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3 Tips To Protect You From The Heartbreak Of Dating A Separated Yet ‘Legally Married’ Man!

Posted: August 4, 2020

If you’re dating a separated and ‘legally’ married man, there is a possibility of major heartbreak. Here are three tips to protect you from that heartbreak.

Let me begin with an anecdote. I recently met a girl who proclaimed her love with a married man. She told me how beautiful her relationship is, how he treats her like a queen and she has no issues with her first wife. In fact, this man is a stay-at-home-dad.

He takes care of their two beautiful kids and his wife was a doctor who was earning pretty well. The man had informed his wife of this relationship and while she wasn’t happy about it, she accepted it for the sake of their kids. He spends the days with the kids and nights with the girl.

A functional solution but until when?

A completely functional solution for all those involved. The girl seemed pretty happy and it didn’t matter to her whether he would marry her or not. All she wanted was to be in love and being cared for at the moment, and I assume that her needs were pretty well taken care of. But honestly, I may be wrong but I don’t see most of these relationships to have a happy ending.

I am nobody to judge their situation and of course, this was coming from one person so I am not sure how it really affected the other stakeholders. But I sensed a very pertinent question that is relevant to current scenario!

Online dating has allowed people to have fake profiles and it is quite common to see married men posing as separated or unhappy with their current relationship. Thus seeking a new one.

Can you protect yourself from a heartbreak?

Let us just assume he says that he will divorce soon. Now this can be a very tricky situation and may not be easy, especially if he didn’t disclose his relationship from the beginning.

I am not saying that all men lie. Nor that there is no possibility that there is a person who is really unhappy or separated, from his previous relationship. But is there a way that can help you from facing a painful heart break later? How can you be sure that this relationship will be a triumphant one and you would not regret investing your time and emotions after a certain point of time?

First of all, you have to be honest with yourself! What do you actually look for in this relationship? If you are seeking commitment, I believe that there are few pointers that can guide you in making an assessment if he is the one or not. Unfortunately, they may not be accurate, and may vary with circumstances, but I believe that these can direct you in a positive direction at least.

Seek the whole truth, nothing but the truth

It is essential that you are aware of exactly what is going on in his life. He may say he wouldn’t want to drag you into this and he would alone be okay handling the problem. However, I believe he has already dragged you into this by making a decision to have a relationship with you.

So, now you have all the right to know and check his documents about how he is legally managing the whole scenario.  If need be, there is no harm in taking you along to the lawyer as this will build trust in your relationship. It reflects that he is ready to take this to next level.

Check him outside the “bubble” of your relationship

It is not uncommon that when we are in love, our emotions color our vision. We are not thinking straight. All we do, is relish is our newly found connection. At such times, we may forget to explore and understand that he may be different than how you see him.

For this reality check, see how his family and friends are with him and vice versa. How do they treat you? Because his relationship will them will guide their relationship with you. And if he doesn’t invite you to any family gatherings or you are know everything about his friends but no friend of his knows you, it is certainly not right.

Set your boundaries and be willing to leave if he falters

This is the most difficult, yet a brutal fact for which you have to be ready, in case you have decided to give this relationship a try.

If someone doesn’t see a future with you, it is not worth your time and emotions. And he should have a time frame for this. In my opinion, there is no point waiting all your life for someone who is not available for you. After all, love is all about amalgamation of two beautiful minds and souls.

It is not an easy path for sure but if you believe he is worth it, you may like to give it a try. At the same time, you need to always be in touch with the reality that this may not end the way you have imagined.

I don’t know if it is right or wrong, but I believe that pain is inevitable, yet misery is optional. Few checks at the right time will save you from being miserable. Our life is all about the choices we make and this choice is certainly yours!

Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV Series Anupmaa and Twitter

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I am an IAS officer from UP cadre, having a passion for improving women's

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