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My daughter with special needs feels she is a very important person in the world, and my son was the one who created that image in her mind.
As far as I know, my son Rayyan disliked competitions. He loves to enjoy activities where no one has to prove anything to anyone or to be better than anyone. I was highly competitive and reluctant to lose, even to my children.
My daughter Farheena, who is 4 years younger than Rayyan, is a child with special needs.
Rayyan was the one who trained me about how to make Farheena win games, be it carom, video games, or any other thing. He worded it cleverly by not saying you should lose, but by saying how to make Farheena win.
He knew my hatred for the word lose.
It was quite tough on him to convince me to lose to Farheena so that she could enjoy all the activities and the thrill of winning. He would push her just enough to give her a feel of really tough competition, pretend to be trying hard, and would really regret losing the game or competition.
At times, Farheena did really perform great with carom board or other video/computer games, shocking us.
We had a musical mug that would play a tune when we lifted it and be silent when put down. It was a gift for me from my husband at our wedding. After a few years, it stopped working, but I still used it because it was attractive.
When Farheena was around two years old, she started banging it on the floor lightly after drinking milk. Surprisingly, it started playing the music again. Rayyan grabbed at this opportunity and said, “Maa, Farheena has magic in her hand. She repaired the musical mug, and it is working now. Farheena, show maa how you did it…”
Immediately, the proud sister picks up the mug and went bang bang bang….
Moms cannot allow such things to happen, right?
How can I teach Farheena that magic works, or that banging things repairs it? I have always been rational, and 2+2=4 is the only way my mind works. Neither could I encourage Rayyan to behave in such an irrational way.
So, I told him that it was not true and things do not work that way. The child winked at me and said, “Maa, it does. See…..” and he happily picked up the mug and allowed the music to play.
All the while trying to wink and convince me to play along.
Somehow, I did not wish to play along and brought out my automatic watch, which had stopped working a few weeks ago, and told him, “Do you think if she bangs this, it will get repaired?”
Rayyan was crestfallen and sad that Mommy was not allowing Farheena to enjoy her moment of glory. I was confused now whether I was doing the right thing or not. Somehow that sad, crestfallen face made me question myself.
As I was looking at Rayyan, the tiny confident hands of Farheena grabbed at the watch and went bang bang bang thrice, and Farheena smilingly handed over the watch to me. I was in a dilemma about responding to this situation when Rayyan started smiling again and exclaimed, “Maa, look, your watch is working! Farheena did it again”.
I wanted to clarify to Rayyan that maybe the automatic watch was stuck at some point and the banging must-have released it, but somehow I wasn’t stupid any more. I realized that Rayyan was not fooled but trying to make his sister happy because the watch was not yet working.
Yeah, I can be intelligent, but wisdom is something that I was not born with. I am earning it slowly. For a few more months, the drama of Rayyan asking his sister to tap or touch his eraser, pencil, book, or toys for better performance continued.
Farheena was so delighted to do it for him. Slowly it faded away, but I think that was the first stroke of confidence Farheena felt.
That was just the beginning. Rayyan has made Farheena the most important member of our family. When we are choosing a home, dress, electronic item, phone, or anything, he involves her in decision-making.
At every party, occasion, or trip, she gets the best seat, food, and comforts while Rayyan comprises many things.
I, at times, feel uncomfortable with this, but Rayyan tells me it is his choice, and that is what makes him happy.
I still remember how much he struggled to make her independent in playing the MP3 media player on our computer.
He would patiently explain to her the shortcuts for playing a song, playing next, forwarding, rewinding, and other features so that she could play the songs independently as she liked without waiting for us to do it for her.
The whole training took nearly 3 months before Farheena started using the computer independently. With time, she started typing randomly on Microsoft Word. I was thinking of getting a keyboard for her where the alphabet would be in order because QWERTY was confusing, but Rayyan insisted that we train her with a regular keyboard.
Again, he showed great patience in teaching her where the alphabets were on the keyboard. She would ask him where is ‘F’, where is ‘A’, where is ‘H’ and so on, and he would point it out to her.
Finally, she started typing her name on the word. Many people are surprised that Farheena types messages today, but all the credit goes to Rayyan. I got involved only after seeing Farheena typing a few letters.
Farheena feels she is a very important person in the world, and Rayyan was the one who created that image in her mind. Many people tell me that Farheena is quite confident and a girl with an attitude, and they applaud me for bringing her up so well.
More than 75% of Farheena’s developmental credit goes to Rayyan. He prods her so often to do things on her own. Though she stubbornly refuses, he never gives up. He also tells me not to do everything for her because it is tough to teach her to do things.
Usually, I frequently do things for Farheena because it is much more time-saving and easier than guiding her to do it. If not for Rayyan’s guidance now and then, I would have taken away many skills from Farheena.
I am grateful to Rayyan for being such an awesome brother.
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I am Farida Rizwan, 57, Counselor and Psychotherapist working as Senior Curriculum Developer with Chimple Learning. I am the founder of My Giggle Garden, Preschool, and Daycare. I am an ardent blogger @www.chaptersfrommylife.com read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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