16 Things I Want In A Women’s Magazine As An Ordinary Indian Woman; Not That Useless Fancy Stuff

“I want to read about ordinary womanhood,” says the author, “I am sick of seeing these hot models with their zero figure, crop-top and no-food-only-gym routine.”

Start with putting a fat, chubby person on the cover of the magazine with having a smile as the makeup.

Talk about the real world, not Kim Kardashian’s life. A normal life like getting drunk on Friday night, having a puff or two and getting blacked out.

A walk in front of your ex’s house. Squat over those filthy toilets in public restrooms. Or burpees in front of everyone.

In the career section: I want to hear from a bookseller or a vegetable vendor or a train driver. I know the pan-suit people have worked hard and are at the top of their respective industries. But I want to hear the stories of what the common people are doing.

I am sick of seeing these hot models with their zero figure, crop-top and no-food-only-gym routine. I am 10 to 7 working woman, and I don’t have that kind of time. Talk about that big fat belly we have. Talk about the real body type which most people have, not the hourglass or pear-shaped ones. And tell me it’s ok to have love handles around, or having stretch marks. Please make me love my body rather than being sad about it. I have so much to be sad and worry about in my life already.

And no more fancy hairstyles. Please I don’t have those many pins or hands to make that big bun over my head or that stylish braid. Just tell me how to look neat and not have any hanging strand near my face at work. That’s it; that is my type of hairstyle.

And once in a while, I want an article saying 1000 times DO NOT TEXT HIM!
Believe me, we need this. Stop us from running behind these stupid men, even stop us from thinking about them. Because they are not that important that I should spend my whole day crying for them.

And what’s it with you people saying that Manish Malhotra’s lehenga or Sabyasachi saree is the only outfit that will make my wedding complete? See, I want to marry my man in pajamas, and he will also wear the same. Tell me that I can buy clothes from Amazon and Flipkart or from Sarojini market, and tell people it’s ZARA. Motivate the comfort level, stop putting a hole in my pocket.

And please tell me to eat chocolates once in a while; I am done eating oats. I want an article saying “Go for the pizza baby, take all the calories from that cheese burst crust!” That as an adult I still deserve these small luxuries once in a while, so take a donut next time you go to the mall.

And stop advising bestseller books with big genres like thriller, fantasy, crime, etc. Once in a while tell me to read Chacha Chaudhary and Sabu or Akbar-Birbal for a change.

I want to read about ordinary womanhood, about what problems all women face while on their periods, or what is it like when there is a miscarriage? Or an article about how to say no to people wanting you to do something for them when you have a date with yourself, is a must. Or a real-life story of a domestic maid who is washing dishes throughout her life and who made her daughter a doctor.

And I don’t want that article captioned “How to attract people towards yourself” – like seriously? Why would I want that unnecessary attention? Do you really think I don’t get that look already, when every day a stupid man passes by thinking I am his property to stare at?

And man what is the deal with you giving cooking recipes with heavenly ingredients (dude, desi Indian masala recipe I want). For once write about a popcorn meal or whole day pizza meal or the best ever Cheetos puffs and Netflix.

And please stop giving articles talking about the Kama Sutra or stupid sex positions/ moves, because I am done with them. There are only four positions firstly when we are lazy – missionary (with some fake moaning sounds), secondly, when your man is too horny and you sit on top once in a while, then there is doggy style where you want to be just be done with it and don’t wanna lower the morale of your boy by fake orgasm faces, and the last where you try to be fun, trying variations of these.

At the end of the magazine, that very big letter from the editor is so boring, stating they attended this party, met that celebrity, and they want to thank these people …blah blah!

Like, come on man, share something funny for god’s sake. Your story may be where you laughed your heart out while working for this magazine of yours.

Also, just write your heart out, don’t think what people will think. JUST WRITE!

Image source: shutterstock

Kajol

I just give voice to my thoughts and write my heart out. I am a

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