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It is so inhuman to expect a homemaker to take up and be consistent with everything she does. Like you, she is a human too!
I am an engineer by qualification. I embraced motherhood in 2015. I have been working throughout my pregnancy and my maternity leave started two days before my delivery.
A career break was never part of the plan. It did not come to me organically, I had my share of struggles in coming to the terms with the fact that I might have to put a break on my career. To add to my plight, incidents that happened and questions that were asked made me feel terrible about being a homemaker.
After a gap of 6-8 months, when I was very happy and excited to be back to socialising and catching up, the only question I was asked upon meeting was, “When are you joining back?” The question I did not know the answer to, it always left me feeling awkward and the other person feeling that I am not in my senses!
It’s not like we as a family did not discuss this topic, but we could never come to a conclusion as with a working mother-in-law, the major concern in my case was how will the baby manage for 9-10 hours (in case of a full-time job)
Also back in 2015, my employer did not have the provision of giving me the leeway of doing part-time work or work from home.
I was also all in to enjoy the new mommy phase and was not bothered about my career, as much as people around me were!
My work required a commute of 35 kms to and fro; I used to travel from one corner of the city to other daily. Weekends used to be out with my husband or catching up with friends.
So initially, I liked this phase of being at home, but after some time I realised that I was turning into a homebody because of the circumstances. FOMO was hitting me hard, but I could not make up for it. I still cannot do much about it.
I was always under the impression that I would be considered greedy if I mentioned wanting to be financially independent. But not being able to spend on things of my choice made me feel miserable.
These would be little things. Salon visits, solo-shopping hauls, and eating out at my favourite places were my stress busters, and I was not able to do any of them. Also, knowing that I can earn, my self-respect did not allow me to keep asking for money from my partner now and then.
I reduced my needs, and the feeling of being financially dependent still haunts me.
Every homemaker would agree to this: cooking every day, morning and night, and taking care of the favourites of others tires us out so much that when we are asked or required to cook our favourite meal, just for ourselves, we are already exhausted and feel too lazy to do it.
We lack self-love you see! Everyone gets their demands fulfilled by a homemaker but she overlooks her own choices!
A homemaker does not have a Sunday! I have realised that Sundays are more hectic than weekdays. On weekdays, the schedules are fixed, and I have the liberty to do all my chores at my convenience. On the other hand, on a Sunday, timelines need to be met and the extra set of chores follow too!
On the days when I am sick, I still have my share of chores to do and rest is possible only if I can spare some time!
A vacation with family is only a change of location, because their responsibilities and their dependency on me keeps hovering over my head!
Not sure who stated this, and where it is documented, but I never wanted to be accountable for every wrong that happens at home.
For all the chores that are undone, there is a “What did you do all day?” It is so inhuman to expect a homemaker to take up and be consistent with everything she does. Like you, she is a human too!
It is 2023, advancements keep happening in seconds now and we still stereotype homemakers. It’s time we give them a little space and help them live their life a little better!
Image source: a still from short film Methi Ke Laddoo
A mother, homemaker, self-published author, founder, and podcast host at Authoropod. read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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