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From the moment they are born to the moment they die, women constantly face judgements, no matter what. It's time we stopped the judgements!
From the moment they are born to the moment they die, women constantly face judgements, no matter what. It’s time we stopped the judgements!
Humans tend to have a peculiar nature of judgements inbuilt in their genes. Their judgemental behaviour leads to them having a negative viewpoint of anything and it comes to women as well, in all stages of their lives.
It is a phase for all women. Some have to face a few things I have mentioned while others have to face it all. The basic thing is that we need to stop judging women!
In infancy
When a girl child is born, the bitter truth in our society is that ‘ladki hui hai,’ is said in a not-so-happy voice. However, God thought to make you a fortunate family and blessed you with a girl child. Not everyone is so lucky. So, let’s change our judgement about gender?
In her childhood
‘She is a girl child. Now you need to plan a son!’ But what if we have a girl child again? Wake up, dear society! No need to offend a girl child because behind the scenes, she has given her mother a sense of fulfilment. So let’s stop judging the value of a girl child in her family.
In her teenage
‘What about her character?’ If she befriends multiple boys, it has nothing to do with her character! She might just be more comfortable with boys. After all, gender equality is something we believe in these days, so what’s the fuss? Behind the scenes, she is trying and learning to identify the right people for her, which is only possible when she knows the opposite gender well. Her intention is pure, stop judging that!
In her adulthood.
‘Why don’t you start dieting or exercising?’ ‘You should apply some skin lightening cream.’ She might be on a strict diet or working out rigorously, but her hormones have other plans. Or maybe she has some metabolism issues that slow it down. She is already struggling with her place in the world but she is happy in her skin and feels beautiful. Stop judging her body and her skin!
‘When will your daughter marry?’ Don’t worry aunties! She is neither being difficult nor does she like going through random interviews in the so-called first family meeting. Behind the scenes, she is waiting for the right man. Stop judging her on her life!
‘She doesn’t even know how to make a cup of tea?’ Why don’t we use the same statement for a man who can’t even get a glass of water? The girl’s life was no different, she was also making a career for herself. Behind the scenes, she has been struggling to get her degree. So learning to make tea wasn’t really a priority. Judge her by her success, not by her cooking skills.
‘She got a promotion due to gender diversity.’ Come on! Don’t you see her working hard in parallel to you? Behind the scenes, she doesn’t need to use her gender to prove her capabilities. So stop judging her and work harder!
‘She is a divorcee.’ So what’s the big deal there, folks? Would you like to stay with a person who puts scars on your body and soul? It isn’t that she couldn’t handle her relationship. Behind the scenes, if you see, you will find out the catalogue of people she had great bonds with. Stop being judgemental.
‘Is she the perfect mom?’ Do you have the definition of the perfect mom? I don’t think anyone does! Motherhood is all about the experience. Every day, the mother is learning and trying her best. Stop judging mothers!
‘She is wearing shorts at 40!’ Isn’t that crazy?’ Well, who stopped you from doing the same? Flaunting your body at any age is an individual preference. Behind the scenes, she has transformed her wardrobe of sarees to jeans and shorts as now, she is finally free of her in-laws’ restrictions. She respected them and their wishes and now she is listening to herself. Stop judging her and learn from her how to manage all the relations well.
‘She is old now. And a burden.’ When people say this, I often wonder if their mothers thought this if they were an ‘unplanned’ baby. For all you know, she has given up her life, her career and her body to bring you into this world. The least you can do is stop judging her and start caring for her!
A version of this was earlier published here and here
Picture credits: Still from Dice Media’s series Adulting
Sagarika Sahoo has done MBA and M.Com and pursued her career as a lecturer. She had short term experience in IT companies as a finance professional as well. She is now a full-time read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
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14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
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