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A compatible couple. Isn’t that a better relationship state to be in than being the ‘perfect couple’ matching in superficial parameters like looks?
I recently spoke to a woman who shared some of her experiences and thoughts with a group of us. After reading this, you will have to agree with me that it is a high time to question ourselves.
“At my son’s school, I recently had a conversation with a mother of one of the kids, whom I had got to know very recently. I was talking to her for just the second time.
She asked me, ‘Is it your love marriage?’ I was surprised. I said, ‘No. We had an arranged marriage.’
She could not control her curiosity, ‘But your husband is so fair, na? So why are you like this?’ (I really wonder if I had pre-planned my skin complexion with God before my own birth!)
Now this time, I was neither surprised nor shocked at this comment. With all the interest and equal involvement, I answered, ‘He is good looking for sure. I am so lucky, na? And I am like this. What to do? Out of my control, you see. Can’t help it.’
That was the end of the conversation, but not the end of the issue. I did not feel bad that I was asked about my skin tone, or that I was questioned about my compatibility with my partner because of the difference in our skin colors. But I do surely have doubts about all the quotes and statuses which are uploaded and spread under the name of mindfulness and awareness. It is of no use as long as we don’t implement it, as long as we don’t believe in it, and as long as we keep living with this backward mindset.
I fear that one day, she would ask me if my son is my biological son or adopted as he has also got fair tone just like his father.”
True. Very true. Seriously, only updating statuses or tweeting about this won’t be enough. It would never be. Here, a woman is measured on the basis of a stereotype like this, and there we are trying to make a drastic change in the society. First, we need to start doing it with ourselves, consciously.
The woman further spoke about some pertinent things:
“So why do you need to be a perfect couple? What is more important? Being a perfect couple or a compatible couple?”
“Why do you need to set your parameters according to others?”
“Why do you need others’ compliments to decide upon your own relationship?”
And the last but extremely important,
“What is more important? Making everyone happy with your apparent compatibility with your partner, or the real happiness at in your partnership, your relationship?”
It is okay if you do not fit the ‘Made for each other’ quote. Just to do this, a woman, generally, changes herself: right from her choices to her habits, for the sake of her partner, mom-in-law, relatives or comparisons with others.
I think it is okay if you are not considered a ‘Made in heaven’ couple as long as you are happy together and are a compatible couple.
It is okay if your looks or physical appearance or styles don’t complement each other. There is no competition. What is more important is, you both need to be able to bring out the best in each other: see the flaws and try to mend it.
This would be one such compliment in the real sense: you change yourself a little bit, he complements you. And he brings his share of a change in him, you complement him. This is the most lovable deal of sharing a life between the two people. That you are a compatible couple.
It can never be a dark-to-dark, fair-to-fair, tall-to-tall or short-to-short situation.
In the above incident, that woman spoke. You would meet many people who don’t speak, but judge quietly. So, this is the message to all the silent thinkers and those who judges: “Physical appearance is temporary. Don’t get into such shallow comparisons. What matters the most is the happiness within the relationship at the end of it all.”
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Editor of C4N India (www.c4n.in), author of fiction books, travel blogger and passionate
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