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It’s Time We Stopped Judging Women For Living Their Lives The Way They Want!

Posted: January 16, 2021

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From the moment they are born to the moment they die, women constantly face judgements, no matter what. It’s time we stopped the judgements!

Humans tend to have a peculiar nature of judgements inbuilt in their genes. Their judgemental behaviour leads to them having a negative viewpoint of anything and it comes to women as well, in all stages of their lives.

It is a phase for all women. Some have to face a few things I have mentioned while others have to face it all. The basic thing is that we need to stop judging women!

‘Oh. It’s a girl!’ Judgements from infancy to teenage

In infancy

When a girl child is born, the bitter truth in our society is that ‘ladki hui hai,’ is said in a not-so-happy voice. However, God thought to make you a fortunate family and blessed you with a girl child. Not everyone is so lucky. So, let’s change our judgement about gender?

In her childhood

‘She is a girl child. Now you need to plan a son!’ But what if we have a girl child again? Wake up, dear society! No need to offend a girl child because behind the scenes, she has given her mother a sense of fulfilment. So let’s stop judging the value of a girl child in her family.

In her teenage

‘What about her character?’ If she befriends multiple boys, it has nothing to do with her character! She might just be more comfortable with boys. After all, gender equality is something we believe in these days, so what’s the fuss? Behind the scenes, she is trying and learning to identify the right people for her, which is only possible when she knows the opposite gender well. Her intention is pure, stop judging that!

‘Why don’t you do this/that?’ The judgements as an adult!

In her adulthood.

‘Why don’t you start dieting or exercising?’ ‘You should apply some skin lightening cream.’ She might be on a strict diet or working out rigorously, but her hormones have other plans. Or maybe she has some metabolism issues that slow it down. She is already struggling with her place in the world but she is happy in her skin and feels beautiful. Stop judging her body and her skin!

‘When will your daughter marry?’ Don’t worry aunties! She is neither being difficult nor does she like going through random interviews in the so-called first family meeting. Behind the scenes, she is waiting for the right man. Stop judging her on her life!

‘She doesn’t even know how to make a cup of tea?’ Why don’t we use the same statement for a man who can’t even get a glass of water? The girl’s life was no different, she was also making a career for herself. Behind the scenes, she has been struggling to get her degree. So learning to make tea wasn’t really a priority. Judge her by her success, not by her cooking skills.

‘She got a promotion due to gender diversity.’ Come on! Don’t you see her working hard in parallel to you? Behind the scenes, she doesn’t need to use her gender to prove her capabilities. So stop judging her and work harder!

The judgements faced by married/divorced women & mothers

‘She is a divorcee.’ So what’s the big deal there, folks? Would you like to stay with a person who puts scars on your body and soul? It isn’t that she couldn’t handle her relationship. Behind the scenes, if you see, you will find out the catalogue of people she had great bonds with. Stop being judgemental.

‘Is she the perfect mom?’ Do you have the definition of the perfect mom? I don’t think anyone does! Motherhood is all about the experience. Every day, the mother is learning and trying her best. Stop judging mothers!

‘She is wearing shorts at 40!’ Isn’t that crazy?’ Well, who stopped you from doing the same? Flaunting your body at any age is an individual preference. Behind the scenes, she has transformed her wardrobe of sarees to jeans and shorts as now, she is finally free of her in-laws’ restrictions. She respected them and their wishes and now she is listening to herself. Stop judging her and learn from her how to manage all the relations well. 

‘She is old now. And a burden.’ When people say this, I often wonder if their mothers thought this if they were an ‘unplanned’ baby. For all you know, she has given up her life, her career and her body to bring you into this world. The least you can do is stop judging her and start caring for her!

A version of this was earlier published here and here

Picture credits: Still from Dice Media’s series Adulting

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Sagarika Sahoo has done MBA and M.Com and pursued her career as a lecturer.

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