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How to stop seeking external validation? You are not alone, here are 4 ways to break free from the clutches of external validation!
Are you seeking external validation? How to stop seeking external validation? You are not alone, here are 4 ways to break free from the clutches of external validation!
I love to speak with women. And ask some potent questions in between our conversations. One of my favourite questions to ask is, “What patterns are keeping you small and blocking from you standing in your true power?”
And mostly at this question, many women go into deep thought. Many women then answer, “I keep on seeking external validation from my family for all my decisions”.
If you also answered the same after reading the question, first, I want to tell you that you are not alone. We all have sailed in this boat or are still sailing. Where our self-worth and the correctness of our decisions are based on external validation. I have been there too.
And I still sometimes fall into this web.
I thrived on external validation, especially in the age of social media and being a writer. Looking at my posts every other minute to see who has liked, loved or commented. And to base the worth of my writing on the presence or absence of those likes, hearts and comments. It was a time when social media validation dictated my mood.
It has taken a lot of inner work to finally be free from the clutches of external validation. A couple of years of work with a mentor and without a mentor.
And today I wanted to bring my learnings to you because leading a free life in the true sense is everyone’s birthright.
We seek external validation because humans are innately programmed to be in communities and feel one with a community. When we receive validation from this community, we feel seen, heard and acknowledged. And who wouldn’t feel good about that?
However, the problem starts arising when everything that we do is based on this ‘external validation’ and we lose touch with that inner life force of ours that guides us to take the next steps. The outer noise starts getting louder and the inner connection weaker.
I want you to pause here. Take 5 deep breaths. And now ask yourself, “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. How much are my daily actions and decisions based on external validation?”
And now breathe in the number. We are not shaming ourselves or going on guilt trips with the number. We accept this with love and grace, knowing we can change this number.
What if, from today, you take radical responsibility for your decisions even if the world is not with you? See where your decision takes you. Go the full round with this decision. Your world will change with this one step.
Learning to let go of external validation is not a one-day job. You will have to practice it every single day till it becomes a natural process.
Leaving you with a quote to let the learnings sink in, “Belief in yourself is more important than endless worries of what others think of you. Value yourself, and others will value you. Validation is best that comes from within.” ― Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o
Image source: Eldar_V, via Getty Images, free on Canva Pro
Hi! I am a certified holistic life coach from the University of Wellness, West Virginia. I am also a certified angel card reader, an energy healer, a spiritual teacher, an avid reader, a natural writer read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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