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What should a woman like me do, who wants to work, get a PhD, yet also get married, have kids, have a husband. Am I asking too much?
What is marriage?
A contract between two people? Or contract between two families? A permission to breed? Or just making sure your child has emotional and financial support other than you?
No matter what the answer is, marriage is never without compromise.
Since I was a kid, I’ve heard that marriage is important because I “cannot stay alone”. My family never understood how that one sentence can affect me on my future choices, even though my family never forced me for marriage.
I am still single. So why I am writing this? Because when you are going to be 25 and everyone is interested about your marriage, you kind of hope to be happy or shy whenever people ask about marriage.
But why I am scared?
Because everyone around me is telling me to choose the “safer” option. Even if I am not compatible with that guy. Even if I don’t feel the hope, the butterflies inside.
It may sound filmy but why not?
I also deserved to be in love, I also want to feel things. But that one sentence since childhood is imprinted on me. In past I have chosen guys that are angry or selfish, and whenever I complained about them, my family and friends told me, “He works too much, he is tired, he does so many things for you, he is a man, they act this way, this is normal, just ignore!”
Even after breakup, still my family blames me for lack of adjustment. Nobody saw me when I was compromising way beyond my limit. Why is a family who is open to my pre-marital relationships telling me to compromise or ignore the red flags? Is patriarchy never going to leave us?
And now when I want to get married and I finally am stable in my life, I am encountering mostly men who thinks its ok to get angry or irritated, or hide small things from me because, “It’s not wife’s cup of tea”.
Even if some guys say things that are not judgemental or misogynistic, they seem to change their behaviour very soon. And again, when I say this to the people I know they laugh. They casually say, “Men are like this only.”
I am confused beyond imagination. I feel my confusions are not real because of everyone’s reaction. But i feel like my mind wants stability with a person who also makes me happy.
What should a woman like me do, who wants to work, get a PhD, yet also get married, have kids, have a husband. Am I asking too much? If the answer is to wait till the right guy, I am not even sure there is one.
And even if I get one, will my family stop talking about my marriage?
Image source: YouTube/ Average Ambili
Just a student who keep questioning everything and definitely wants to do a PhD in gender studies. read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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