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Parenting is a shared responsibility then why blame the mother all the time for eveything that the child cannot do? Is it fair?
Parenting is a shared responsibility then why blame the mother all the time for everything that the child cannot do? Is it fair?
It was a Friday night and we were all seated at the dinner table. As I served the food my 9 years old shrieked, “No Spinach, please!!”
I could immediately sense my husband’s piercing eyes on me as if asking, “Why doesn’t she have the greens??”
Even before his looks could transpire into words I retorted back, “Don’t ask me why!!”
My daughter has already fractured her hand twice and sadly both the instances were in my presence. I felt guilty beyond words and blamed myself immensely for not being prudent enough to react in the fraction of a second between her run and the leap. I still get flashbacks of the incident. I am also sure I would have blamed myself equally had this incident happened in my absence. After this people asked me “Why didn’t you stop her from jumping?”
She was not potty trained until the age of 5. Trust me, cleaning a 5-year-old’s bum every morning is not something I enjoyed. But she just wasn’t ready. Who is to be blamed for it? The mother?
The child doesn’t perform as per societal expectations at school and you get to hear, “The mom hardly gets time from her own merrymaking to get involved with the child.”
Motherhood is indeed a monumental job for both working and stay-at-home mothers. Mothers provide the physical, emotional and spiritual support to inspire their children. They are supposed to be the role models and set the right benchmarks. Everyone does this to the best of their abilities so stop this blame game.
In my parenting journey I have realized that people are going to be judgemental about you and your parenting style, but be unapologetic and stop feeling guilty about it and be proud to have a life of your own.
The best part of this journey for me has been that I have done it my way. My husband has participated in a very superficial way to date. We keep having the discussion and he keeps agreeing that his active participation is much needed.
Parenting never came with a blueprint. I faced my own hardships and did my own permutation combinations. It’s a long way ahead and eventually, I would know if I fared well. As of now, I am the best judge of my situation and I refuse to apologize for my decisions.
My yardstick for right parenting has never been: How early did she do it? OR Did she top the class? Children accomplish milestones in their own way and own time. I am absolutely comfortable with this! And in life, her competition is not going to be only with the 30 students in her class. So stop feeling the peer pressure. I refuse to be deterred by these short term successes or failures.
“Love yourself first and everything else will fall into place.” Over the years, I have realized this is so true.
Stop feeling guilty for digging into that tub of ice cream after putting her to sleep.
Stop feeling guilty about those girls’ night out that will help you rejuvenate and be ready for the upcoming week.
Stop feeling guilty about going on a solo/girl gang/partner vacation without the kid(s) if possible. This break is needed to keep your sanity intact.
Stop feeling guilty about shopping for yourself. Train your feet not to turn towards the kids’ section as soon as you enter the shopping mall.
Take the ownership of your kid’s imperfection and tantrums. But do not blame yourself solely for it. Parenting is a shared responsibility. The school and society have a part to play in shaping up the personality of the child. Identify the shortcomings and rectify them instead of fretting about it.
Parenting is a journey. Learn from your experiences and challenge yourself to do better. Because you want the best for your child.
Stop putting yourself up on a pedestal and stop being amused when people call you a “Superwoman” because as a parent you will often be at crossroads.
Sometimes you will do it right and sometimes you might end up doing it all wrong.
Just own it all and bid the guilt goodbye!
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"There is a story and a vision which makes us gravitate towards cinema. Even as we worked as assistants on ads, we realised that cinema was our true calling," say Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh Raseen.
The Railway Men. Mili. Cuttputli. The Diplomat. Bade Miyan Chote Miyan. And more…
Let me introduce to you the talented designer duo who have worked on these, and can be considered today’s upcoming costume designers for the screen. Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh.
Having studied at NIFT, Gunpreet Kaur Mann sent her portfolio out to several designers. Her first gig was as an assistant stylist with Manoshi and Rushi, who also happen to be a designer duo. She worked on an ad film starring Saif Ali Khan and eventually landed a full time job with designer Vikram Phadnis. Years of experience as assistant costume designer followed, which eventually led her to getting a break.
A ‘thank you’ makes a lot of difference in the way any woman in your life sees herself in your eyes. It might even mean the world to her.
I have not received any appreciation in the past. Probably never will. This is the experience of ample women across the globe. The expectation to be thanked for all the sacrifices she makes to keep others happy has faded. Yet the urge to hear few words of acknowledgement always lingers.
There is never a day when she pushes off her own burdens. She knows not to give up on people she loves. Women in general, are givers by nature and hence, give without asking anything in return. They have been the care givers and lovers since centuries however receive no appreciation.
It will mean the world to your mother if you answer her calls. If your sister seems lost give her a hug and assure her about her strengths. Tomorrow, there might come a day when you would have to make your daughter feel empowered with few words of wisdom every now and then. For the children to feel wanted and loved, you must be able to spare some quality time with your wife and be present in the moment.
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