6 Cheap-Ass Ways To Have A Wedding Like The Ambanis

Posted: December 14, 2018

The Ambani wedding is all that everyone is talking about these days. Now you want one like that. How can you manage to do so despite your poorer means? 

People have been asking me to tell them how to have a wedding like the Ambanis, but you are so broke, and your parents are broke after investing in that LIC policy and putting you through an education! Fine!!! No one asked me to write, I am writing this out of my own volition and any resemblance to living or dead ideas is a coincidence. Also if your name is Ambani and you plan to sue me for copying your ideas, please don’t; it will be a futile exercise for both of us.

The Ambanis have laid down the path on how to have a wedding and the nation feels the pressure to follow suit. Weddings are Indian obsessions. After all, we’ve been telling our girls to look forward to their wedding day and then drop dead post that, and boys have been groomed to work hard so that they can save money for their daughter’s wedding, so that the cycle continues.

One

Call your relatives and friends on different days according to how many presents they promise you, so that your relatives are clamouring to be invited on the ‘important’ days. How you will manage a multi-day wedding is up to you!

You have to figure out some things yourself too, as listicles like these will not answer all your life’s queries. You can’t sort them according to money; your list will become too short otherwise.

Two

Invite some international wedding guests. You could stalk them on couch surfing dot com or something, and make sure they come to the wedding.

Three

You gotta have Beyonce for D day! Bribe your 5 year old niece and her friends to dance on Single Ladies, while you project the song on a screen behind her. Such awesomeness!

Four

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The bride and the groom wear a placard declaring their income and tax returns to know how much they are worth. The relatives should go back exclaiming, “Did you know she has more tax returns than the groom! Wow! Such a rich girl marrying poor boy story!”

Five

Get designer napkins for the wedding with all the budget you have, so that the guests exclaim that you have designer napkins! The dress you can rent, borrow, or say you are wearing a family heirloom – that’s cool too!

Six

Set up a handicraft store at the wedding to say that you are giving back to society, to assuage some of the guilt by having an extravagant wedding! Sell some of the extra useless gifts you got at the store, because you might as well make some money while at it.

Seven

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Ask your mom to go all Kiron Kher from Devdas and do a maha arti with a biiiiiiig statue of the God of your liking. If you don’t have money to make a big statue go to the Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel statue and have a wedding there; the statue is banking on tourist money to break even in 50 years.

I know the title says 6 but this is 7 points; I lied OK! Life doesn’t always give you what you want, deal with it! For example, you were born to your poor-ass parents instead of in the Ambani household! Your only respite is to write snarky articles like this one, or be like Dhirubhai Ambani and be awesomeness personified as a businessman/woman!

The one thing my parents gave me is the aforementioned education, and I have been putting it to good use as you can see!

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