If I Have No Reason To Stay In A Marriage Why Must I Wait For A Crisis Situation To Walk Out?

The signs are always there, but we refuse to give ourselves the time or courage to see and read the truth of us. We remain between being busy and lost in the comforts of our daily lives

Someone once said “you have the best book with you and you are refusing to even turn a page or read it?” The book is YOU. But you refuse to read it.

And believe it or not, I did stop to read me. Sometimes you don’t know what you want, the search is never ending, exhausting and futile. But how about, you just stop to read and understand what makes you unhappy? What do you not want? Go ahead, and pluck just one weed at a time from the garden of your life.

Just the way we pick a portion of our house to clean, one drawer at a time. Give away one thing that you are not happy doing or not wanting to do. Soon one at a time, but the house will clean, your life and your time free-r and yours to claim.

Everyday as women, we multi task and take on so much more in a day than we can actually even comprehend. As working women today, we are now in a never ending marathon to juggle it all, home, work, kids, social life for us and our families. As housewives, we had a different task and now we are working harder because we are so scared of being judged. 

The pressure to do it all

If family is neglected then work is blamed and vice-versa. We are in a race of being super humans even without realising it. 

So when are we giving ourselves time to have “me time”? Access what makes us happy? Are we even happy in the relationships that we are in?

Does a relationship need to be oppressive, abusive or submissive, narcissistic or any other extreme for us to stop a moment and think?

I write this to all the women out there, the super moms, super wives, the driven. A lot of who I see just living through their loveless marriages because of society, nowhere to go, and can’t imagine anything else. Complacency or bringing up kids keep some stuck in unhappy marriages. 

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Stop a moment! feel yourself, we read a lot about self love but the start to that self love comes from stopping to know “thy self”

Understanding and respecting your desires and choices within is a must!

Why is it necessary to walk out only if extreme circumstances exist? Is it because we feel it’s easier to explain to others? It is our life to live then why is an explanation that is understandable and explainable to others required? 

I realised comfortable and complacent is not happiness to me. I want more. Different people different strokes, you could want love, respect. The look. The appreciation, maybe just want to catch him talking like he is in awe of you. Maybe a better sex life. Maybe you want to hold his gaze in a room full of people. Whatever it is that your heart desires, first know it . Then respect it.

It isn’t always important to have a reason to walk away, sometimes you just don’t have a reason to stay! And that’s ok too.

The signs are always there, but we refuse to give ourselves the time or courage to see and read the truth of us. We remain between being busy and lost in the comforts of our daily lives.

27 years of being together, with no fights. Simple, complacent, comfortable. No reason to complain, but fell out of love, outgrowing relationships is a real thing.

Inexplicable but I want more from my life, do I need to feel guilty ? 

To all the young women out there, we read sad stories – brave stories and feel encouraged and brave. But only very few of us walk a step further within to see our truth. And even fewer of those actually take a step to realise their dreams, their potential  and unleash themselves to be happy 

If it’s enough to say “I love you” to marry then it is just enough to say “I am not happy” and walk away. Life is short and everyone deserves a chance at their happiness with or without explanations.

Image source: a still from short film Ghar ki Murgi

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About the Author

Shikha Poddar

Shikha Poddar a mother & entrepreneur, born and brought up in India is a versatile feminist writer who writes in Hindi and English. She is also known for curating classical music evenings and promoting the read more...

9 Posts | 10,538 Views

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