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Why women apologize more than men do in most social settings, whether personal, or professional, is the question!
‘Thank you’ and ‘Sorry’ are some of the most used words – be it in the work space or personal. And why shouldn’t they be? After all the two most taught words are taken as a measure for politeness and manners instilled by your parents in you. Right?
Last time I bumped into someone – I said sorry!
My “Sorry!” to a waiter who repeatedly forgot to fetch me water for the second time. I was “Sorry” for not being able to help a friend since I was really busy and stuck at that point. I served up some slightly burnt food and I was really “Sorry” to my family for ruining their taste buds! Hands Up! I am guilty of saying “I’m sorry” way more than I really want to admit.
But when it comes to analyzing on the gender quotient front, I wonder – do we women say “Sorry!” more often than men? It is our peremptory crutch to wade in and win over all the parameters of being an ideal ‘lady’?
Contemplating on this thought, I came across a Harvard University research by Alison Brooks and her team which sets one thing straight – offering apologies where they is not needed, makes us more likeable to others for no reason.
So, do we women say sorry to appear more pleasing to others? Is it our conformation to the psychologically instilled norms of being appeasing and gentle to others as women? Do we women apologize often so that others will appreciate our politeness and good manners?
We have said sorry when we have wanted to pass and others have blocked our path. We have said sorry for smelling not so nice during our periods. We have been sorry over our bra-cup sizes, over not liking children, over making more money than our men, over eating too much. We have been taught to be sorry for being Fat, Ugly, Black, ‘Boyish’, ‘Unladylike‘ women.We have been made to feel sorry for saying “No” to sex when our man has proposed or when we have not been able to conform to those norms being a good cook, girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, daughter in law or driver.
But are men really so thoughtful at their end and equally apologetic on these same instances? NO.
Why does the threshold on what we say sorry about differ for men and women? Why is it unmanly to be sorry while lady-like to to be one? Do we teach our daughter to say sorry more often than we do this to our son?
And while I feel apologetic for writing such a long post, or perhaps pondering pointlessly on something so obvious or futile, I request my readers’ permission to end this post and listen to “Sorry is a sorry word” by Tarrus Riley to feel slightly… umm…you know…related.
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Writer,Quiller,Empath ,Researcher who loves reading classics with instrumental in the background. When not reading,chatting,penning poems or studying she can be found indulging in black-currant at the nearest ice-cream parlour. read more...
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Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
“What is a woman’s job, Ramesh? Taking care of parents-in-law, husband, children, home and things at work—all at the same time? She isn’t God or a superhuman."
The arrays of workstations were occupied by people peering into their computer screens. The clicks of keyboard keys were punctuated by the occasional footsteps moving around to brainstorm or collaborate with colleagues in their cubicles. Most employees went about their tasks without looking at the person seated on either side of their workstation. Meenakshi was one of them.
The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
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