A compatible couple. Isn't that a better relationship state to be in than being the 'perfect couple' matching in superficial parameters like looks?
A compatible couple. Isn’t that a better relationship state to be in than being the ‘perfect couple’ matching in superficial parameters like looks?
I recently spoke to a woman who shared some of her experiences and thoughts with a group of us. After reading this, you will have to agree with me that it is a high time to question ourselves.
“At my son’s school, I recently had a conversation with a mother of one of the kids, whom I had got to know very recently. I was talking to her for just the second time.
She asked me, ‘Is it your love marriage?’ I was surprised. I said, ‘No. We had an arranged marriage.’
She could not control her curiosity, ‘But your husband is so fair, na? So why are you like this?’ (I really wonder if I had pre-planned my skin complexion with God before my own birth!)
Now this time, I was neither surprised nor shocked at this comment. With all the interest and equal involvement, I answered, ‘He is good looking for sure. I am so lucky, na? And I am like this. What to do? Out of my control, you see. Can’t help it.’
That was the end of the conversation, but not the end of the issue. I did not feel bad that I was asked about my skin tone, or that I was questioned about my compatibility with my partner because of the difference in our skin colors. But I do surely have doubts about all the quotes and statuses which are uploaded and spread under the name of mindfulness and awareness. It is of no use as long as we don’t implement it, as long as we don’t believe in it, and as long as we keep living with this backward mindset.
I fear that one day, she would ask me if my son is my biological son or adopted as he has also got fair tone just like his father.”
True. Very true. Seriously, only updating statuses or tweeting about this won’t be enough. It would never be. Here, a woman is measured on the basis of a stereotype like this, and there we are trying to make a drastic change in the society. First, we need to start doing it with ourselves, consciously.
The woman further spoke about some pertinent things:
“So why do you need to be a perfect couple? What is more important? Being a perfect couple or a compatible couple?”
“Why do you need to set your parameters according to others?”
“Why do you need others’ compliments to decide upon your own relationship?”
And the last but extremely important,
“What is more important? Making everyone happy with your apparent compatibility with your partner, or the real happiness at in your partnership, your relationship?”
It is okay if you do not fit the ‘Made for each other’ quote. Just to do this, a woman, generally, changes herself: right from her choices to her habits, for the sake of her partner, mom-in-law, relatives or comparisons with others.
I think it is okay if you are not considered a ‘Made in heaven’ couple as long as you are happy together and are a compatible couple.
It is okay if your looks or physical appearance or styles don’t complement each other. There is no competition. What is more important is, you both need to be able to bring out the best in each other: see the flaws and try to mend it.
This would be one such compliment in the real sense: you change yourself a little bit, he complements you. And he brings his share of a change in him, you complement him. This is the most lovable deal of sharing a life between the two people. That you are a compatible couple.
It can never be a dark-to-dark, fair-to-fair, tall-to-tall or short-to-short situation.
In the above incident, that woman spoke. You would meet many people who don’t speak, but judge quietly. So, this is the message to all the silent thinkers and those who judges: “Physical appearance is temporary. Don’t get into such shallow comparisons. What matters the most is the happiness within the relationship at the end of it all.”
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Image source: pixabay
Editor of C4N India (www.c4n.in), author of fiction books, travel blogger and passionate photographer. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, indivisual posts do not necessarily represent the platofrom's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Falling in love, marriage, a hidden secret, divorce. Despite all this, Vinita noticed her life was full of love that came in various unexpected shades!
“Aap jinke kareeb hotey hain, woh badey kush naseeb hotey hain…”
Just as Vinita was settling down into the cab seat, the driver put on music and the song started to play. It took her back immediately to that evening ten years ago, when Gautam had sung that very same song to her on the first evening they had met. She could remember every single detail of that evening so very clearly.
Neena Gupta shares her terrifying childhood experiences of being molested - like most assault survivors who often go to great measures to minimise these incidents by remaining silent, she was scared to tell her parents.
Neena Gupta shares her terrifying childhood experiences of being molested – like most assault survivors who often go to great measures to minimise these incidents by remaining silent, she was scared to tell her parents.
Trigger warning: This deals with child sexual abuse and may be triggering for survivors.
What do you do when you find out that your partner has been cheating on you? Do you stay or do you walk out? Is marriage counselling important
I woke up, with a phone call in the middle of the night, “Can you come to my place right away” spoke my friend from the other end. I tried to get myself together, and asked her “What happened is everything ok? Are you fine? “Will talk once you are here “she said in a hurried voice and hung up.
I had no idea to what had happened and anticipating that it could take me a bit long to return; I woke my husband and informed him about the situation. As the friend’s house was only 3 blocks away, I told him that it would be ok; I would drive down and declined his help to drive me over. (more…)
In India, love marriages face a lot of judgement and scorn, heaping guilt and tough times upon the couple. Here are 7 keys to making a marriage thrive.
In India, love marriages face a lot of judgement and scorn, heaping guilt and tough times upon the couple. Here are 7 keys to making a marriage thrive!
India – the land of great love stories like Shree-Farhaad, Soni-Mahiwal, Laila-Majnu etc, is also the land where love marriages are still scorned at by certain sections of society! Recently, I found out that it’s not just the generation before us, but even people of similar ages as us, who get judgemental over the issue. Here’s the conversation I had with a male friend, who is an old school friend I happened to meet again on Facebook-