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My question is—is it really so tedious and cumbersome to tell someone that ‘you love them’ every day? If it brings a smile to their faces and gives them some hope to carry on, is it really too much to ask for?
Content Warning: Mention of suicide at the end of article
‘How to forget and ignore someone you once dearly loved?’ I can’t believe I’ve asked that question to Google so many times in the past years. Of course, the person for whom I did it has changed from time to time.
It might seem funny to the Facebook-generation how affected some people still are by broken relationships.
“Move on, yaar, life is for the living,” a friend of mine patted my back some years ago, when I was deep in one of my ‘blue’ phases.
I wanted to say a lot to her. Things such as — ‘I wish you had been in my shoes.’ Or, ‘You won’t understand. Those who suffer a severe fall know the pain of landing.
But all I mustered was, ‘Yeah, I am trying my best.’
I am one of those less fortunate people who are ‘sensitive’. I can already see a barrage of YouTube trollers against my kind.
“This generation is just so (cuss word) sensitive, these girls can’t even handle a little criticism.”
This was just one comment on a YouTube thread littered with offensive emojis and more ‘beep’ words some months ago, because a girl had spoken against cyberbullies.
“Why pay such people attention?” Another ‘sagacious’ individual commented.
I recall reading a newspaper column where a certain celebrity columnist sought to solve relationship issues people had. His approach was mostly deriding and mocking a person who might be going through one of the most painful periods of their life.
Slathering his opinions with an unforgiving sense of sarcasm, he kept telling a woman how pathetic and loathsome she was, and how she deserved to suffer. Apparently, she had possibly led a charmed life and deserved a grand dose of reality.
I wonder if he thought his highbrow vocabulary and ‘Oxford-ish’ tone sounded funny to people. To me, it didn’t. I felt for the woman because it appeared she really needed help.
Now comes the fallacy. How many times have you been laughed at when you told someone you dearly love, or care about, that you feel unloved?
You will find even your own family will bash you verbally for being, well, ‘sentimental’.
“What do you want me to do? Scream ‘I love you’ all the time to show you I love you. Don’t what I already do for you show how much I care?” That might be an answer many of us might have heard at different points in time.
My question is — is it really so tedious and cumbersome to tell someone that ‘you love them’ every day? If it brings a smile to their faces and gives them some hope to carry on, is it really too much to ask for?
Please understand that the woman you live with, no matter what your relationship to her might be, could already be dealing with a lot. The skeletons in her cupboard might be shifting even as I write, prodding the wretched memories she has somehow stamped a lid on.
If you don’t get the gist, she has moved on. Yes, it took her time because not all of us are made of iron and stone.
We weren’t born Targaryens, much to your disappointment. But we overcame many thorny paths, which left us bruised several times over. Adding fresh wounds to our already sewn hearts doesn’t make you a practical person; it makes you a heartless one.
My mother recently gave me a precious bit of advice. “Don’t cry, it shows your weakness. I have been through so much. Have you ever seen me cry?”
I cannot deny my mother is an exceptionally strong woman, and that her trials and tribulations were way too onerous than mine. And trust me, I have tried to be ‘strong’, the way she asks of me.
Call it a shortfall. My tears don’t stop. I wish there was some ten-step manual I could formulate for ‘sensitive’ women like me.
Those are just some thoughts that might make it to my list.
I have read of women who kept the pretence up, and then one fine day, hung themselves from the ceiling fan in their room. Of course, people labelled them ‘cowards’. I wonder how many times they died before they actually allowed their last breath to be squeezed out.
I am also trying some things that my wiser friends and family have suggested. Bury myself with work and motherly duties. Engaging myself with things that I like to do.
And learning to be ignored by someone I loved and perhaps still love way too much for my own good. I envy those who can just leave people behind and seal their hearts as if nothing ever existed. I wish I could be them.
Perhaps, one day, I will master the charade. Or maybe ‘die’ trying.
If you or anyone you know is feeling depressed or suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call.
Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669
Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050
Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704
Sahai, Bangalore: 080-25497777
Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001
SPEAK2us – Tamilnadu 9375493754
Image source: CanvaPro
Amrita Sarkar is an aspiring writer based in India. Her short stories have been selected winning entries for The Times of India Write India Contest (Season 3) and The Hive Publishers anthology #Love. Her self- read more...
This post has published with none or minimal editorial intervention. Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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