Our Girls Need Sex Ed, And Not From Porn

Posted: June 30, 2016

Many teenage girls and woman go to porn to find out what sex is. Sex ed is the requirement of the day, so that porn can be watched only for pleasure.

Oooh… aaah…Oh my god… oh yes… push push push!

Does the above text seems familiar? Yes, because it is a familiar act that results in these noises. Yes, the act of love making or quite literally SEX. Yes, say that aloud. You do it. I do it. Let’s not beat around the bush and sit for a cup of hot cuppa and talk about it.

How many of you women readers hush hushed already or minimised the page because I used the word SEX? How many male readers pinned this as a bookmark to read later? So much for the shout-outs on gender equality.

Somehow, in India, SEX and women aren’t really related in a broader sense. As in, SEX is what women indulge in but not talk about. How convenient is that? We as a country do not let our women talk freely about SEX but then also look at increasing population. How I ask, medical miracles?

For decades, SEX has been a very masculine term. A word that only the men can use or rather are allowed to. When words as basic as SEX is gender classified, you can only imagine how a term like PORN is considered to be. Taboo right? I’m looking for a stronger synonym here.

PORN as an industry is increasingly getting popular because of the women who perform in it for the men who watch it. Men who watch it discreetly in their laptop while the wife is busy making dinner for him and the kids. Men who watch it silently in their mobiles sitting in the last row of a government bus as their eyes wave between their phone display and the women standing without having a seat. Men who sneak in coffee breaks to fancy some quickie on their phones to jerk off thinking of a female colleague. Men who watch it because they are men and because its ok to be a man and watch porn.

HOLD YOUR GUNS AND OTHER THINGS as I break your bubble right there. A recent survey shows that close to 50% of Indian women learnt about SEX by watching PORN. Alarmed? Surprised? Shocked? Myth broken? Before you start judging the women of this country and coming to assumptions and snatching your daughter/wife phones to go through their browsing history, understand what it the root cause for this might be.

If only certain aspects in the society given the importance and addressed to the way it was supposed to be, the need for women to watch porn to learn about sex would be far less and the need to watch it for pleasure or to enhance their knowledge on sex would be on a high. It is very sad to note that in a country which was the birth place for Kamasutra, the women here are ashamed to know about sex from fellow countrymen/women and resort to watching porn to even know what it is.

Isn’t it fair that the daughter learns about sex and what it is from the mother who created her? Rather, she is left all alone without knowing what it is and the impact of it and then goes about other avenues to find it out by herself.

This finding can be dangerous and it leads to many things. Finding out what it is through porn seems safe but then this is also an age when someone can easily take advantage of her ignorance over the subject and misuse it to their favour.

Women watching porn isn’t a bad thing at all but watching porn to learn what sex is, seems a sad thing. Porn is not to learn sex. It is to enjoy what is already known to one. Porn is to enjoy and try new things on the bed. Porn is to masturbate and enjoy the feeling of orgasm and not to discover what masturbation is.

Another point is that porn serves as a stimulator for many women. We watch it get aroused and feel good about ourselves either with our partner or by ourselves. The sad thing is that most Indian porn project women as objects of lust and tagging them to the slut. Whereas the man is most always the superior being in the act. Either he is the owner trying to get between the legs of the housemaid or he is the brother in law being lured by the sister in law in the absence of the husband. Or he is the boss who is taken for a ride by the secretary for a handful of raise.

You see a commonality? The women is usually shown as the one either smothered and tortured or in most cases using sex for her growth. These situations don’t give way to orgasms but leave us feeling bad about the whole act and questioning if we are even sluts, by watching porn and benefitting from it. This is nothing but a patriarchal culture in the porn world too. If only we are given the equality and respect while treating our body to the fancy of the man.

If only the following points were addressed, the need for Indian women to watch porn to learn about sex wouldn’t arise.

  • Mandatory sex education in high school.
  • Parents not shying away when a kissing scene appears on TV.
  • Mothers being open minded to have a chat with the daughters about sex and what it does to a woman.
  • Social awareness films on sex and how a child is born to be made compulsory in villages, districts and towns.
  • Elders should understand that if a girl in the family asks ‘what is sex?’ it does not make her an evil person.
  • Parents should have an open discussion about the difference between sex and rape.

Just like how women are taught to make round rotis and perfectly drawn rangolis, it is all the more important to teach them about sex. It’s not a bad thing. We are all born because two people got excited physically and decided to make love. We weren’t dropped off by god from heaven.

Let’s not make sex look like a crime. It is because the known family members who are hesitant to talk about it, women look for other alternatives to know what it is. The curiosity killed the cat, in this case the women. Their desire to learn from a stranger is dangerous and needs to be addressed immediately. Tell them what sex is and what rape is. Most women don’t even know they were raped and live in denial all their lives. Do not become the reason for this consciously or unintentionally.

Teenage is a very tricky phase for a girl to go through. The hormones have their own way of perceiving things and people. What we feel is wrong will seem right to them and the other way round too.

Stay calm and have a healthy discussion with them. Tell them it is okay to go through whatever they are having in their mind. It’s only normal. It’s only human. Don’t make them feel like they are not doing the right thing. Let them know what sex is and if possible play a video and explain how it is done and how they were born. This will not make them want sex but only make them aware of what it consensual and what is forced. This will not only help them be more learned, but this will reduce rapes and thereby make the country safer for women.

Image source: the word porn on a keyboard by Shutterstock.

Author of 'Make it 2'. Poet. Extremist. Feminist. Humanist. Mentalist. Filter kaapi and dark chocolate

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