Over the years, your support has made Women’s Web the leading resource for women in India. Now, it is our turn to ask, how can we make this even more useful for you? Please take our short 5 minute questionnaire – your feedback is important to us!
Why women apologize more than men do in most social settings, whether personal, or professional, is the question!
‘Thank you’ and ‘Sorry’ are some of the most used words – be it in the work space or personal. And why shouldn’t they be? After all the two most taught words are taken as a measure for politeness and manners instilled by your parents in you. Right?
Last time I bumped into someone – I said sorry!
My “Sorry!” to a waiter who repeatedly forgot to fetch me water for the second time. I was “Sorry” for not being able to help a friend since I was really busy and stuck at that point. I served up some slightly burnt food and I was really “Sorry” to my family for ruining their taste buds! Hands Up! I am guilty of saying “I’m sorry” way more than I really want to admit.
But when it comes to analyzing on the gender quotient front, I wonder – do we women say “Sorry!” more often than men? It is our peremptory crutch to wade in and win over all the parameters of being an ideal ‘lady’?
Contemplating on this thought, I came across a Harvard University research by Alison Brooks and her team which sets one thing straight – offering apologies where they is not needed, makes us more likeable to others for no reason.
So, do we women say sorry to appear more pleasing to others? Is it our conformation to the psychologically instilled norms of being appeasing and gentle to others as women? Do we women apologize often so that others will appreciate our politeness and good manners?
We have said sorry when we have wanted to pass and others have blocked our path. We have said sorry for smelling not so nice during our periods. We have been sorry over our bra-cup sizes, over not liking children, over making more money than our men, over eating too much. We have been taught to be sorry for being Fat, Ugly, Black, ‘Boyish’, ‘Unladylike‘ women.We have been made to feel sorry for saying “No” to sex when our man has proposed or when we have not been able to conform to those norms being a good cook, girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, daughter in law or driver.
But are men really so thoughtful at their end and equally apologetic on these same instances? NO.
Why does the threshold on what we say sorry about differ for men and women? Why is it unmanly to be sorry while lady-like to to be one? Do we teach our daughter to say sorry more often than we do this to our son?
And while I feel apologetic for writing such a long post, or perhaps pondering pointlessly on something so obvious or futile, I request my readers’ permission to end this post and listen to “Sorry is a sorry word” by Tarrus Riley to feel slightly… umm…you know…related.
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Image source: shutterstock
Writer,Quiller,Empath ,Researcher who loves reading classics with instrumental in the background. When not reading,chatting,penning poems or studying she can be found indulging in black-currant at the nearest ice-cream parlour. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
He said that he needed sometime to himself. I waited for him as any other woman would have done, and I gave him his space, I didn't want to be the clingy one.
Trigger Warning: This deals with mental trauma and depression, and may be triggering for survivors.
I am someone who believes in honesty and trust, I trust people easily and I think most of the times this habit of mine turns into bane.
This is a story of how a matrimonial website service turned into a nightmare for me, already traumatized by the two relationships I’ve had. It’s a story for every woman who lives her life on the principles of honesty and trust.
And when she enters the bedroom, she sees her husband's towel lying on the bed, his underwear thrown about in their bathroom. She rolls her eyes, sighs and picks it up to put in the laundry bag.
Vasudha, age 28 – is an excellent dancer, writer, podcaster and a mandala artist. She is talented young woman, a go getter and wouldn’t bat an eyelid if she had to try anything new. She would go head on with it. Everyone knew Vasudha as this cheerful and pretty young lady.
Except when marriage changed everything she knew. Since she was always outdoors, whether for office or for travelling for her dance shows, Vasudha didn’t know how to cook well.
Going by her in-laws definition of cooking – she had to know how to cook any dishes they mentioned. Till then Vasudha didn’t know that learning to cook was similar to getting an educational qualification. As soon as she entered the household after her engagement, nobody was interested what she excelled at, everybody wanted to know – what dishes she knew how to cook.