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If you're dating a separated and 'legally' married man, there is a possibility of major heartbreak. Here are three tips to protect you from that heartbreak.
If you’re dating a separated and ‘legally’ married man, there is a possibility of major heartbreak. Here are three tips to protect you from that heartbreak.
Let me begin with an anecdote. I recently met a girl who proclaimed her love with a married man. She told me how beautiful her relationship is, how he treats her like a queen and she has no issues with her first wife. In fact, this man is a stay-at-home-dad.
He takes care of their two beautiful kids and his wife was a doctor who was earning pretty well. The man had informed his wife of this relationship and while she wasn’t happy about it, she accepted it for the sake of their kids. He spends the days with the kids and nights with the girl.
A completely functional solution for all those involved. The girl seemed pretty happy and it didn’t matter to her whether he would marry her or not. All she wanted was to be in love and being cared for at the moment, and I assume that her needs were pretty well taken care of. But honestly, I may be wrong but I don’t see most of these relationships to have a happy ending.
I am nobody to judge their situation and of course, this was coming from one person so I am not sure how it really affected the other stakeholders. But I sensed a very pertinent question that is relevant to current scenario!
Online dating has allowed people to have fake profiles and it is quite common to see married men posing as separated or unhappy with their current relationship. Thus seeking a new one.
Let us just assume he says that he will divorce soon. Now this can be a very tricky situation and may not be easy, especially if he didn’t disclose his relationship from the beginning.
I am not saying that all men lie. Nor that there is no possibility that there is a person who is really unhappy or separated, from his previous relationship. But is there a way that can help you from facing a painful heart break later? How can you be sure that this relationship will be a triumphant one and you would not regret investing your time and emotions after a certain point of time?
First of all, you have to be honest with yourself! What do you actually look for in this relationship? If you are seeking commitment, I believe that there are few pointers that can guide you in making an assessment if he is the one or not. Unfortunately, they may not be accurate, and may vary with circumstances, but I believe that these can direct you in a positive direction at least.
It is essential that you are aware of exactly what is going on in his life. He may say he wouldn’t want to drag you into this and he would alone be okay handling the problem. However, I believe he has already dragged you into this by making a decision to have a relationship with you.
So, now you have all the right to know and check his documents about how he is legally managing the whole scenario. If need be, there is no harm in taking you along to the lawyer as this will build trust in your relationship. It reflects that he is ready to take this to next level.
It is not uncommon that when we are in love, our emotions color our vision. We are not thinking straight. All we do, is relish is our newly found connection. At such times, we may forget to explore and understand that he may be different than how you see him.
For this reality check, see how his family and friends are with him and vice versa. How do they treat you? Because his relationship will them will guide their relationship with you. And if he doesn’t invite you to any family gatherings or you are know everything about his friends but no friend of his knows you, it is certainly not right.
This is the most difficult, yet a brutal fact for which you have to be ready, in case you have decided to give this relationship a try.
If someone doesn’t see a future with you, it is not worth your time and emotions. And he should have a time frame for this. In my opinion, there is no point waiting all your life for someone who is not available for you. After all, love is all about amalgamation of two beautiful minds and souls.
It is not an easy path for sure but if you believe he is worth it, you may like to give it a try. At the same time, you need to always be in touch with the reality that this may not end the way you have imagined.
I don’t know if it is right or wrong, but I believe that pain is inevitable, yet misery is optional. Few checks at the right time will save you from being miserable. Our life is all about the choices we make and this choice is certainly yours!
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV Series Anupmaa and Twitter
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I am an IAS officer from UP cadre, having a passion for improving women's health. I am an OBGYN specialist and have MS Global health as my educational qualification. I do my best to read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).