Anupama writes a letter to her 18-year old daughter. Read what she has to say.
Intending to check out a prospective groom? These 5 unexpected things can reveal more about him than you realize!
I come from a semi-conservative family where most of us had our companions chosen by our parents, while the rest had to rebel for their preferred option.
On my 24th birthday, my parents posted my sansakari beti wali pic in a saaree on a trending matrimonial site, but I was extremely busy with my job, to contribute my views. Seriously speaking, one had no time to even enquire about the name of the website, where the matrimonial alliance was being solemnised.
Every night my mother and I would have the “Back home safely & checking you are not outside wala” call. I am sure, all of you had the same ritual. A pressure cooker seeti or the sound of a mixer would give her the eternal peace and assurance that her daughter was at home intact.
Once my whereabouts were established, she would silently slip in a new match, which I had to dodge with my yawns and an early morning office excuse. Somehow this worked for the next two years, till my father turned 58. The fateful retirement coming at 60, exponentially intensified the urgency to find a suitable groom. Every possible relative or website offering boys was contacted, mailed, faxed and called up.
I eventually scanned nearly 300+ profiles, spoke to at least 13, GTalked with 11 and met about 10 in person. This long journey to finalise my spouse gave me the opportunity to recognise these five unconventional indicators to gauge the prospective groom in a classical arranged marriage scenario.
They speak volumes about a man’s character and his outlook. You may choose to avoid the man who comes in his slip-ons or dirty untied sneakers to meet you for the first time because it shows his lack of seriousness for the occasion. Mostly you would meet your prospective match at some restaurant, a mall or at someone’s house in a semi-formal environment; and not on a beach in swimwear.
Wearing the right shoes for the right occasion suggests common sense, which is quite uncommon these days. I also don’t profess going in for a man with expensive shoes, just because he is an HNI (high networth individual). My personal experience and few studies from reputed research houses suggest that men wearing old, spotlessly tidy and formal pieces of footwear are conscientious, organised and honest. So girls, look out for his shoes!
Classically, crossed arms suggest defensiveness, insecurity and feeling threatened. But that may not be the case when he comes to meet a girl for an alliance.
If he is sitting with his arms folded across his chest in the first meeting, then probably it implies that he is non-receptive, imperious and headstrong. If once in a while he broadens and pushes his shoulders back with a deep breath; you can be extremely sure of his dominating personality. You must try and reconfirm this from his demeanour and other body gestures; he will certainly give you enough indicators to confirm. And RUN!
Digital distractions are slowly over taking our relationships and the addiction to mobiles indicates obsession towards the wider social community. If in your first meeting he is fidgeting with his mobile, checking on notifications or discussing unimportant things on a tele-call; believe me girls, he may not be the right one.
His infatuation for social media will narrow down the time you could spend as a couple. The man probably has nomophobia or is a show off, or is too spellbound by his virtual society. Go for the device-free type of guy!
I am serious guys! Remember what Munna Bhai said – look at the way he treats a person who has lower financial status than him; like the waiter in the restaurant where you meet or the parking boy. Beedu, bhai ek dum sahi bola tha!
A man who doesn’t respect a person because of his social status or considers someone else’s work menial, will definitely not be a good companion. If he is kind to others and treats everyone with respect, you may consider him for his civilised upbringing.
If a grown up adult, ready in body and mind for tying the nuptial knot, avoids candid discussions about the future sex life or has reservations about your virginity status, then definitely he should be your easiest NO.
I totally agree with Vijayalakshmi on this. Intimacy and comfortableness in sexual life will lay the foundation stone for an inseparable bond between the two of you. Your liking for each other should not be fuelled by the vulgarity of the subject or the associated adventure; rather it should focus around each other’s likes and dislikes at this stage. If it is hanging around the taboo of silence, then you must really reconsider taking the big step.
Well folks! These five aren’t the only qualities that you must look for in your soul mate, but certainly they will help in making up your mind. You can take them as the Guru Mantra, coming from the two ounces of an elder sister. I am sure, all you wonderful ladies have many more such indicators in mind, please feel free to contribute and comment…..
Happy Hunting Girls!
Image source: shutterstock
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I'm an Army wife, balancing my life as a homemaker and an IT freelancer.
Hee ! Hee! sounds like a good check box list for the arranged match, limited interaction scenario. But if you get more time to get to know a person I would add -look out for “the givers and the takers”. The equation works like this-1. Two givers always looking out for each other, can have -a lovely life together 2. One giver and one taker can end up with one being half empty always and the other being half full always -not so lovely together 3. Two takers…will be constantly keeping accounts -hisaab-kitaab, at its best -also not so lovely together!! By “giving and taking” I do not mean material things alone, but also other indices of “giving” in terms of time, effort, support, encouragement and love/ intimacy as well. Like the wisdom of Lao Tzu says – the soul has no secret that behaviour does not reveal.
Thanks a ton Sonia.. Indeed u have given a valid point…
Good compilation again m’am. I am happy my wife didn’t know of these finer points otherwise I would have got rejected on the first count itself
Thank you Mr Arora… You and Mrs Arora make an adorable pair… and certainly she couldn’t have found anyone better… Regards
Very interesting read.I look forward to your articles .
Thank you Snigdha… Value your inspiring words..
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