In A Relationship Where You Are Controlled By Your Partner? You Need To Get Out Now

Posted: March 12, 2016

No one is worth lowering your self-esteem, tying yourself up to their whims and fancies. It is better to break away from a love that controls. 

One of my closest friends recently shared with me how she had been feeling mentally exhausted and drained after 4 weeks of relationship with her new ‘lover’. She was right!

I have seen her changed. Changed from a free-spirited enthusiastic young woman to a meek pretty shy doll ‘owned’ by someone else.

I remember the times we had shared discussing government policies, Kejriwal, Stephen Hawking, Clint Eastwood and Waking Life. These had now turned into more of counselling sessions and beauty Q/A’s where I felt she had lost not only a part of herself but sadly a big chunk of her confidence too. The girl who never ever thought even once speaking her mind, needs reassurance on the colour of her hair clip? I was confused.

Why does she suddenly feel such an urge to look slimmer that she refuses even a bite of her favourite chocolate? No, not that it’s wrong. But when a girl of 24 weighing 49 Kgs is aiming to shed more in order to look more desirable to her boyfriend- it is definitely a cause of worry!

But no. I was not the only one to worry about her.

You know your friend is with a guy who is not good for her when she gets chased every 15 minutes with questions like – Where are you? What are you up to? Why was your phone engaged? To whom were you talking? Why this dress? Why this hair colour? Even tracking when she’s online to follow it up!

While not being sure if is this what we should call ‘true love’, I realized after close scrutiny that I was sadly a witness to one of those relationships where the free, generous and beautiful relationship of love is used to control, bully and satisfy one’s negative ego.

Who wants to be in love with a dictator? Who feels that she belongs and is loved when you are just owned? Who feels liberated when you are bound with chains of love? I have heard people fall in love but why does a beautiful thing called love be an enabler to make her fall from her own grace? If it is about finding your soulmate, why should it be engulfing your soul away? Is it love or a parasitic self-inflicted harming relationship?

Around two and a half months had passed.

I got a call from her yesterday where she sounded happy, confident and in short just herself. Before I could ask her the reason, she told me excitedly that she had applied to one of the most sought after courses and spoken to her grandmother after such a long time.

Amidst all that chatter, a subtle hint made me realize – she had broken up with her boyfriend!

That evening just casually browsing through WhatsApp, I came across her status which read a beautiful quote from Shawshank Redemption –
“Some birds are not meant to be caged , their feathers are just too bright”

Redemption……. Indeed!

Image source: unhappy woman by Shutterstock.

Writer,Quiller,Empath ,Researcher who loves reading classics with instrumental in the background. When not

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