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When someone says they do not want a child, it means they do not want to be the nanny, teacher, parent, cook, doctor, driver, therapist, friend, confidante, and the hundred other roles a parent is expected to play within one day.
I recently wrote a post on instagram about how motherhood is romanticized and I immediately got a bunch of messages from men who were extremely taken aback that I could dismiss motherhood and compare it to materialistic things.
I have two dogs, help my partner co-parent and consider myself a very maternal person (whatever that means… in my dictionary it means I will ask you if you ate lunch). Why do people assume that women who are childfree or advocate childfree values are like the witch from any generic fairytale?
When someone says they do not want a child – what they mean is – I do not want to be the nanny, the teacher, the parent, the cook, the doctor, the driver, the therapist, the friend, the confidante and the hundred other roles a parent is expected to play within one day.
They do not mean that children are ugly, unworthy creatures to walk on this planet and that nobody should be reproducing. How hard is this to understand? Well some people shouldn’t be reproducing but that’s for another day.
Why do men like mothers so much? Or so they say – but we still live in a society where women above a certain age are almost invisible. Men pretend to support older women and mothers only in the inboxes of otherwise young(ish) girls who are trying to be rebellious – in most other times – they genuinely do not give two hoots about any woman who is older than a fetus – they are automatically considered aunties/kezhavis.
The thing is – I have tremendous respect for women who are mothers. It is a lot of hard work and our society is a shit place to be a mother. There are no privileges to living in a way that conforms to the patriarchal society, and I know its not a walk in the park for anyone playing that role- they will worship you for bringing life on this planet and have a party on your behalf while you change diapers.
However, what is this perversion of dismissing any woman who questions motherhood or in general the status quo? What is this expectation that any woman, rebellious or otherwise, will toe the line and not call you out on how you romanticize motherhood just to extract more free labour? Time is up. Women are questioning everything. Motherhood included.
Image source: a still from the short film Ghar ki Murgi
A marketing graduate from the Indian School Of Business, Nandhitha is passionate about writing. She loves to write about the world around her and also enjoys dabbling with fiction/poetry. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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