Is Sex Evil: Why Can’t We Be Honest About Sex?

As a society, we portray sex as an evil. But is sex evil? Let’s be fair adults and tell the truth about sex to our younger generation. It will help them.

‘Sex’ is a taboo word in our society! Right from our adolescence days, we are told nothing about it, but it is always in the air that we should refrain from sex as it is evil. This idea ruins a lot of couples’ early days of marriage as the bride struggles with this ‘evil’ absorbed in the mind, and it takes a lot of effort to get that out of the system.

How sex is portrayed in our society

Bollywood movies and hindi soaps preach that pre-marital sex will always make you pregnant. It sends across a message that you and only you will be blamed for this debacle as you could not control your evil desires. Never do I see, the other partner in crime (read as the male) being criticized in such a situation. This inflicts a moral duty on the females and they tend to believe that sex is bad, and they should never ever indulge in sex.

Bollywood movies, especially the item numbers these days, paint a very glamorous picture of sex. Sex and women are objectified. This has had a huge impact on the way we perceive sex. Today, the social media, especially Youtube, has become an easy medium for anybody to access any information instantly.

Our parents are too shy to discuss this with us. All we knew about sex was through girl talks and mostly, it was gibberish.

The after-effect

With the silence around this topic, we start developing an aversion towards sex. The evilness of it is so profoundly ingrained in our minds that anything related to sex is seen as sinful or immoral. Even when a guy handshakes, there is this fear that this might lead somewhere. Friendly hugs from the opposite sex are also not a very comfortable thing.

We are so blinded with this notion that the first few days and months of most marriages are a nightmare. Firstly, we do not know what it feels like to have sex. Secondly, the evilness attached to sex keeps on nagging our minds.

For many, it is a rather difficult time. Most of us start enjoying sex, but with a guilt. There is a voice in our head which says, “This is wrong. You cannot enjoy sex. This is immoral. You know who enjoys sex?” With the chaos in the head, it becomes a rather conflicting feeling. What makes it worse is that you do not share this with anyone else, and the hell in your mind starts creating havoc.

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Slowly and steadily, we come to terms with sex. We think, “No one has to know that I enjoy sex. This is my little dirty secret.”

Some of us are bold enough and take a step forward. We slowly unlearn all the myths that were ingrained in us about sex. We start enjoying the goodness of sex, letting the evil fade out. We start believing sex is a symbol of love, and a very treasured way of expressing the same. We love our husbands and feel this is the best way to connect and rejoice togetherness.

That is when we are the winners! However, not all of us can be like that.

The revolution

We are all past that phase now, but do we want our kids to go through the same? What can we do? Let’s revolutionize the sex talk.

• Stop isolating sex from relationships. Instead, talk about having wholesome and healthy relationships with partners/spouse, of which sex is a small, but important aspect.
• Start inculcating a holistic approach towards relationships in our kids, so that they do not completely neglect sex or are over driven with it.
• Times have changed, we are much more open to our kids than our parents. Continue that.
• Talk about sex as an ‘expression of love’ and not an ‘objectified desire’. This will even help in not showcasing women as objects, but as human beings with feelings.
• We also need to educate ourselves beyond the biology books that we studied during our school days. Educating adolescents and adults in the right way is crucial.
• We need to understand that sex is one of the essential aspects of marriage. It is a way of feeling loved and connecting with your significant other. The awkwardness, the guilt and the taboo associated with the term is something that needs to be addressed. We need to educate ourselves on sex before we take the marital plunge.
• If the channels of communications are always open between parents and children, parents can always serve as the first source of information for this subject as well, so that children are educated in the right way.

If we start with these small steps today, we will slowly and steadily help build responsible individuals in the coming generation, and a more responsible society.

This post was previously published on the author’s blog.

Image of a happy mother and daughter via Shutterstock

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