Making friends- Social media experiences

Many a times, in women gatherings, we discuss our experiences about “online friends’ in the social media. And it was intriguing that many of us could notice similar patterns  of approach. Being a woman, obviously, I can only say what is endearing, annoying and irritating from a woman’s perspective. But I certainly hope that there would also be a man’s side of the story, which I am keen to learn. No doubt, there are many men, who are genuinely nice and cares for us, but nevertheless, I thought of penning few steriotypes that are usually found in social media, that leaves you sometimes annoying instead of being friendly.

Forgive me, but we could not but agree more, that there are few men who after getting their friend requests accepted they tend to take it in a literal sense and start acting like they have just been rejoined with their long lost friend (psychological move, I guess?!)  And when you disapprove, you become their worst enemy.  

Once I received a call at 10.30 AM when I was  in a haste to go for wore at the other end asked, “enthundeda vishesham??” (What news in Malayalam, in the most cosy manner) (“Eda” has different meanings depending on context, and it is colloquially used by youngsters to address their very close friends and peers). I  was dumbstruck. Who could be that close friend that I forgot so easily?! Many faces from my school and college days flashed through my mind and I felt guilty for not recognizing him. When I said, I could not recollect the voice, and he turned out to be a young lawyer whose request I had accepted just two days back. He literally said that he was just “catching up” with his friend. Not to mention, the number of “edas” in the conversation and inquisitions about minute details of my family, went beyond tolerable levels. When he was treated with cold responses,  he retreated after showering the worst abuses at moi, labelling me the tag of the rudest person on Earth. (Well I dont mind being the rude one, but dont ask me about the abuses!  Any way I had to block him off after saying the magic word, Get lost!
POV: Cool it guys, accepting friend request does not mean, you have been made her bestie and you can talk like one to her!!
Then the non stop chatters! The minute green light is lit, they jump in. No harm, those who are interested can engage in time pass. But it depends on  the nature of persons as well. Basically I am not a chat person and I do not use messengers. Myself, being the most anti social element I have ever seen in my life, the lengthiest chat I can do  is to wish some one Good night.  For me, there are many other good things to do in social medias, like watching comedy reels to cool your head off, or play some random games rather than engage in boring chats with random persons.  It took me sometime to realise that when you log in the chat light turns green and then you alert your “friends” that the traffic to your route is open.  Honestly, its just green, because  I have still not figured out how to turn it off (Once a tech savvy I was, now I am lazy even to study the settings.) If she talks, well and good, go ahead,  but if she clearly gives you a signal that she is not interested, then I do not know why they take it up as everyday ritual of pokes and Hi’s to grab attention. Its plain irritating. 
POV: Green light does not always mean she is ready to mingle.  
The funniest thing that we women experience are the “caring” alphas, asking if you had tea, coffee, breakfast on time and what not, regularly with accurate precision of time.  I just wish to say every time, ‘No man, I will send you my GPay, I am starving’ and then order a loadful at his expense. Jokes  apart, I have always, wondered if every one had this much of time in their personal lives to ask their respective spouses or girl friends such questions, we could have avoided many break ups and family issues.
POV: Brutal it may sound, but the height of joblessness among men, can be found in the inboxes of random women.!!  
I just want to convey that we do not become friends on the click of a button and every one should respect each others boundaries. There can be no forced friendships. A mere reply or a healthy conversation, is not a signal to barge into someone’s personal life or think that its a sign to start a real friendship or relationship.  I beleive not all men and women on social media are here for loose talks. There are ways to be friends and my take is that it should be a connection of two minds and hearts that hold feelings for each other. Respect a ‘No’ as much as you respect ‘Yes’  Please dont think that I am against social medias and making “friends”.  Its just that there is something  that we should all understand and respect that friendships cannot be forcibly created, but it should happen on its own.
POV: Friendships happen, it cannot be created.
Then the passive mute spectators, no doubt, they are there for both men and women alike, who are there just to watch you. They have a microphone and recorder handy to capture the moments when you fall and spread the word.
POV- Not all friends are there to rejoice at your happiness or applaud you. Some are just there to see your vulnerable side and rejoice at your fall.
There are many whom we love, those who really do care for us and that goes to those who do not connect with us on social medias as well. Those who want to see you happy, those who can see and hear us through our silence. Those with whom, we may not even engage in  chats or talks for months, but still catch up like we have just parted the previous day.  And I am lucky to have those kind of  people also around.
The lesson I learnt the hard way over the years, is not to sit around a table, with whom I am not comfortable with or where I am not accepted as who I am. So with age and maturity, I have just learnt to accept right people and avoid unwanted people and it applies to social media as well.
These are my three Golden rules
Learn to say NO, when your mind says NO
Learn to say WHO CARES? when you really dont care
Learn to say GET LOST when you dont need drama in your life!


About the Author


Lawyer by profession, specialising in Service Laws in Kerala, India. Hobbies include blogging, poetry writing, write-ups on day to day issues, parenting, relationships, and other socially relevant matters. read more...

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