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9 Easy Tips To Dump That ‘Mommy Guilt’ Unfairly Piled Only On Mothers!

Posted: December 18, 2019

While new-age moms have a number of things that help ease their lives, they are also made to feel guilty for a lot of things. But here are a few tips to deal with that guilt!

Isn’t it preposterous to find only women and mothers, especially the new age ones experiencing guilt?

Is guilt only confined to mothers of the current generation who are pros at multitasking and juggle roles with panache? And is it an isolating malady that only women experience?

Why is it specific and exclusive only to mothers? This world reverberates with the loud cries of maternal guilt without even the slightest whimper of paternal guilt!

Sigh.

Don’t men feel guilt?

Don’t men feel it? Is it just alien to them? Don’t their genes recognise guilt? Perhaps their systems detect, abort and hurl it into far-flung inaccessible domains.

Or just like feelings of empathy and sensitivity men lack the resources and chemicals in their bodies to feel and comprehend guilt. Perhaps women should openly admit and acknowledge that men are simply better equipped at handling guilt.

NUK, a baby-care product conducted a survey on mothers and guilt. This survey concluded that 87 percent mothers feel guilty at some point. And 21 percent regret things most of the time or practically all the time. This data is alarming considering how guilt is diabolical and requires immediate professional attention and treatment.

Both young and experienced mothers go through varying degrees of this incapacitating feeling at various stages of life. Guilt lays the foundation for all other negative emotions afflicting our bodies and minds.

Needless to say, it is negativity in our lives (and minds) that disrupts the harmony in our bodies and causes energy imbalance.

It is time mothers recognise the unhealthy and detrimental effects of guilt on their bodies and make concerted efforts to overcome it. Identifying the root causes of guilt and underlying factors is the first step to understanding and combating it head-on as well as attaining the desired outcome.

Easy Tips to Get Over Guilt

Delegate and share responsibility

Delegating parental responsibility to spouses can be the easiest way to get over feelings of negativity. Mothers can relax and watch their partners negotiate the tricky situations caused by the little ones.

Chances are that most men will come croppers as they struggle to find solutions to the plethora of parenting dilemmas. They may even give up, acknowledging that it is not in their DNAs to parent a child.

Or they would seek refuge under the conventional argument that men are definitely not wired or tuned to raise a baby. They may claim it is the mother who is naturally programmed to nurture the baby. Men will now be able to immediately empathise with the mother’s situation and start to offer support both physically and emotionally.

A few lucky mothers will find that their husbands are competent and confident fathers. As they take up parental responsibility and its chores and challenges with grace, acceptance and elan.

Establish a support system

Surrounding oneself with positive people in the forms of relatives and friends instantly lifts our moods and plunging spirits. It goes without saying that aligning ourselves with like-minded people empathise with our personal feelings will alleviate our suffering.

Connect with people who can relate to the general ailments and concerns associated with motherhood and parenting. Fortunately, several support groups formed by parents and an exclusive mums’ network are available to for mothers who find parenting overwhelming. These groups help women who are looking for advice to resolve parent-child issues and developing healthier relationships with their children. A healthy social life definitely contributes to our sense of well-being!

Identify coping mechanisms

Negative tendencies are to be combated with coping mechanisms. Any activity (exercises, long leisurely strolls, music, art, travel, dance, yoga, meditation) that helps us release the negative energy should be embraced. This should practised with commitment and devotion if we are to see the desired results or the fruits of our efforts.

Pursue hobbies

Hobbies are invariably the surest way out of challenging circumstances. The more we focus on our interests the least impact will these negative emotions have on us. People with hobbies are usually believed to have fewer self-destructive traits.

Resort to diversionary measures

This is one of the convenient ways to overcome guilt. Any activity that distracts us and takes our minds off from self-harming habits and unproductive thoughts like guilt will provide instant relief.

Practise mindfulness

Mindfulness and observation of our own thoughts and emotions is a proven technique to fight guilt. Being conscious and watching our thoughts time to time will help us identify the negativity arising within and also destroying them immediately.

We gradually understand that we are not our emotions but it is only the dysfunctional mind patterns that are playing tricks. And slowly learn to detach ourselves from such self-destructive feelings.

Get back to work

Career gives us validation like nothing else. Most of the toxic perceptions related to the self following motherhood can be eased when we return to work!

Go easy on yourself

Parenting is no easy task and there is no bigger responsibility than this. No job is as demanding as motherhood and is exhausting to say the least. It is even more frustrating and demotivating to see when our persistent efforts not yielding the desired outcomes.

So it is only natural to get exasperated when we see all our parenting endeavours going down the drain. Parenting involves substantial investment of our physical and mental energies, it is all the more important to go easy on ourselves. We relax our standards as well as expectations we have of ourselves. And to back ourselves when the going gets tough and understand that it is unreasonable to fulfil all our parenting goals.

Know that you are doing a good job

The knowledge that as mothers we are doing a wonderful job is extremely empowering, uplifting and reassuring. Given the laborious nature of parenting, it is time mothers stop underestimating and undervaluing themselves. Instead understand and recognise their true worth and contributions!

Picture credits: Pexels

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How To Combine Career With Motherhood

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