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You are keen on becoming a mother, but are unable to conceive. The art of living childfree can help you to live a more meaningful life.
Childbearing. Two opposites copulate to give birth to a new set of genes and in Indian scheme of things it is the progression of ‘Khandaan” – furtherance of your pedigree and your family name.
A child is the most adorable creation of the Gods and only a monster may not fall to its charms. The entire process of childbearing is the orchestration of the sexual functions which is nothing short of a miracle – two microscopic cells come together to bring in a soul which has over 35 trillion cells and 11 organ systems which are as complex as the NASA’s latest rocket. In most of the cases, the pleasure and ecstasy of the sexual act drives the pathfinder to this miracle and makes you believe the ‘simplicity of a complex creation’.
Some unfortunates spend the best years of their married life struggling to make this natural process unnatural. Medical science has progressed leaps and bounds in the field of assisted reproductive systems and they literally grow your babies in petri dishes, but still not all dreams come true.
If you are one of those who want to be the ancestors of somebody, who have the wherewithal to raise a neonate and now you smell of phenol because you have tried all the hospitals, then some would say you are ill-fated and jinxed. But, the option lies with you to choose – You could be childless and get depressed over it. Or you could be childfree and live your life as a couple to the fullest!
Yes, this is not what you wanted, dreamed of. Maybe you don’t want to adopt, or cannot adopt, for whatever reasons. Then unlearn this expectation, and learn the art of living childfree…together as a couple.
One is a loner and two is team. So team up guys because it won’t be a crowd. The whole essence is to reduce the physical space between the two of you so that you don’t feel the absence of someone. Be the ‘Jai Veeru’ of each other’s world and cement your relationship with love.
Quality sex is the easiest way to foster this team spirit and you have to just follow the principle of 10:1 – that is the time spent in foreplay and cuddling is at least 10 times the time in the act. Experiment with each other’s bodies as if they are the next Nobel prize invention.
For those of you who are once in a month type, maintaining such a hyperactive sex life can be demanding. There is another simple option – Video Gaming. Find a video game which interests both of you and spend hours playing it, competing it and fighting over it.
There are many such options – as long as your bodies have physical contact it really doesn’t matter what you do – watch movies and cartoons together, go for drives, swim, spa etc etc.
There is no substitute for the innocence of a kid and that’s what makes them so captivating. Travelling and seeing new destinations brings in the same admiration for the immense beauty the world holds.
Save a while and then select a destination of your choice. It need not be some serene wilderness. Choose what you both like – could be the streets of Janpath or the party circuits of Thailand. If possible, then live untraceable for few days with each other. The freshness and inquisitiveness of the unknown can partly substitute for that innocent face that you miss. There is so much to perceive with your eyes in this world and you have the opportunity to appreciate it. So, don’t waste it!
You can take this as the guru mantra of living childfree. Both of you should pick up work to at least occupy nine hours of your day, especially the women. The immenseness of time is a perfect recipe to drive in depression univited. It is important that you fill this void with meaningful work, other than the chores at home.
Don’t hesitate to begin or make a comeback, for the reason that there can be nothing as rewarding as a pay cheque at the end of the month. You may even pick up some social service for the unconditional satisfaction that it offers. The contentment of discussing your day over a cup of tea in the evening can become the most delightful event of your diurnal course.
A well-toned body and some good attire changes the You in you. It makes you happier from head to toe because it makes you feel more confident, chirpy and energetic to do more. Save and pamper yourself with cosmetics, fitness treatments, wardrobe change, etc. A good massage also helps rejuvenate the good hormones of your body. They are responsible for the emotional state of a being. Let feeling and looking good be your habit. Although it has no direct relation to living childfree, nevertheless it brings in loads of optimism and indirect euphoria.
There is no prescription for living a happy childfree life; there are only experiences.
Make your own set of rules to discover the child hidden inside yourself and allow him to fill that vacuum. Take it as a blessing from the Almighty, that you have the freedom of action to live life on your terms. Childfree is a state of mind where you don’t feel the absence of that wonderful thing. So choose your self – Be Childless all your life, or be Childfree for ever.
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I'm an Army wife, balancing my life as a homemaker and an IT freelancer.
An article that hits the misconception (no pun intended)of importance of parenthood .
In Indian context we are given milestones for life and expected to deliver results to be a good person else we are branded as a misfit or as if something is wrong with us…this article just explodes the myth and highlights the benefits of keeping sanity over obsession with
child bearing capacity.
Great article and thanx to the writer for such a candid discussion.
thank you so much for your inspiring words. one is really moved…
Beautifully written, very nice read.
thank u Sneha.. value your support..
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