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By praising mothers on one day for their varied roles, we think we're doing a fab job, but we're adding more burden subconsciously on mothers, to continue to be 'selfless' and 'boundless'.
“You can do this if you are a mother.” “You can easily understand the child’s problem, you are a mother.” “You must know why the baby’s stomach aches, as you are a mother.”
Mothers are considered the supreme human beings, and we all love our mothers. There are little things that make a mother superior, or if I may say the ‘best’ to create the world for a child. Mothers have a connection with a child that cannot be substituted.
But wait before you make the mother stand on a golden jewelled pedestal.
For many years, mothers have been given medals, badges, and crowns and also made to stand on a pedestal that has all the glory of the world. All the badges and medals are words of praise and hugs that the mother gets from the child, and the crown that the mother wears daily is the crown of pride by raising the child to face the world with self-belief.
But by dumping all this responsibility on to the mother, are we not tying up her wings tighter, or putting her on a pedestal, asking her to contribute more; in other words, sacrifice more?
Mothers do not wish to stand on a special stage and have a bag of guilt to carry. Mothers wish to kick off the so-called stage that is set for them.
When a woman steps into motherhood, she faces pressure from everyone, be it from family, relatives, colleagues, or society. All expect her to be perfect, quick, handy, a problem solver, selfless, a nature lover, a remarkable cook.
A mother is a human being too; let her have her breathing space, and let’s not treat her like a robot where every wish is fulfilled in a blink. She cannot always be an Annapoorna for everyone in the family and fulfil all their wishes for food. It can happen that the meal she prepared turned out to be less in quantity, or not ‘up to your standard’. Every person cannot master all skills, so there is nothing wrong with asking for help in the kitchen.
Mothers can be career-oriented too. Do not judge them for their choices and personal growth, or ask them about their life priorities bluntly, or pass sweeping statements.
Adding the baggage of having to manage both home and work can be so traumatic and overwhelming, that most women opt to drop their careers. Staying at home is not a demeaning task, but for a few, it can create a depressed state where they are unable to work on their career or passion.
Mothers have mental health issues too; we cannot expect mothers to keep smiling all day and solving all problems of kids and the household without a frown. In fact, contrary to popular belief, motherhood can be a source of great stress, so let’s not minimise it by giving out messages only of a smiling, beautiful picture of motherhood popularly peddled to them.
Mothers also get angry, and this should be recognised and accepted. Just like others, they will express their anger; it’s human to vent out.
The stress a mother goes through is a serious condition that needs to be addressed rather than conveying to them that it is a phase and that “soon everything will be okay.”
By praising mothers on one day for their varied roles, we think we’re doing a fab job, but we’re adding more burden subconsciously on mothers, to continue to be ‘selfless’ and ‘boundless’.
If a mother can like her child with all flaws, then the child can also love a mother who is a little self-oriented, a little irresponsible, who forgets at times, who fails at times, who has dreams, who has a career.
On this Mother’s day let us all give wings to mothers by taking off some of the burdens on our mother by appreciating the person she is, and by accepting that mothers are humans too.
Image source: a still from the short film Maa
Meenal & Sonal blogger duo wishes to spread the aura of positivity through their writing. They use very simple, pure and unique ways to explain various concepts of day to day activities which easily connect to read more...
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Mostly Normal is a book of innocence, longing, filial love, angst and acceptance, encapsulating a gamut of human emotions within its lightweight edifice. The book touches the human heart and will stay with you.
Some books enthral you till the last page, and then there are those that you stop reading after turning a few pages. Some books are a one-time read, while you carry some books with you long after you have read them. Then, once in a while, a book hits you so close to home that you find it difficult to slot into any category.
I will put Priyadeep Kaur’s Mostly Normal (BookSoul Reads, 2022) in this last bracket.
At a little less than hundred pages, Mostly Normal is a testimony of the power of words to inspire, irrespective of their length.
Most women do not get to live their lives the way they want, on their own terms. So why should they be tied down in their old age?
Every morning, while dropping the kids at the bus stop, I find a grandfather waiting with his granddaughter. I see him again when I fetch the kids. This has been the pattern for the last few years.
He is seen actively participating in his granddaughter’s activities, from morning and evening walks to attending her parent-teachers meeting, sending her for extracurricular activities to even planning her birthday party. He is admired by all. He is appreciated for making himself useful in his old age. People rave that the doting grandfather is doing his duty towards his children and grandchildren. The much-admired grandfather is also a widower, having lost his wife years ago to chronic disease. It’s also to be noted that both his son and daughter-in-law are working parents.
Every day, the onlookers appreciate his sense of duty and dedication. They say that this is how the elderly should keep themselves occupied. They should bring up their grandchildren while their children go off to work.
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