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Why should "Is there any Good News?" be the only question a married woman is asked if she seems to have put on even a little weight since marriage?
Why should “Is there any Good News?” be the only question a married woman is asked if she seems to have put on even a little weight since marriage?
“This pink is gorgeous, but a correct fit for me. The green is subtle and a bit loose. Now, which one do I choose?” Holding the salwar kameez sets together Neethu asked Nikhil.
“Wear the green one,” he bluntly replied.
“We are going to your cousin’s reception party. Shouldn’t I look stunning?”
“For the very same reason, please wear the green one.”
“What is it Nikhil? Just spill it please,” Neethu now understood there is something behind the answers from Nikhil. It was not just the color. His expressions and words did not go the same.
“In the pink outfit, your stomach is a bit protruding out,” he managed to speak.
“So?”
“We are married for more than six years. All my relatives will be there. Won’t they think you are pregnant when you actually are not? Don’t shame me in front of them.”
It was then Neethu felt the pressure behind the reality.
In many households, there are plenty like Neethu. After a wedding, if a woman steps out for attending a function, there are unwanted glances piercing at her to check whether she is conceived or not, which in turn gives space to gossip. Sometimes it also continues with comments about visiting hospitals or doctors or so on.
The decision to have a child or not should be of the couple alone. It is totally they who must decide when they need to plan for the same. Just to avoid the unwanted comments from friends or relatives, why should women be pushed into the stress hole of motherhood, if they don’t want to? Not having a child can also be a question of ego for men, but for that, should the woman be burdened with unwanted motherhood?
Also, isn’t it basic freedom to dress how a woman wants? Even dieting or exercising; shouldn’t it be her choice? After all, it is her life, so isn’t she the best person to decide for herself? How does her ‘figure’ or being size zero become a matter of his honour or embarrassment?
For those who actually ask such questions, it is just a conversation that lasts for a few minutes, but can be traumatic to the person who is questioned. It can affect their mental health and affect their normal routine and personal life. It can make them question themselves.
Yes, it is possible to ignore the comments and questions about having a baby, but these interactions can lead to anxiety. We may have come across people who tend to avoid attending functions for the fear of facing people. ‘What if they ask me?’
Aren’t there many other questions to be asked to women like ‘How is your work going on?’, ‘Are you able to maintain work and personal life?’, ‘Do you get you me-time?’, ‘What are your vacation plans?’ And most importantly, ‘How is your health?’
The situation may sometimes be unavoidable, but to face it, both husband and wife need to stay strong in their decision and support each other; after all it is their life. The vows taken during the wedding to trust and protect each other play a major role in these situations, shouldn’t they?
Image source: a still from Hindi short film Methi ke Laddoo
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).