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Do not forget to live for yourself, ladies – after all, you are just as important as the family and friends that you live for everyday, taking care of them.
One complaint every married lady has is – “My husband doesn’t have time for me. He never plans surprises for my birthday or our anniversaries. Every time I am the one who plans surprises for him and he never cares to reciprocate the same. Many a times he doesn’t even realise that I am upset and he needs to make up for his folly. Also, he should realise that sometimes, even I deserve to be coddled and cosseted.”
We expect a lot from our family members and one simple reason is that most of us have a bad habit of living only for our family. We devote each and every second of our lives towards the family. There is nothing wrong in living for others but there is definitely something wrong if you are just living for others.
I am a working mom turned into an SAHM, who spends days together without making hair or putting on a basic lip gloss, just because I don’t have to go out. We excuse ourselves from dressing up by saying “Who cares? I am at home. For whom should I dress up?” If, someday your husband is out on a tour and there is nobody at home except for yourself, there is a high possibility that you will skip cooking and somehow fill your tummy with mere bread butter.
And if you think that it is just the SAHM who lives for others whereas a working lady goes out all decked up and spends those 8 hours at work all by herself, then you are wrong.
A working mom, however late she might be running, will choose to make 2 paranthas fewer for herself but will never skip packing lunch for her husband and kid. She will skip putting on her lipstick but will never skip to dress up her kid from head to toe for the school. Even at office all she is worried about is – “Has the servant come? Did my child return from school? Did he/she eat properly? Is he/she sleeping or studying?” These kinds of worries hover over a working mom’s head, leaving little space to concentrate on her work.
Also, one of the biggest projects for a lady is –“khaane mein kya banaun?” This is one question that occupies a lady’s head 24×7 for breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner. She always speculates between choices of her children, in-laws and husband. Rarely or never does she cook for herself. Instead while making chapattis she saves the worst of the lot for herself and serves the best ones to the family. Why do we discriminate against ourselves as compared to the rest of the family? I do not advocate throwing away your leftover food, but once in a while, give away that burnt chapatti to a dog or bird, or even others in the family, and make a fresh one for yourself.
We are so busy living for others that we forget that our soul is equally important. It is nobody else’s but our moral duty to pamper it and rejuvenate it. I have observed that most Indian women, by the time they reach 50 and their age starts dawning upon them, they start feeling victimised. Major reason being – they themselves have spent each and every second of their life for their kids and husband. When their kids go out for studies or are married off, ladies are left shattered. They don’t have any motive left in life. Hence, even after being showered with all the love and care, they feel that they are not getting enough. Which is obvious because getting back each and every second of yours is just impossible.
My dear ladies, live for your family but it is equally important to live for yourself too. I always encourage ladies, especially SAHMs to develop at least one hobby or passion which makes you feel contented, cheerful and light-hearted. This hobby can be as simple as bathroom singing and as big as the most distant dream. Gradually over the years, your hobby will transform into your passion. And one fine day, when your kids grow up to be self-sufficient and the burden of responsibilities on your shoulders has reduced, you can fall back on your passion and relish your time with it.
So, every day do something for yourself. Sing while you bathe, dance while you cook, read for yourself, cook for yourself, write for yourself or even gossip to let out yourself. Do anything you love to. If nothing else, every morning just dress up for yourself. Wear a new jewellery piece safely preserved in almirah for those special occasions. Dine in that delicate crockery that has been safeguarded from all the dust and evil spirits all this while and has never seen the light of day. Serve yourself steaming , hot food and if you don’t wish to cook, just order something for yourself.
Learn to live for yourself too, because today sparing those few minutes might not be a big deal but tomorrow when you actually have leisure time for yourself, you should not be left devastated wondering what to do with your life.
Published here earlier.
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