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I have a fickle mind. Like a lot of others. I think, I erase. I write, I re-write. Sometimes, I stash whatever I scribble. Then there are times I am confused about what I like to do the most. People say she is mercurial. A lot of times, I blame myself for the restlessness. But most of the times, I criticize others. Are they really the ones to be attacked about?
No. Because, it is I who have to own the responsibility of any act. Or maybe yes, for expecting so much out of a poor soul.
What remained was, I. Confused, sometimes coherent and many a time momentous. But nothing stops me from admiring myself. I love myself and that encourages me to do something which satiates my hunger of triumph.
When I was in class tenth, all I wanted to be like my father and curb the incurred child-labour of society. I am the first educated girl in my family followed by my sister. It played a vital role in shaping my career. The society dominated and I became an engineer. I adopted it. I was born for it. Technology and I were like kith and kin. I aimed high. I did not succeed. Maybe because I was a rebel. I denied accepting what they chose for me. It became depressing. The healer was the marriage. But did it work? No.
My aims kept changing with a flick. Time changed, leaving its effect on me. I became humble. I matured and realized that it happened because everything was served on a platter. Though I ate and licked my fingers in admiration of the taste, I was never content. And when I discovered the missing piece, the pieces of the puzzle started falling in place.
I accepted humbly that I am a technology freak. I was back on the front-line with my studies and this time with a bang. I had discovered my passion. Space technology, satellites and design. I had aimed for the stars and it was shining brightly in affirmation.
Yet, something was missing. My reckless mind never stops wandering. I landed in writing. I understood why I loved reading, something I acquired from my bloodline. It reverberated. I identified myself, I understood, why pen dangled between my fingers. I discovered my passion.
My friends say you have two corners in your life? I started handling questions and notions as well. I am multidimensional. I am a caring mother, a tech freak and an ardent writer. They always ask, “How do you manage?”
All I do is smile, mysteriously cunning. I know the answer within myself, passion.
Yes, there are times I do nothing. Nothing hits my mind, neither codes nor ideas. I let my family dominate those days. Because I have understood, no graph is linear. After saturation in one parameter, it will converge towards others. I will reach out at others. I will write, I will grow and I will succeed. The fire will not dwindle, it may flicker.
After all, I have always discovered my path.
Image via Pixabay
A researcher, an advocate of equal rights, homemaker, a mother, blogger and an avid reader.
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