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Women often find themselves living with domestic abuse - emotional and physical, because they are not confident that they can stand up for themselves.
Women often find themselves living with domestic abuse – emotional and physical, because they are not confident that they can stand up for themselves.
“What would you do if I get into a steaming extra-marital affair?” A husband asks, casually. The wife shrugs, unable to understand what to say. How to react.
“Why? Won’t you feel bad?” “Of course, I would feel bad. I’d wonder what went wrong, but I won’t be able to live with you then.” The wife says.
“Can you live without me?” The husband asks. The wife ponders. “No. It’d be very difficult.” “You would leave me? How could you? You love me so much!” The husband says.
“Don’t you love me?” wife. “Yes, I do,” says the husband. “Then why are you asking such questions?” the wife says. “Just asking.” The husband shrugs.
This may sound like a casual, frank conversation between a couple, but don’t you think there’s an indirect message hidden in ‘his’ thoughts? Maybe unintentional, but it reflects something.
Sometimes, this thought can be the root of cheating or any other unfairness inflicted upon an average Indian woman. Thoughts like:
Why do some men think their female partners won’t leave them even if they do something unjustified?
Because she loves her partner so much that she can’t live without him?
No. You love him and need/demand same level of love in return. You won’t accept betrayal and violence. Will you?
Because she is not financially independent and earning money is not that easy?
A woman knew that her husband was cheating on her, but she couldn’t do anything except whining. “If I had a job, I would have left this man,” she said.
Education is important. Acquiring skill (as per your knowledge and interest) is wisdom. It helps you to be financially independent if circumstances demand.
Because she can’t raise the children alone?
Oh, really? You mean a mother can’t raise her children properly? What a joke! In India, most of the times, men are so engrossed in their work that women usually do it alone. What do you say?
Still, this thought is common.
Another woman, living in an oppressive marriage, can’t make any concrete move even though her husband abuses her, physically, mentally, emotionally! Why? Because she has three children to look after. “It’s not easy to raise three children alone. What would I do alone?” she says.
In India everyone asks about the father. Indian society tends to raise eyebrows at single/divorced women.
Now, this is something! Social pressure is huge in such cases. It is unfortunately true. Especially in the middle class society. Some parents tend to let it go just due to social pressure. They realize it, but sometimes, it’s too late. Why can’t women and her parents make themselves confident and strong enough to challenge the society? Marriage of a daughter doesn’t mean she is no more your daughter. Don’t you think so?
Maybe things are changing slowly but when will it change completely?
You will put your ultimate effort in to saving your marriage. Yes, you will, and you should, but you will seek and expect the same effort from him. Won’t you?
Moving on to take a new start sounds inspiring but perhaps it’s not that easy. It takes a lot of courage. But remember, there’s always a new morning beaming with possibilities. Geared up with a new start.
Women are strong. Stronger than they think. A woman just needs to raise her spirit and a concrete step against unfairness. She can bring the change. People will understand, eventually.
Published here earlier.
Image source: pixabay.
Tarang Sinha is a Delhi based writer, translator and painter. She's the author of We Will Meet Again. She has translated a book titled 'Don't You Quit' published by Westland Books. Her articles read more...
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Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
“What is a woman’s job, Ramesh? Taking care of parents-in-law, husband, children, home and things at work—all at the same time? She isn’t God or a superhuman."
The arrays of workstations were occupied by people peering into their computer screens. The clicks of keyboard keys were punctuated by the occasional footsteps moving around to brainstorm or collaborate with colleagues in their cubicles. Most employees went about their tasks without looking at the person seated on either side of their workstation. Meenakshi was one of them.
The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
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