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After a broken relationship, meeting my ex is the last thing I would want. But if your present does intersect with their present, here’s what to do.
Most of us have been in love, right? At least once, right? Also many in the most have been in love more than once, right? So the many among the most of us were lovers of the many among the most of us right? So the chances of bumping into our ex are high, right?
Ok, that was confusing, right?
Jokes apart now! Did you tick all of the above questions in your mind? I sure did! Small world they say, and yet I don’t bump into Hugh Jackman.
Ok, let’s move on now! Let us first admit the fact that we have all been there and some of us are struggling with it. How do I treat my previous relationship? Do I ignore it? Do I bury it under the carpet? Do I carry it around in my mind? So many questions pop up inside each of us.
Let me tell you something – how you treat your previous relationship comes from how you want to treat the person you were in a relationship with. Before you break your head on how you want to treat your past, first make up your mind on how you want to treat that person.
I wouldn’t exactly call it the cliché ‘love failure’ for it really is not. If it taught you a thing or two, then it sure is not a failure. A past relationship can mean a lot of things to us. It can kindle a certain kind of an emotion within us. Some are pleasant and some not so pleasant.
There could be a million things that could have gone wrong. But, most often than not, we take the convenience of passing the blame to the other person. Hardly, we take the onus on us for our mistake. The moment you take ownership and accept that the relationship ended also because of you, is when you really become the bigger person.
You don’t lose your credibility by saying “I fucked it up”, you only learn how not to fuck it up the next time. See, simple!
Let’s just remember that! You are no different in this. We will meet someone again and he or she will be someone else’s past or chances are they will not have a past at all or chances are you will fall for your past again.
How are you so sure about life? You aren’t right? Then how are you so sure you will never cross ways with your past? If you do, would it get dirty? Are you nodding? Then its time you definitely do some retrospection darling!
You may meet him/her at work or at a club or a social gathering, or he/she might marry your friend or relative. You never know! What if he/she is your boss at work? Will you quit your job? What if he/she is your subordinate? Will you fire her/him? How silly that would be! Thereby, it is so important to make peace with that person.
By making peace, I don’t mean you go in person and shake hands and give a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Actually, that does sound nice, isn’t it? I would prefer the double chocolate and mango! Ok, jokes apart, you can do that too but if they aren’t geographically closer, you might as well make peace within.
No matter how bad the relationship was, do not associate the emotion of that with the person. As elementary as this may sound, it takes two to clap. So, if there is a bitter taste it left in your mouth, chances are you screwed up with the salt a bit too much.
Firstly, stop blaming him/her to your entire circle. It shows small mindedness. Secondly, try and forgive him/her. Unless, there was something really brutal that happened. Thirdly, accept that you had a hand in the break up too.
You don’t want to feel bad whenever you cross paths with her/him in the future. You don’t want the unpleasantness to creep within you, right? No matter how bad it ends, every relationship starts off wonderfully well, doesn’t it? I bet that person would have done everything and anything in all his/her strength to see you happy. I’m sure it wasn’t a screwed up relationship from day one, it can’t be!
There are quite a few who treat their exes well. Some still remain very good friends with their exes. Some dread the very name of him/her. A bunch, which sheds gallon of tears seeing the pictures of him/her. Some silently love him/her even after moving on to someone else. Some plot a plan to get back at their exes. Some, fume with jealousy seeing them move on. We all belong to any one of it. It’s just one big universe; you will eventually fall into some bucket or the other! Remember, if we try to pull them down, they might be thinking the same too!
It’s a funny thing to see how some behave when they meet their ex. Most of us, try so hard to put up an extra-large smile and show off that our life is the most happening ever. Even if our Friday nights mean eating Maggi and.. Oops, that was banned right? Damn!
Ok, even if our Friday nights mean just watching porn and… What?? That’s banned too?
Ok, let me seriously now finish this sentence. Even if our Friday nights are just eating a bowl of oats and watching Emotional Atyachaar on TV, we do want to put up a picture – that our life is so much more happening after their exit. So much show-off is not necessary at all. Remember, it’s a small world and for most of us, our exes might still be a part of our bigger circle. You also needn’t put up statuses of lost love quotes and tag friends who you know will be in their friends list to get some sympathy votes. Nah! Never works!
Firstly, stop exaggerating about your current life either in a bad or a good way. You don’t need to drop bread crumbs on how you’re doing. If they want to know, believe me they will find a way.
Secondly, don’t shy away. There are some who try to hide behind a pillar in a mall, or wear a very inappropriate scarf around the head in a social gathering upon seeing the ex. Why run away? He/she is not going to chase and eat you. Don’t do that, makes you look funny and silly. Be matured and dignified about his/her presence.
Thirdly, stop spying his/her life. How does it matter to you where he fills gas every day from work? Stop being the stalker. You never know, he/she might actually know that you are in-fact stalking, but would anyway enjoy the attention.
Exes are all around us. The ‘someone new’ that we meet might be an ex of someone else. Imagine, his/her ex doing that to him/her, how would you feel? Bad right? Your ex will also feel bad the same way!
So STOP the drama that you’re doing and GROW UP! It’s OK if you don’t make amends with your ex, but don’t make his/her life worse. Like how the fast-track ad says, MOVE ON…! Literally!
Image source: pixabay
Author of 'Make it 2'.
Extremist. Feminist. Humanist. Mentalist.
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