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The movie Marriage Story is taking the internet by storm with its beautiful portrayal of a broken marriage. This author watched it and here are her takeaways.
The movie Marriage Story is taking the internet by storm with its beautiful portrayal of a broken marriage. This author watched it and these are her takeaways.
“Marriage Story” is a 2019 American movie written, directed and produced by Noah Baumbach. Starring Scarlett Johansson, Adam Driver, Laura Dern, Alan Alda, Ray Liotta, and Azhy Robertson, it is currently streaming on Netflix. It has been getting rave reviews for its sensitive and candid portrayal of the married couple.
The couple- a stage director from New York and his actor wife from LA- struggle through a gruelling coast-to-coast divorce. It pushes them to their personal and creative extremes. The movie also has an eight-year-old whose custody both want.
What begins as a ‘civil-and-a-friendly-separation-with-no-lawyers-involved’ soon turns into an ugly brawl. It has shark-like attorneys hungrily plunging into the troubled waters of an already decayed marriage. They turn it further murkier and muddier by projecting the minor irritants of the couple into major animosity factors.
It is all downhill from there. And very costly at that. In all manners. Because ultimately there are no winners, it is only love that gets punctured.
This piece isn’t an attempt to review the movie. There are enough raving and rapturous pieces breaking the net already. With multiple awards to its name ‘Marriage Story’, (the latest being the Golden Globe Nominations) will soon have a cult fan following.
But I ain’t one of them. The movie didn’t get me bawling. Nope, not even teary-eyed. (I wonder why though? Maybe as Darling-Dotty sometimes blurts in vexation, I have turned hard-hearted)
But there are takeaways galore that have reinforced my own life mantras.
Never give yourself so much to a relationship that you eventually you stop mattering in the grand scheme of things. This needs to be an important rule in the marriage/relationship playbook. If your personality, as you knew it, is history because you are taken for granted, then it is a slow descent into marital hell.
In the movie, Nicole (Scarlett Johansson), in a heart-tugging monologue, confides to her lawyer that she ‘made herself small.’ She says she did so to fit into her husband’s notions of how their marital life should pan out. Eventually, Nicole is lost, even to her own self.
Never let anyone emasculate or gaslight you. This even includes the person whom you have taken the holy vows of walking together in life. Holding onto your identity or to a passion that drives you should become a guilt-free part of your DNA.
In ‘Marriage Story’ Charlie (Adam Driver) strays with his drama company’s actress during his and Nicole’s dry patch. But interestingly that isn’t the actual bone of contention here.
Nicole feels suffocated because of Charlie’s selfishness and his taking her for given. She is simply expected to play out his vision of their life.
Stop killing yourself to fit that perfect mom template. Make your own mom rules because not one size fits all. The path of trying to be that perfect mommy is fraught with immense pain. It is the effort that matters.
Nicole is a Mommie who ‘actually plays’ with her son Henry. She acknowledges she has faltered at times and that Charlie is the one who enjoys being a father.
After hate spews out, it is the bruised affection that remains. It is possible to love yourself equally (if not more) as you do your partner.
Communication is the key. Talk to each other and not at each other.
Script your own splendid story either by canceling out the negative influences or shaking off the dead weights. Whatever (or whoever) that might be, because life is beautiful.
There is a scene where Charlie’s eyes pop out with an undisguised surprise when he realises that Nicole flourished far more after their separation. That his wife, free from his all-encompassing, overpowering persona, flowers beautifully is his lesson from the collapse of the life he had imagined.
‘Marriage Story’ is a gentle reminder to women to not let go of ourselves totally and completely in a marriage.
Often while love hurts marriage meanders.
Picture credits: Still from the movie
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Anupama Jain is the author of:
* ’Kings Saviours & Scoundrels -Timeless Tales from Katha Sarita Sagara’, listed as one of the best books of 2022 by @Wordsopedia. Rooted in the traditional storytelling of Indian legends, warriors, read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Chetan Bhagat had no business slut shaming Uorfi Javed or any other woman. If he wants to 'guide' young men in the 'right direction' then he should take accountability for his words.
Chetan Bhagat, one of India’s bestselling authors, thought it was an ingenious idea to slut-shame Uorfi Javed, an Indian actress and influencer, at the Sahitya Aaj Tak literature festival.
“Phone has been a great distraction for the youth, especially the boys, spending hours just watching Instagram Reels. Everyone knows who Uorfi Javed is. What will you do with her photos? Is it coming in your exams or you will go for a job interview and tell the interviewer that you know all her outfits? On one side, there is a youth who is protecting our nation at Kargil and on another side, we have another youth who is seeing Uorfi Javed’s photos hiding in their blankets.”
Uorfi Javed responded with a video on her Instagram stories calling out Bhagat’s bluff. She shared the screenshots of his previous chat conversations with Ira Trivedi, author and yoga instructor, which came to light during the #MeToo movement.
While boys are taught to naturally own the space they enter, girls are taught to give up, to accommodate, to adjust since "it is their primary responsibility to keep families and relations together."
Yesterday, I was watching these 4 young girls around 16 – 17 years old play badminton. They were having fun, goofing around with all 4 of them equally involved in the game.
In some time two of their male friends joined them, and as part of round robin, the 2 boys replaced two of the girls. All good.
As the play continued, I started noticing a change in the way the game was being played. The shuttle was played most of the times between the two boys and there was a sense of competition and aggression brought in. The other 2 girls playing soon starting losing interest in the game as they hardly got any game time. Even if the shuttle came towards them, the boy in their team would move and play that shot. They soon moved to the sidelines as the boys continued to play.
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