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Why women apologize more than men do in most social settings, whether personal, or professional, is the question!
‘Thank you’ and ‘Sorry’ are some of the most used words – be it in the work space or personal. And why shouldn’t they be? After all the two most taught words are taken as a measure for politeness and manners instilled by your parents in you. Right?
Last time I bumped into someone – I said sorry!
My “Sorry!” to a waiter who repeatedly forgot to fetch me water for the second time. I was “Sorry” for not being able to help a friend since I was really busy and stuck at that point. I served up some slightly burnt food and I was really “Sorry” to my family for ruining their taste buds! Hands Up! I am guilty of saying “I’m sorry” way more than I really want to admit.
But when it comes to analyzing on the gender quotient front, I wonder – do we women say “Sorry!” more often than men? It is our peremptory crutch to wade in and win over all the parameters of being an ideal ‘lady’?
Contemplating on this thought, I came across a Harvard University research by Alison Brooks and her team which sets one thing straight – offering apologies where they is not needed, makes us more likeable to others for no reason.
So, do we women say sorry to appear more pleasing to others? Is it our conformation to the psychologically instilled norms of being appeasing and gentle to others as women? Do we women apologize often so that others will appreciate our politeness and good manners?
We have said sorry when we have wanted to pass and others have blocked our path. We have said sorry for smelling not so nice during our periods. We have been sorry over our bra-cup sizes, over not liking children, over making more money than our men, over eating too much. We have been taught to be sorry for being Fat, Ugly, Black, ‘Boyish’, ‘Unladylike‘ women.We have been made to feel sorry for saying “No” to sex when our man has proposed or when we have not been able to conform to those norms being a good cook, girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, daughter in law or driver.
But are men really so thoughtful at their end and equally apologetic on these same instances? NO.
Why does the threshold on what we say sorry about differ for men and women? Why is it unmanly to be sorry while lady-like to to be one? Do we teach our daughter to say sorry more often than we do this to our son?
And while I feel apologetic for writing such a long post, or perhaps pondering pointlessly on something so obvious or futile, I request my readers’ permission to end this post and listen to “Sorry is a sorry word” by Tarrus Riley to feel slightly… umm…you know…related.
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Writer,Quiller,Empath ,Researcher who loves reading classics with instrumental in the background. When not reading,chatting,penning poems or studying she can be found indulging in black-currant at the nearest ice-cream parlour. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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