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Women often find themselves living with domestic abuse – emotional and physical, because they are not confident that they can stand up for themselves.
“What would you do if I get into a steaming extra-marital affair?” A husband asks, casually. The wife shrugs, unable to understand what to say. How to react.
“Why? Won’t you feel bad?” “Of course, I would feel bad. I’d wonder what went wrong, but I won’t be able to live with you then.” The wife says.
“Can you live without me?” The husband asks. The wife ponders. “No. It’d be very difficult.” “You would leave me? How could you? You love me so much!” The husband says.
“Don’t you love me?” wife. “Yes, I do,” says the husband. “Then why are you asking such questions?” the wife says. “Just asking.” The husband shrugs.
This may sound like a casual, frank conversation between a couple, but don’t you think there’s an indirect message hidden in ‘his’ thoughts? Maybe unintentional, but it reflects something.
Sometimes, this thought can be the root of cheating or any other unfairness inflicted upon an average Indian woman. Thoughts like:
Why do some men think their female partners won’t leave them even if they do something unjustified?
Because she loves her partner so much that she can’t live without him?
No. You love him and need/demand same level of love in return. You won’t accept betrayal and violence. Will you?
Because she is not financially independent and earning money is not that easy?
A woman knew that her husband was cheating on her, but she couldn’t do anything except whining. “If I had a job, I would have left this man,” she said.
Education is important. Acquiring skill (as per your knowledge and interest) is wisdom. It helps you to be financially independent if circumstances demand.
Because she can’t raise the children alone?
Oh, really? You mean a mother can’t raise her children properly? What a joke! In India, most of the times, men are so engrossed in their work that women usually do it alone. What do you say?
Still, this thought is common.
Another woman, living in an oppressive marriage, can’t make any concrete move even though her husband abuses her, physically, mentally, emotionally! Why? Because she has three children to look after. “It’s not easy to raise three children alone. What would I do alone?” she says.
In India everyone asks about the father. Indian society tends to raise eyebrows at single/divorced women.
Now, this is something! Social pressure is huge in such cases. It is unfortunately true. Especially in the middle class society. Some parents tend to let it go just due to social pressure. They realize it, but sometimes, it’s too late. Why can’t women and her parents make themselves confident and strong enough to challenge the society? Marriage of a daughter doesn’t mean she is no more your daughter. Don’t you think so?
Maybe things are changing slowly but when will it change completely?
You will put your ultimate effort in to saving your marriage. Yes, you will, and you should, but you will seek and expect the same effort from him. Won’t you?
Moving on to take a new start sounds inspiring but perhaps it’s not that easy. It takes a lot of courage. But remember, there’s always a new morning beaming with possibilities. Geared up with a new start.
Women are strong. Stronger than they think. A woman just needs to raise her spirit and a concrete step against unfairness. She can bring the change. People will understand, eventually.
Published here earlier.
Image source: pixabay.
Author of 'We Will Meet Again'. Freelance writer and editor. Tarang's works have been
You have made some extremely valid points Tarang regarding the modern concept of marriage and the problems it faces in current times. Sociologically speaking, marriage is an institution that society has put into place to regulate sexual relations and to provide a base for the origin and continuity of the family- the primary social unit in society. Marriage is thus defined by rules. Traditionally these rules were defined by the religious patriarchy. However in this day and age of civil laws defining marriage, these rules are redefined so as to view it as an equal “partnership”. The problem is there is a lack of awareness on the part of people entering marriage about this change. So unfortunately, traditional expectations linger and are incongruous to current times. Nowadays both partners need to see themselves as a team. Each partner needs to be aware of and committed to the very same rules- rights and responsibilities. Otherwise- it will lead to trouble in a marriage due to an unfair state of uncertain quality of existence for one or both spouses. Before marriage many urban and educated people misguided by glitzy (often skewed) ad. media overload, imagine it to be only a romantic relationship with endless charm or a convenient one with endless benefits and after marriage they feel sorely disappointed and miserable when it doesn’t work out that way. Marriage requires team work in the areas of effort, communication and the will to make things work out for the COMMON good of both. Society needs to become aware of this fact and change their mind set regarding this institution, if it is to continue with any success. Otherwise the rate of divorce is set to increase indefinitely.
Very well said, Sonia! Working as a team, and communication. Yes, they work best in a relationship. Thanks for reading! 🙂
Tarang, I only just read your profile and realised you are about to release a novel shortly, all the very best for its release and hope it is a splendid success!!
Thank you so much for your best wishes, Sonia! I hope readers like my book 🙂
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