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To Be Or Not To Be A Mom…Who Decides?

Posted: March 20, 2016

What is so wrong if we want the right to decide when to have a baby? Why should others decide the why and how in our personal life?

I am going to be 36 soon, married for three years. Can you imagine the most common question I am being asked nowadays? Yes, you are right. When am I going to be a mom?

I am asked this question by elders, peers, acquaintances, friends, almost anyone and everyone who knows my age and the years I have been married. I mean, don’t you think having a baby or not should be mine and my husband’s personal decision?

How can people just keep asking about this so very personal thing? Most of them will run away if anyone utters a word about sex. Or if I ask how many times do they have sex in a week. But when it comes to a child, it’s an open forum. I hope they know it’s sex that leads to babies!

Anyway, I am digressing. What I want to write today is really about wanting to or not wanting to have a child. We are allowed favorite colors, favorite actors, actresses, movies, and so on but when it comes to such an important decision like having a child the whole society stands in judgement over you.

I know a couple who did not have any plans for a kid in the near future as they wanted to be financially strong first. And their parents asked them to have the baby anyway because they had enough money to look after their grand kid! I mean what is it, a venture that if you can’t then someone else would finance?

Having a child is completely a couple’s personal decision. Whether they want to have it or not, or if they do then when. But still the whole society acts as a judge when it comes to having a kid.

What is wrong if me and my husband want to travel the country first and then the world? What is wrong if we want to fulfil our dreams first? What is wrong if a baby is not a priority with us right now? Does it mean when and if we have a baby, we will love him / her any less?

There have been times when I have lost my temper, made witty answers, avoided the situation. But I don’t understand why I have to act like this. I am an educated person who is being asked these questions by educated people, so how am I supposed to react?

When will our society really come to an age when they will realize and accept that some things should really remain personal and private?

Image source: annoyed young woman by Shutterstock.

A voracious reader, a writer, a poet, a die-hard romantic, a dream enthusiast, a

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  1. Pingback: To Be Or Not To Be A Mom…Who Decides? – shakhispeaks

  2. There are lots of fools out there who have no qualms pushing another out of his/her comfort zone in social interactions. Some really love poking their noses in other people’s business and in matters of marriage and baby-making you will find no shortage of such! I really chuckled reading how you rightly pointed out that these same people in all probability are shy and even afraid of the word sex but strangely feel confident and bold enough to be actually openly pushing you to have more of it,(they probably don’t realise this!) under the socially acceptable guise of marriage and reproduction. But one can’t do much to correct this problem of invasion of personal privacy. There’s no easy way out. It’s like dealing with mosquitoes! You must either develop a thick hide to protect yourself or you must be harsh and tell them to mind their own business with maybe a really hard clap on the head?!!

    • I really couldn’t have agreed more with you Sonia. You end up being rude, at times witty as per the situation demands to handle them. And yes, mosquitoes is the right word to describe them. 🙂

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