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If the only reasons for a divorce your daughter gives are that they are miserable with each other and don’t love each other, will you still support her?
On both Whatsapp and FB, I noticed a lot of posts with taglines saying ”A Divorced Daughter is Better than a Dead Daughter”. Apparently they were in response to this chilling news, in which a man in Kerala has been accused of killing his wife through a cobra bite!
Basically, these posts try to educate parents that if their daughter wants a divorce because of dowry harassment or domestic violence, don’t send her back if she comes home. Let her stay. Get her the divorce. Otherwise she may be killed or commit suicide because of the violence and/or harassment, so forget about the social stigma. Just be grateful that she’s alive.
Well and good. This has to be said. Because domestic violence and dowry harassment is a major cause of concern in many marriages.
But what if these reasons for a divorce are absent?
What if your son-in-law has never raised a hand at her, has never taken or asked for dowry, has never cheated on her, doesn’t drink, doesn’t gamble, is financially very responsible, has no psychological issues, and your daughter still wants a divorce, will you still stand by her?
Is lack of communication, lack of understanding, lack of resonance, lack of compatibility, lack of respect, lack of a emotional, spiritual, and sexual connection not good enough reasons for a divorce?
Families will say, oh marriages are all hard work, this is just a phase, nobody is really happy in a marriage anyway, most married women have it much worse, look at that lady whose husband is never at home, she’s still with him; look at that lady whose husband doesn’t support her financially, she still sticks with him; look at that lady whose husband drinks away all his money, she still sticks by him; look at that lady whose husband has affairs left right and center, everybody knows it, she also knows it, but she still sticks by him.
You have it so much better, your husband doesn’t do any of these things, then WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LOVE HIM? Why can’t you live with him? Why can’t you adjust and compromise like everybody else? Who are you, the Queen of Sheba, to want more?
Why is domestic violence and abuse the only justifiable excuses for a divorce, even in posts written by well-educated and woke people?
Why is not loving him or her not reason enough? Why is not being understood or heard or respected or seen not reason enough? Why is being miserable with a person not enough cause for divorce?
If a couple has lived together for a couple of years, has gone through the motions of counseling and therapy, and are still miserable living together, if the thought of living the rest of your life with them gives you nothing but claustrophobia and deep despair, then children or no children, why the hell isn’t that reason enough to get a divorce?
You want them to become that old couple that celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary while not even sleeping in the same room, not even holding hands, not even having had sex for years, not even talking to each other?
You want them to become that old couple that forwards whatsapp jokes to their school group about how much husbands and wives suffer in marriages?
You want them to be that old couple that lives together only because the spouse is now a habit they hate but can’t get away from?
You want them to stick together out of fear that the world outside will be strange, unfamiliar, and cruel to them if they leave?
You want them to stick together out of fear of who will look after them in their old age, or when they are sick?
You want them to stick together because of the fear of dying alone?
Please, when you write such posts, stop giving any justifications for getting a divorce. Stop giving reasons like domestic abuse and domestic violence.
If a responsible, mature, intelligent adult wants a divorce, don’t ask them why.
Just let them have it.
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Karishma has been writing short stories since she was 8 and poetry since she was
I am exactly going through the same dilemma and not able to gather courage the to get out of unhappy relation as I do not see this marriage going anywhere. We both hardly talk or laugh leave aside other things that a married couples do. It is so difficult to convience once parents that there is word called incompatibility and domestic violence can not always be the reason for separation. As one can not stay in a unhappy state for whole life. I so want to be out of it but just not getting the courage to do so. Loved your article.
Hi Harpreet, sorry to know you are going through this. I totally get what you are going through. Thanks for commenting and glad my article resonated. I do hope you will be able to take whatever steps you need to live life happily. Rooting for you!
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