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Yes, I Am Single And ‘Still’ Happy! 3 Tips On How You Too Can Be

Posted: June 6, 2020

Being single and happy is not something that gels well with our society’s beliefs. But here are three ways you can choose to be happy – single or not!

Being single and happy doesn’t fit with the ideology of our society. It is not unusual in one where marriages form the core of any woman’s identity. Our upbringing is tapered to align with the expectations of the society. Being someone’s daughter wife or mother, we constantly live under the shadow of someone’s identity.

Have you been asked if you are happy? Not if you are married. It is assumed that if you are married, you are happy. And it is a whole different thing if you aren’t. No one cares about that.

But it becomes everyone’s business if you are single – especially after divorce. I have been asked this countless times, “How do you manage to take on so much all alone and be happy?” There is a question within that question. I know that.

What they really wanna know is if I am really happy? If I am, then the next question is what do you do to be happy? I won’t lie and say that I don’t miss the cozy evenings, a glass of wine or occasional emotional talks with the ‘someone special.’ We all need it, sometimes. And so do I.

But if you rank my happiness on some scale, I would say that my score is in normal range. One can be happy or rather ‘one can choose to be happy.’ Of course, whether married or not, there would be ups and downs in everyone’s life. And one single thing should not or cannot define us. Yes, I am single and happy.

I am sharing few things that I do and could be of help to you as well (Even if you are married and not feeling so good)

Love yourself

The first thing that I always tell myself is to look back and see how much I have grown over these years. Had I not been put through these years of pain I probably wouldn’t have patience and the perseverance that I do now.

Knowing that I have thrived even during the toughest of my times, I believe that ‘this too shall pass.’ I have understood how important it is to love myself and believe in myself because even if no one else does, I do. And I will.

Develop hobbies

Our happiness should not be sourced from the external things in our life. We all have insecurities and they stem from our own fears and lack of confidence. Do you question ‘What if?’ That’s when we have doubts if we are enough.

We seek validations from friends, family and other confidants in our closed group and feel happy when we get so. One of the biggest challenges that we women face is to develop a life outside our responsibilities. I found my love for writing and traveling while I facing my insecurities.

It helps ladies! Go! Find your passion to be happy!

Put your oxygen mask

Yes! I know and I hear you. The society doesn’t change overnight. People will still judge you and it may seem to you that by turning our heads away, we are behaving like an ostrich.

But remember, ultimately it is YOU who will help YOU! Nobody else will. So, before you wean away your happiness for the sake of others, put on your oxygen mask. Get a thick skin and feel the wind beneath your feet. Start flying!

Here’s my favourite quote by Toni Morrison for some more motivation, ‘You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down’

Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Queen

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I am an IAS officer from UP cadre, having a passion for improving women's

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