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I study all day because I want to get out of my family's controlling ways. If others are marrying, that's good, but I'll take such a huge step when I'm ready, not when others feel like I am.
Marriage is a word that we start hearing about from our parents and relatives once we’re in our mid-20s. And it’s the story of every Indian family. Even while studying, we are told to secure our future, not for us but because we’ve to get married.
From the beginning, the mentality has been the same: parents start saving and investing in gold ornaments just for one goal, and that’s marriage. I mean, what’s wrong with people now and mostly with our parents? This is one of the most important decisions, or you can say a choice in one’s life that decides the entire fate of the rest of our lives. Your parents should not force marriage on you, as doing so is one of the most devastating things in one’s life.
People had always seen their parents arguing, going through a financial crisis, and often had bad parenting, which made them suffer a lot. Marriage is a sacred bond. If one is going to get married, they’ve to carefully examine every aspect because a little carelessness can cause problems for an entire lifetime.
Mostly it happens that while studying in college. We’re burdened by the responsibility of marriage that we’ve never asked for. And the worst part is, in our Indian society, if we’re proving our point or taking our stand being logically correct, we’re said to be disrespectful towards our parents. From the beginning, we’re supposed to and expected to do whatever we’re being told. And then it’s forcefully made our decision to be happy.
How can I be happy if I’m not ready enough to share my life with someone and not ready to take such a huge and important decision in my life? I want my parents to understand at least this much that my career and future are as equally important as marriage is for them. And I need to secure my life and my future not because I’m going to marry shortly but because I’ve to do that for myself.
If others are marrying, that’s good, but I’ll take such a huge step when I’m ready, not when others feel like I am. For me, the priority is to accomplish and establish whatever I’ve dreamt of.
At a very young one of my sisters got married; she was only 19 years old. Her husband’s side of the family promised to let her continue studies after marriage, but it couldn’t happen as they burdened her with home chores. After two years of their marriage, when she is in mid-21 age, she got pregnant. And yes, in today’s era, 21 years old is still a very young age for a girl. She gave birth to a baby boy, but she isn’t happy.
How can anyone be happy when they forcefully get pregnant? And now, she is just a mother who takes care of her baby and her family. She isn’t happy with her life. She is just living because she doesn’t have any other choice.
If any girl is not happy about her first baby, what is the point of this motherhood? It’s all bullshit because, for me, I always put myself first, not others. And if at any point after my marriage my husband forces me to have a baby, then obviously I will cut that shit out. It’s my right when I get pregnant; society or anyone else doesn’t have this right.
The simple term “happiness” is really important for me because I am an introverted person. I don’t like to get mix with people or talk with people for hours. I usually stay alone in my room reading books or listening to songs. So, if anyone forces me to come out of my comfort zone, how can I stay happy? My parent always tell me to go out with family, friends or siblings, but I don’t feel good.
I hate the forcing nature of today’s parenthood. There are a lot of other things for which my parents scold me. Whenever I ask them for money for threading eyebrows, my mom starts ranting about diverting my attention towards beauty.
Girls around the world spend thousands of rupees on make-up and beauty parlours. I don’t indulge in any of them. But at the same time, if I ask for money to go out with my siblings, they will give it easily. In my father’s opinion, spending money on personal reasons is a big diversion for me.
I study almost every day and all day because I want to get out of my family’s controlling ways. But even after noticing that I study all day, they scold me if I go for just a stroll on the terrace alone for round.
I have an online friends’ group on Instagram where we share our drawings and talk about art stuff. When my mom got to know about this, she said it would be dangerous for me. Asking them about online friends is just like digging your grave. They think it’s dangerous, but why I still don’t understand.
But now I have online friends on Instagram and Facebook too, and they are nice people. But they restricted me from having more the 5 to 6 friends. And now I just think that why they are like this? Why can’t they behave like another normal parent? Why are they so rude? Why are they so strict? I hope I will get the answer to these questions soon. I really hope that my parents will change their nature and communicate with me nicely.
Image source: Still from Secret Superstar
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Chetan Bhagat had no business slut shaming Uorfi Javed or any other woman. If he wants to 'guide' young men in the 'right direction' then he should take accountability for his words.
Chetan Bhagat, one of India’s bestselling authors, thought it was an ingenious idea to slut-shame Uorfi Javed, an Indian actress and influencer, at the Sahitya Aaj Tak literature festival.
“Phone has been a great distraction for the youth, especially the boys, spending hours just watching Instagram Reels. Everyone knows who Uorfi Javed is. What will you do with her photos? Is it coming in your exams or you will go for a job interview and tell the interviewer that you know all her outfits? On one side, there is a youth who is protecting our nation at Kargil and on another side, we have another youth who is seeing Uorfi Javed’s photos hiding in their blankets.”
Uorfi Javed responded with a video on her Instagram stories calling out Bhagat’s bluff. She shared the screenshots of his previous chat conversations with Ira Trivedi, author and yoga instructor, which came to light during the #MeToo movement.
While boys are taught to naturally own the space they enter, girls are taught to give up, to accommodate, to adjust since "it is their primary responsibility to keep families and relations together."
Yesterday, I was watching these 4 young girls around 16 – 17 years old play badminton. They were having fun, goofing around with all 4 of them equally involved in the game.
In some time two of their male friends joined them, and as part of round robin, the 2 boys replaced two of the girls. All good.
As the play continued, I started noticing a change in the way the game was being played. The shuttle was played most of the times between the two boys and there was a sense of competition and aggression brought in. The other 2 girls playing soon starting losing interest in the game as they hardly got any game time. Even if the shuttle came towards them, the boy in their team would move and play that shot. They soon moved to the sidelines as the boys continued to play.
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