Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
My paternal grandmother was an empowered, no-nonsense woman in every sense, but still still bowed to the patriarchal upper hand of my grandfather by quietly making perfect, hot, round rotis for him.
Numma, my paternal grandmother always preferred preparing food at home, sometimes quite elaborate recipes that she used to pick up from the books and magazines she read. She was an expert cook, having acquired the skills for it quite early in life.
She was married off to Dada, my grandfather, before she was 20. From then on began her fight to have a foothold in the new household she was in. Though she was quite a favourite amongst her in laws, there was a slight strain between her and my grandfather, which sometimes became evident. Not that he belittled her or loved her any less, but did not hesitate to exhibit his apparent superiority by virtue of his gender. Thank God that none of which was inherited neither by my Baba!
The early signs of patriarchal force were evident when Numma served ‘roti’ to Dada or Tata, my paternal grandfather and my uncle respectively; they both emphasized that each roti should be served hot while they ate, and every roti had to be perfectly round in shape.
One day while Numma was at it, I volunteered to help, when she quickly retorted, “Make sure each roti is round and rolled out perfectly well, else they will not touch their food.” This was quite ridiculous to me then, while now I think of it as a completely misogynistic act!
As days passed by nothing seemed to change in the house wherein I grew up, however there was a silent acceptance amongst all. Each and every meal had be served well, all household chores had to be learnt with deft accuracy, lest you fall prey to accusations targeting your upbringing!
Culinary expertise has always been deemed as the most essential skill for a woman; often she is judged for her inability or disinterest in it. A perfect, round, and hot roti is an important yardstick in the Indian setup, to measure a woman’s capability, irrespective of the fact about how qualified she is or what a fantastic human being she is.
Numma always encouraged female education, emphasizing how essential a woman’s career could be. She further went to explain how I should aim for my own identity and never be overshadowed by a certain, “Mr X” or even the “Mr Right”.
Modern in her thoughts and approach, she never failed to raise her voice against unnecessary domination of the fairer sex, not to forget the amount of wrath she earned from the not so women-pro majority.
Her tales never circled around a damsel in distress, waiting for her knight in shining armor to salvage her from the evil forces; rather they focussed on how a woman could stand up for her rights. The story of Sita was not about her failure to prove her purity to her husband, but about how undeterred she was in her own pursuits.
But when it came to salvage her own marriage and her home, Numma rolled out round and hot rotis quietly.
This contradiction between her thoughts and actions is still a question to reckon with, and something I cannot reconcile to, even now when it is 9 years that she is gone!
Today when I take up cooking as a passion and not as the prime responsibility that the members of my tribe must excel in, I silently thank Numma for instilling in me the early signs of high self esteem and self worth, which a mere perfect “roti” cannot decide.
Image source: shutterstock
A dire penchant for words, can summarize my life as “My pen bleeds my life”! read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
Please enter your email address