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Initially, when I separated from my partner, I feigned I was in a happy marriage only to ward off all unwanted people poking their noses in my life.
I just went through a phase, and it made me realize that a woman’s marital status can have more ramifications than what we normally think. And that each ‘status’ comes with a tag based on which society judges the ‘nature’ of such women. And believe me, it takes a lot of courage and strength for single women to live in this world!
A married woman is considered reliable and safe to be with. She can be a best friend and even be introduced to her husband and brought home!
If she is separated, she is considered an evil or sex deprived woman. Letting your husband near her is dangerous. And be even more aware if she is a divorcee! You don’t need to think, you know she’s here to woo your husband. Such woman have to be kept out of your house!
A married woman may or may not be as attractive to everyone, depending on the stature of her husband. However, if she is separated, she is an easy target. Why don’t you try your luck? Oh and if she’s a divorcee, don’t even think about it, she is definitely available!
Yes, I am separated and for the first two years, I was very uneasy and wasn’t even sure if I wanted anyone to know my status or not. Some people did find out about it from other sources and then, they would want to know from the horse’s mouth. They tried a lot of gimmicks to make it public and honestly, it was plain irritating and painful.
There were some men who wanted to be ‘friends’ with me, however, this wasn’t for friendship but for ‘something more than friendship.’ The first thing they would ask was my phone number.
Even though I’d disconnected myself from all sorts of social media, they some times, found my number out from a local SMS or phone call whenever they felt their adrenaline soar. It is alarming that a number of men admit they are vulnerable to sex and a woman’s ‘status‘ which encourages them to get involved in such activities.
Initially, when I separated from my partner, I feigned I was in a happy marriage only to ward off such unwanted men poking their noses in my life and privacy.
But after two years of being in an estranged relationship, I became a little confident about myself. I started admitting that yes, I am separated. Why wouldn’t I admit, I was happy too! At the same time, I still hide behind the curtains as far as communications with the outer world were concerned. I feared being judged.
And now, I feel I am in the third stage – the stage where I fear no one. I am at the stage where I bluntly say, ‘Sorry. I know where you are heading but I have much more to do with life and live a life on my own. And I am not interested in you.’
However, I am not a saint and I admit, that I too, some times, crave the support and love. But I also feel it is okay and human to wish for these things. Today, my priorities have changed and men no longer exist there.
So to all the women who berate women like me, who have a lot on their plates, understand that, ‘Surviving is more important to us that wooing your husbands. Keep them in your pockets and satisfy their lust in whatever way you want so they don’t stray. But if they do stray, kick them out for they don’t deserve you. Whatever you do, change your outlook of blaming every single woman who comes their way, for the woman is not to blame. It is the man!’
To the men out there, ‘Separated or divorced doesn’t mean the woman is available. Stop stooping so low that we only see you as a walking piece of p****. You are the reason why women often hate all of menfolk and look at them with contempt and disgust.’
I’ve seen a lot of good men, who still consider me human and respect me for who I am. And I salute all of them who have stood behind me as a pillar of strength, as true friends, mentors and guides, without an agenda on their minds. At the same time, society will not spare them either. Society will judge and judge them mercilessly!
Anyway, I decided, men or no men, I will live my life! You can judge me or not, nothing will deter me from living my life, my way!
Picture credits: Still from Hindi movie Helicopter Eela
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