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A girlfriend can be a fun person, but when it comes to choosing a wife, Indian men want only a sanskari woman! Aren't these double standards?
A girlfriend can be a fun person, but when it comes to choosing a wife, Indian men want only a sanskari woman! Aren’t these double standards?
Men don’t mind having a happy-go-lucky female friend or girlfriend, then why are they so picky when it comes to marriage? In the checklist of qualities they look for in the future wife, Sanskari stands at No.1. Is Bollywood mimicking a real life scenario or is it a cooked up Bollywood broth the sells most?
When I was a kid, I was mostly an outdoor person. I used to take walks on the open terrace or make myself comfortable in the balcony reading some book or the other. This went on for quite some years. While I strolled like Your Majesty, a lot of young eyes (of other strollers like me) would fall on me. I didn’t exactly enjoy it, but the experience made me curious enough to calculate the number of suitors that would line up for me when the time comes.
I had a ‘college queen’ image with a bunch of admirers and that confirmed my childhood estimation. I was waiting for that long line not because it would make me feel like a worthiest prize to be won, as others usually assume, but for the opportunity of choice it gives me. But, somehow fate (whether mine or others’, I am not really sure) took a wicked turn.
Now after 10 years, I went back to those years to check out what actually went wrong. As a kid I was a tomboy with cropped hair and intelligent eyes, always active, enthusiastic, sometimes loud-mouthed and mostly associated with the demonic temper that could be easily kindled. I think I am pretty much the same even today, with a few extra ounces of maturity and manners.
Of course! That is where the problem is. All of those characteristics are acceptable, and sometimes even admired in a kid, but not agreeable in a woman. The men were not afraid to marry in general but dreaded the thought of marrying me. Slowly, the truth unravelled itself. People needed a ‘Sanskari Biwi and Bahu‘ and I didn’t fit the bill. I never felt more sorry for anyone as I felt for such people for having such shallow expectations from the new addition to a family.
Gradually, it dawned on me that India has always been like this. Doll up, only then you’re suitable for your suitor. How did this not strike me earlier? I grew watching Bollywood movies that spewed the same message all this while.
Why is it that all our protagonists somehow or other, fall in love with Sanskari ladies? There are numerous such movies to quote in all Indian languages with some exceptions, though. India has always been teaching us women to not break rules, have a boundary, do not change and other similar preachings. And, those who follow them fall under the Sanskari woman. Like it or not, they sacrifice stuff for others, they are obligated to serve others, they follow all the rules, they depend on others to show the solution, they wait for Prince Charming, they put others over themselves, they strive to impress others, they duly adjust and compromise to situations and people. It is all the time about others and very rarely about them.
Movie buffs may be quick to ask, what happened to Anushka Sharma in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi? Didn’t she fall for a funky-looking, funny guy over her husband? Yes, she did. But didn’t she realize beforehand, it is with her husband that she has a divine relationship? No one ever came and reasoned with her to stay with her husband. She realized it for herself. And her husband didn’t remove his spectacles to look handsome or change his wardrobe after her acceptance, he remained the same. His wife gave him the freedom to remain the same. Because to her looks didn’t matter.
Those girls in the movies, actually changed, for good or bad, they made themselves suitable for the suitor, impressed and found their men.
But that is not my goal and I am not going to change.
Image source: youtube
I am an egalitarian and strive to see it around me as much as possible. I am an avid reader, a passionate writer and an ardent fan of English language. I like to observe things read more...
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If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
A married woman has to wear a sari, sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, anklets, and so much more. What do these ornaments have to do with my love, respect, and commitment to my husband?
They: Are you married?
They: But You don’t look like it
Me: (in my Mind) Why should I?
Why is being married not enough for a woman, and she needs to look married too? I am tired of such comments in the nearly four years of being married.
I believe that anything that is forced is not right. I must have a choice. I am a living human, not a puppet. And I am not stopping anyone by not following any tradition. You are free to do whatever you like to do. But do not force others. It’s depressing.