with her friend and wants to talk to someone who may not judge her, she thinks of me, “Didi is the right person to talk to, she’ll understand.”

Yet at other times, when my brother lusts for his tablet and forgets about his study hours, he thinks of me, “Let me confess it to Didi, she will understand; Mumma will just scold me.”

And then there are times when my friend delays checking in on me when I am sick, and thinks, “She is such a sweetheart, she’ll understand. Had it not been for this urgent meeting, I would have seen her the first thing.”

Of course there are friends who find it suitable to call me out for help (remember I am generally helpful?) and when I ask for it, they think, “I mean well, but I can’t this time, I know she’ll understand.”

There are friends who create all the fuss about not seeing you in a long time, and when they do visit, they think of you, “It has been a hectic visit this time, she would understand if I see her next time.”

Then there are cousins, relatives, in-laws, friends, more friends, distant ones, etc., all of who walk into your life like it is their right to expect all worldly understanding from you, in exchange for all the peace and time that you lose on their account, and even label you as a ‘pushover’ when convenient. Because, you see, the boundaries of ‘over-understanding’, ‘over-generous’ and ‘pushover’ are thin. And don’t forget the attitude that you have, just in case you decide to pull your act together.

You know what, in my experience, and ‘understanding’, these over-understanding set of people in your life – often the most taken for granted set – are exactly the ones you should preserve most. Because they, once gone, are just gone. In these times, they are hard to find. They realize they are of real value, especially when you understand the ‘real’ and ‘value’ together. They care when others don’t, and they stretch for you when no one else bothers to, they wait up patiently when others yell, and all for ‘she’ will understand, no!

Published here earlier.

Image source: pixabay

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