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Dear Men, Dating A Divorced Woman? Don’t Do These 5 Stupid Things

Are you thinking of dating a divorced woman? Then you should know that she's already badly hurt, and needs a partner who'll care.

Are you thinking of dating a divorced woman? Then you should know that she’s already badly hurt, and needs a partner who’ll care.

Aaradhya has been single for quite a few years now. She got divorced from her husband as they had big compatibility issues.

As a daughter of an army man, she was raised in a culture where women were treated equally with their men counterparts. She was given every opportunity so that she could fare well in her life. She completed her masters but as destiny would have it, she was married to a doctor settled abroad before she could establish her identity professionally. Her married life brought ups and downs as anyone else would have, but she devoted most of her time to raising her two beautiful kids.

She knew from the beginning that her marriage wasn’t perfect, one but she had never imagined that she would have to part ways from her husband one day. When this happened, she was already 45 years old and now she doesn’t know how to get back into the dating pool after a long and committed married life of almost 20 years. We chatted and somewhere I felt that she has an emotional void which she is trying to fill by dating.

Dating a divorced woman, in India

Dating scenarios in India for divorced women are difficult but it gets really worse beyond their 40s. I remember a series on Netflix where the matchmaker was candid enough to make a remark that she doesn’t take cases of a divorcee in India as there are not many takers. I was reminded of this situation while I was talking to her. I asked if she tried dating or matrimonial sites. She laughed and said she did. However, the experience was not very fruitful.

I am putting out some tips for men who are dating a divorced woman in India and definitely, some of this comes from my own experience as well as hearing stories of Aaradhya and others.

Don’t give her reason to not trust you

Given that she has already had a failure in her married life, it is hard for such women to trust a new person. In today’s scenario of hook up and fuck, trust factor dwindles very fast and this adds to the complexities.

Therefore, the very first thing is to earn her trust. Tell her everything upfront, and share it all. Do not feel threatened if she is asking you too many questions. She needs it and if you are really interested, it is your job to comfort her in any insecurities that she might have.

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Trust me, her past has made her hard but if you are able to dive deep in, she is still full of warmth and affection. But she needs to know if you are worth it.

Do not play games

It doesn’t matter whether you are separated or divorced, you earn less or more, etc. She has already been hurt once so now do not play with her emotions.

Give her the honesty and the sincerity that she deserves. If she is dating you even after divorce, she has dared to put her heart on her sleeves and take the risk. It doesn’t mean you walk over that heart with your lies and deception. If you are a real man, you will care and not let her hurt and the only way to do it is being honest and committed.

Don’t keep her kids out of your relationship

A divorced woman in her 40s might be coming with her kids and thus, added responsibilities. She might be an independent working lady but that doesn’t mean that you owe no responsibility towards her kids. She would respect you more if you can love her children as if they were yours. As they say, it takes a real man to nurture a heart that he doesn’t break and raise a kid that is not his.

Don’t expect her to put you first, not yet

She comes with a baggage and it might be possible that she has still got some pending issues with her ex. Things may crop up anytime if they have a kid together. Offering help and taking a backseat is the best way to do it. Let her stay in control of that side and deal with it on her own.

Don’t expect her to change for you, she who she is

The most important thing is that you care for her. Remember why you would want to be with her. No one is perfect and so isn’t she too, but cherish her, celebrate her for who she is. She has been shaped by her past and her experiences in life and trust me, a woman who has endured so much in her life knows what she wants.

For all ladies who have dared to take a risk of falling in love again and for the man who understands what it takes to heal a wounded heart……

A diamond doesn’t start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, it becomes spectacular. I’m that diamond.” ― Solange Nicole

Image source: a still from the film Tribhanga

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About the Author

k kajal

I am an IAS officer from UP cadre, having a passion for improving women's health. I am an OBGYN specialist and have MS Global health as my educational qualification. I do my best to read more...

6 Posts | 29,510 Views

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