A story of love, loss and second chances by Nikita Singh, releasing this Valentine’s Day.
Are you taking care of the calcium needs of your child ?
This mom writes a beautiful letter to her 2.5 year old twin girls starting school, filled with empowering insights that will be a guiding star to the little ones as they grow up into fine, confident women.
My little darlings,
The last 2.5 years have passed like a whirlwind. The feeling of holding you for the first time is still fresh in my mind when you were born so tiny and I had to buy preemie clothes to doll dress you. I blinked and you started walking, I blinked and you started talking, I blinked and you grew up and now it’s time for me to share you with the rest of the world.
Today was the first day of your school and you both were in great spirits. As you are big girls now (as you think so) and embark on this new journey of life, your Mamma wants to tell you something, something that will help you not just today but forever in your life, no matter whether Mamma is with you or not.
You know, your Papa and I were planning to send you to school for the last few months and today when the day arrived, I felt as if I am yet not prepared. The last two days passed in severe anxiety thinking about how things are going to be. While I immensely enjoyed shopping for you, the tiny shoes, cute summer dresses, clips and bows for your curly hair, back of the mind, I was very nervous, and every now and then my vision got blurred due to the tears in my eyes. I have never felt so restless like this, but then your Papa was there to uplift my mood every time I felt low. He was very normal all these days and I was secretly angry on him that how can he be so cool as cucumber when he loves you both more than anything in this world. But he is he and I truly wish you both inherit this ‘not emotional’ trait from him, as I don’t want to pass on my over emotional attribute to you.
So while I was cooking lunch and doing other preparations for your big day today morning, Papa quietly came and said to me, “Now, even I feel uneasy. They are so little, how will they manage?”. And I just smiled without uttering anything. Father’s love is such. There is an invisible umbilical cord that connects you both to him. So, my little loves, my first lesson to you based on this instance is:
As I just told you about Papa, despite loving you the most, he was as hard as a coconut from outside. But his heart was full of the love which was hidden.
So, my babies, always remember, what you see upfront may not be always true, there is always another side of a coin. People have different ways of expressing their feelings, so never judge anyone come what may. There will be situations in life when you will come across people who may not share pleasantries with you but never mind. You don’t know what battle they are fighting or how was their mood when they encountered you. So, learn not to judge and be kind, given any situation.
Girls, treat this as a mantra in your life and you will never be disappointed or sad. I know it’s not easy but not impossible. The earlier you start practising it, the sooner you will learn it.
You will fall many times while playing but you have to get up and brush yourself on your own, rather than expecting your Mamma, Papa, Teacher, friend etc. to come and help you. Gradually in life, there will be many such instances when you would feel bogged down with the situation, but you need to help yourself instead of waiting for anybody to come and uplift your mood.
However, you will always have your safe refuge at home in Papa’s and my hearts. We will always be there as a rock for you to help you face any hurdles of life but you should not hurt yourself if you find yourself alone in any battle. Remember give selflessly, love abundantly and help as per your capability but never expect anything in return because then its not help its reciprocation. Work on improving yourself, compete with your better self daily rather than expecting the other person to behave the way you want. So, no expectation and no resentment.
Unless you fail, you won’t learn and improve. Failures are equally important in life as success is.
Never stop trying. Give your best shot in anything and everything you do and success will follow one or the other day. So, don’t worry about it and focus on your work. Raise a toast to your success but celebrate your failures too as they have a vital role in taking you to the zenith. They teach you the lessons, the mistakes which you should not repeat in the next attempts. Learn from your failures and do better next time.
You must have heard Papa and me talking, “Let’s take a shortcut route to the park or school or any other place”, but remember there are shortcuts to routes only, but not to life.
You need to cross the entire road to reach to your destination. Hard work, smart work, determination, focus, positive attitude, honesty are the tools which will help you in the journey, but you have to climb the mountain on your own.
Your Mamma learnt this lesson very late in life after moving abroad, and now she’s not ashamed in getting her hands dirty in any of the chores.
Sweeping the floor or throwing the garbage or mowing the lawns – nothing is small. Feel pride and happiness in doing your tasks. Even at the workplace or at your school or any restaurant, be it a peon or watchman or guard or the waiter taking the order or the owner of the Company, you need to treat everyone with equality as they are doing their respective jobs and deserve all the respect and honour.
This is one thing which is very important for every individual. I want to raise you both as strong and smart women. I want you always speak up for yourself, your wishes your desires, you goals and dreams. If you take a path, stand by it and don’t deviate just because someone doesn’t want you to be on it.
Remember, there is a thin line between taking a stand and being rebel. When you are unable to justify your actions but still revolting for something, it becomes rebellious. Be clear in mind what you actually want and choose your path wisely.
Listen to elders as they will guide you and share their life experiences with you and after analysing the complete situation, decide what you need to do. Be reasonable, be practical and chase your dreams.
Secondly, don’t accept anything that is wrong not just with you but with anyone, known or stranger. I am not teaching you to poke your nose in everybody’s matter but if you see someone suffering in front of you, you know what you need to do.
Always remember, Mamma Papa love you a lot and will always be there for you as your trusty friends with sympathetic ears for all your problems or even if you make any mistake.
Never stop sharing your doubts, problems, happiness, insecurities, failures with us. Speaking up and communicating make things much easier rather than concealing it under the carpet. We can work out any problem by discussing it, no matter how big and unwelcoming the issue looks like. There is always a solution but hiding your mistakes because of the fear and running away from it will never help.
In the same way, if you have a disconnect with anyone, shed your inhibitions, go, talk and clear your differences instead of bottling up and making things complicated.
My girls, I want both of you to be strong not just physically but mentally also. Have the courage, power and capability to defend yourself if someone tries to mess up with you physically. Be strong enough to let go the negativity around you without affecting you. Be brave enough to challenge the challenges of life and accept the hardships that may come your way. I want to raise you both as emotionally strong women.
This doesn’t mean you can’t cry or feel upset when things don’t work for you. Crying is absolutely fine and it doesn’t make you weak, but don’t be an emotional fool at the same time. Be smart so that no one can take undue advantage of your goodness.
There is no age to learn or start any new thing if you have a desire and honest intention. Always choose “Still lot to be learned” over “I know it all” attitude. Be a good listener. It will always help you.
Girls, being a good daughter, good sister, good friend is wonderful but now as you grow up, you should understand your responsibility as a good citizen too. I feel proud to see that both of you never throw garbage on the roads but in dustbins and point out if you find any wrapper or any stuff on the road as dirty. I can see the roots of a sensible person developing but along with this, I want you to learn a few more things like saving power, water, light, paper, electricity. Crossing the road only on green light, giving seat to elders or physically challenged people.
I know you are too little to understand these things right now, but learning starts from the beginning and I’m sure gradually you will be able to hear what your Mamma wants to teach you both.
So, my little babies, my queens, the endless opportunities are waiting for you in the beautiful world outside. Just go and conquer.
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: pixabay
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